They used to call me an arsehole, now they call me a head case.
I would rather have all my teeth pulled out by a mad gorilla
From the psychiatric ward of a jail house in Manilla,
With a pair of dirty dingy pliers, and manure and more,
Than have to walk on Black Friday into any store’s entrance door.
Rather have my wisdom teeth pulled by this deranged gorilla head,
Without benefit of Novocain in a dirty cow-birthing shed,
Nothing neat, nothing sterile, or the least bit clean along the way,
Than have to go kicking and screaming into a store on Black Friday.
So if you think you are going to call me at two in the a.m.
And try to get me to the store, I am simply not one of them.
And if you call me at the ridiculous morning hour of two,
I will send this head-case gorilla to pull some teeth out of you.
Mind games with my shrink.
Only giving me seconds to think.
His or my sanity on the brink.
Telling him what he wants to hear.
So these psychotic thoughts don't interfere.
I love a profession where all you do is ask questions.
I see your obsession.
Diagnosing patients.
With the power of suggestion.
Mocking once again.
Your profession.
So continue with your notes and antidotes.
On how to fix a fairy tale gone wrong.
So incarcerate me to the nearest psych ward.
At least with the nuts I won't be bored.
Your heart is in the right place but your dealing with a head case.
This perfect life I chase,
I will not get no matter the pace,
I wait and hope someone will embrace,
Me, even though I'm a head case,
It seems I am stuck,
Looking in the distance for some sort of luck,
I hear they say they're satisified,
All I can say is why?,
Their's more to life,
Than having the white picket fence and the trophy wife,
But who wants to listen to this headcase,
Anyways?
I love you my dear
However, there is some fear
Of your tortuous rejection
And empty distraction
Your ex is stupid
Come back to me
And sleep in my arms
I miss your beauty
You're just such a cutie
I miss your mouth and your soft kiss
I love your mind and your lovely person
You mean the world to me
I miss you like Christ would miss the Sea of Gallilee
Your eyes are so bright
Your nose so tight
Your legs so light
I love everything about you
Especially at night
You are funny and witty
I miss sleeping with you and the kitty
Your kiss is sweeter than a snickers
Your hug is warmer than your knickers
The way that you talk
Is even more sexy than how you walk
My home is empty without you
I hope yours feels empty too
I love your hairy toes
Even more beautiful than an ancient rose
You smell so good
Oh what I wish that I could...
Kiss your lips, oh what grace
I think I'm becoming a head case
I love you more than life becomes
I love you more than all of my chums
And even more than a round of rums
My booze may have driven you away
And I miss you more and more every day
But more than anything, I love you more than even God's way