Friends Funny Poems

Oh, hail the champions of the couch potato throne,  
Whose true inspiration is laziness alone!  
From the depths of sloth, great inventions arise,...

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when I
young I

was well
and tell

my friends
split ends 

my hair
not fair

but clean
not mean

I wash
and brush

my locks
like ducks

to say
like fay

I sing
and swing 

and fly
not cry

to dry
not fry

under
hot...

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I thought at your fiftieth we would make up,
I saved every drop to buy you a new Ford.
Your Royce is still sweet, but it needs...

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                      Grannies On A...

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i’m on the floor
not by choice,
but by gravity
and the kind of despair
that smells like vodka
and the day’s last meal. 

the room spins,
those ethnic carpets under...

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the silver birch
it likes to hide
so as you search 
at eventide
you find it there with many friends
playing poker through the night

the common oak 
a wise...

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The mission was simple;
To save the whole planet
From white clouds
Lies the troopers

The wind howled
As they fell down
A headfirst dive
At the speed of sound

Death is a...

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I’m drunk, but you’re beautiful,
a line I used to rehearse.
The Dreamers’ artistic longing felt noble,
but it came with a curse.
I bought the ticket when I...

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On the shopping chanel
They sold a watch 
Not the chanel
I wanted to watch

Inspiration I need
Not a watch
Come on please
Help me plot

Seen a sketch show 
The...

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I’m having dinner with some friends. Affectionately known as “The Dead”
Staring at their faces, glued firmly in all places.

Who do you think your foolin? Your...

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There is a moment every single year
Such a joyful one without a tear
The tree is up, the food purchased
Delivered present, friends embraced
With time taken out...

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Blind Man’s Five-Legged Dog Rap 

Yo, gather 'round the table, let me spin you a tale, 'Bout a blind man named Benny, he was never...

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Elmer Fudd went hunting for a big prized Turkey.
A Big Gobbler he heard, Gobble near an Oak Tree..
He aimed his rifle, fired a shot!
Missed, Fell...

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We grew up with aphorisms--
Pithy, witty observations;
Some may only be sophisms
That were passed through generations.

Old but not anachronisms,
They’re still true in many nations.
They have kept...

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There once was a lady from Indy
Who comes out of her house when it’s windy
She doesn’t walk fast
Though her friends are aghast
That her petticoats look...

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