Guffawed Poems | Examples

Tradin’ Coon Hounds

Heard my dad mutter, a hundred greenbacks,
you trying to give me a heart attack.

For that much money, truth be told,
that dog of yours had better crap gold.

Then dad hemmed and hawed,
grumbled and guffawed,

Wiped his lips and said with a smile,
“Just let me chew on it for a while.”

Pretty soon dad stood and said, 
how about I trade you Stumpy instead.

Sonny grinned but said, don’t quite seem fair,
but if’n you throw in Sue, that’d make a good pair.

Then they hiked up their pants leg to sit.
leaned forward over the ash can and spit,

They took another drink of white port wine,
after a while dad said,”Reckon that’ll be fine.”

With a handshake the deal was done,
each one sure they just got the best one.

Then they threw away the bottle’s plug,
and sat there til they finished off that jug

tickle secretary to dragon Chad

Best job I never had was being tickle secretary to a pink dragon, Chad.
I had twenty-six job before I met him, and believe me, they were all bad.
Tickled him every hour from his tail to his gigantic fire-breathing nose.
He laughed like hyena pack who had stayed all night in a bar until close.

If he guffawed too hard, I had to mop up the room and well beyond too.
The great news, is that Chad was good-natured and fun, never ever blue.
Spending time with him was a delight, I never got tired of working with him.
Now I clean up a grizzly bear with a toothache, his name is growly Jim.

When Sheep Play Poker

"A straight!  Two-three, five-six and eight,"
but Mildred bleated, "Ain't no straight;
you, Alice-ewe, are one dumb rump."
Bright chortles burbled round the stump
till Jingles raised, "Two straws of hay,"
too rich for Fay-Fay: "I can't play,
though, know that ram hauled in by truck?
I thought he gave me … lotsa luck!"
Suzette guffawed, "Not luck you meant."
"Perv, pigsty's where your mind has went!"
"Well, we all know why he's brung here …"
"Too bad it's only once a year." 
"Who poofed?" sneered Molly, "That's so crass!
Wow, someone dined on rancid grass …"
Embarrassed Mildred urged, "Just play,
let's brighten up this gloomy day."
Belle brooded, "Yeah, dawn brings the shears …"
"Well you look cute, nude tail to ears."
"And your sagged udder shows you're old!"
Tense silence fell--that barb was bold--
but Alice, heedless, claimed, "Two pair!"
which drew the wrath of Mildred's stare:
"Two fives, a two with ten on top?
You're one stupid mutton chop …"

I Was Demure Once

I was sedate once, dainty, delicate, demure, girly and feminine.
No you weren’t.
Sure, remember that day I wore the pink flowered dress?
And rolled in the mud with it? Yes, before I rolled in the mud.

I tried my fabrication on six more people.
They all knew me better. They clutched their sides and guffawed.
Some rolled on the floor and cried with screaming laughter.
I was never demure.

Her Name Is Moo

What is her name? We asked those who lived on floor blue.
Her name is Moo, and she is always wearing a flowered mumu.
No someone argued; that cow’s name is Frank footer Sue.
Why would that be? We wondered. Does it seem weird to you?

Why would a cow be named Frank footer, Mr. Magoo?
Magoo looked rather sheepish, it is best what he’ll do.
Seriously I queried. Is her name Sue, Lou or Magnificent Moo?
Here she comes now he said. And she smells quite like pooh.

I think she smells lovely I told him, down to her shoe.
He guffawed and laughed, he is evil, this mean Mr. Magoo.
Her name is Moo as surely as I live on this wing in blue.
For sure she was wearing a flowered mumu.

Between Each Rolling Sea

A king went down to a rolling sea;
declared to all:
"so far my Kingdom this shall be".

Time did pass,
invaders trespassed
then the invaded, invaded.
Great was all conflict spread
and after it
followed the dead.

The people cried out
from their cottage gardens,
from their farms and homes.
"Let it be, let it be,
this far only
shall our Kingdom be."

Above dark clouds
berserker Gods guffawed
and shook their spears -
sang out with a fierce 
and feral glee:

"Not for you, not for thee
shall there be peace
between the rolling seas."

Milton's Old Gal, From Kalamazoo

There once lived a girl with a bonnet of straw  
her song was so bad yet they did not outlaw   
blame the song not the brain    
said the chap, quite insane    
at the Kalamazoo bar even whiskey guffawed   

Milton the server from the far edge of town 
wiped down his bar and then gave her a frown 
she did not take heed 
she was all voice and greed  
at Kalamazoo hub all they drank was the Crown     

Her name was Petunia she sang like a spoon 
until Mexico John said, " I'll marry you soon"
she married him quick 
though thick as a brick 
he was cute as can be and played a bassoon.

Name Shame - Bawdy Word Play

Guest speaker was Mr Shaw-Twilley
I guffawed, his surname’s so silly
I slipped him a fiver 
To say my name’s Ivor
It sounded like I’ve a Short willy

N B Shaw-Twilley is a real surname!

09/24/21

The Smart Italian Girl

She was sixteen and dressed to the likings of fashion 
a beautiful loose top was her choice of today's passion 
as she mounted the bus she got stares from the guys 
and teasing looks, but none of them ever met her eyes 

yapping away in Italian thinking she looked a bit french 
they thought her cute, and some thought her a wench 
"poor girl" they said, "went down town, got pregnant" 
"and now she wears that top to hide the baby tenant " 

they laughed as they poked each other and guffawed 
gesturing like little ruffians and talking way too loud  
but to their surprise she turned to them and smiled,  
she was an Italian hot blooded girl, to put it mild...

when she spoke in Italian they gaped and shut up     
"cretino, stupido, imbecile" well I guess its my stop !  
guess your having fun at my expense,   hey boys 
then  she flirtatiously smiled, and left with poise 

they sat there dumfounded with faces slightly pinked   
as she stepped off the bus she turned, then winked. 

July 24, 2021

ps this is a true story by the way, slightly changed but true 
never assume someone doesn't understand a language ..

Mute

Do you hear it…?
Yes…The Mute..I mean

The Blaring Mute…
When she looks at the ancient mountains squealing of their esse

The Chortled Mute…
When her baby is tended and snuggled against her chest

The Guffawed Mute…
When she stood there to hear his raucous laughter making wacky faces

The Euphonious Mute…
With every word spoken about her beloved

The Sniveled Mute…
When he left her in the cold and cruel winter

The Mute.. so clamorous
The Mute that overcomes the cacophony of existence

Do you hear it…?
Her MUTE…

She Hemmed and She Hawed

Jack's wife went and burnt his favorite stew
He came home, kissed her, said: "Honey, what's new?"
   Poor Jane hemmed and she hawed
   Then husband Jack guffawed
Asked: "So what is it that smells like a shoe?"

Pen Disguised As a Hair Clip

Sat to jot down limerick in log book
Inept to find my pen carried miffed look
Probed my mum who lay on bed
She guffawed and slapped my head
The clutched one tumbled from hair as I shook

Aug 29, 2020

Note:Limerick fun poetry Contest.
Syllables checked: Howmanysyllables.com
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin.

Growl

The year was nineteen forty three 
back then crime was more 
then a mere slap on the knee  
Life in the mines was very good 
in fact so good that Bo got a gold tooth 
planted in his beautiful mouth 
When all the ladies saw him smile, 
they lined up single file ! ! ! 

Then one evening he went out for his cig 
and a gangster from the big saloon  
stole his tooth and sold it for a crown; 
He have it to his mama 
who worked at the canteen
Every day she'd pipe to the miners 
"ain't I fancy look at me !"
giving it a polished rag shine;  
The miners would grrrrr GROWL ...
"that tooth should be mine"
 though she laughed and guffawed 
they did not applaud, 

regardless of that, when Bo came to dine 
she flashed him a smile ... every time. 

July 17, 2018

I,H,T,M

It Happened to me!

Have you seen Micky
he's wet and he's sticky
he fell into a bucket of cream.
Well I laughed and guffawed
then tripped on a board
that soon wiped the smile off my face.
Now Micky's wet, still sticky I bet
but unlike me was in the right place.
Cause the bucket of cream
was only a dream
But me!
I've bruising all over my face.

A Life Game: Greed

What will their eternity win?
Greed, as a vice makes some men grin.
Money is their God.
Poor folks bear guffawed.
Then games bring a different kingpin!

© June 1, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

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