Sometimes
Sometimes I swear that car slowing down is you even though I never even knew what you drive, never had anything real to recognize. Sometimes a song won’t leave my head and I convince myself it’s haunting you too. Sometimes the dog barks at nothing and my heart stumbles over hope, thinking maybe this time you finally showed up. Sometimes I see you everywhere. In audiences. In hallways. In the empty seat in front of me. Sometimes I would bet my life it’s you. But sometimes it isn’t. It never is. Sometimes it’s just strangers. Just noise. Sometimes it’s just my mind dressing up absence in delusion. Sometimes I really think I’m losing it. Like I’ve misplaced my mind, my heart, my grip on anything solid. Sometimes I want to shake myself and say it’s just you. It’s only you. Sometimes I know you are not at the door. Sometimes I know you are not almost here. Sometimes I know you are not coming. And sometimes that reckless, humiliating part of me still listens anyway.
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