The morning sun still hits wrong.
And for a second, I think long.
I catch myself about to say your name,
Then realize the world is not the same.
It’s hard to let the days keep moving fast,
When all I want to do is hold the past.
My feet feel heavy, stuck in yesterday,
While everyone else just walks away.
But then I hear your voice inside my head,
Remembering the gentle words you said.
You never wanted me to hide in gloom,
Or let the shadows take up every room.
You’d tell me, "Go outside and see the sky,
Don't spend your time just asking reasons why."
You loved me, and you'd want to see me smile,
Even if it takes a little while.
So I will take a breath and take a step,
And try to keep the promises I kept.
I’m carrying your love as I move on,
Because you live in every brand new dawn.
Living in constant chaos.
Living in a constant war.
I never fully trusted.
I never went all in.
I had been burned too many times to have peace of mind.
Until I stumbled across my sedative to daily life.
I fell so fast.
I fell so hard.
I trusted fully.
I went all in.
Avoiding all types of conflict just to appease that scared little girl whom I carry daily.
Avoiding all types of conflict to keep home a safe place.
Permanently scared of the fall from the high.
Scared that the person who adores you will suddenly see the way you see yourself.
And I will be left picking up the pieces of my shattered heart.
I make something beautiful each day—
or I try.
I take my crippling sadness
and build a small light
knowing no one will see it,
no one will hold it.
It lives only long enough
to fade.
Because where there is love
there is loss,
and where there is joy
there waits the ache.
We are made to love,
and the love we’re given
for simply existing
will one day die
and carry with it
the confusion and the hurt.
So what do we do?
We begin again.
We make what we can
just to get through.
I’m only just learning this—
to accept the turning,
to accept the leaving—
because if I don’t,
someone else might carry
a sadness thats meant for me
I reject the rejection
I’m about to receive
I reflect the reflection
Without being seen
I confuse the confusion
Tie it up in a knot
I’d dilute the delusion
But Merlin I’m not
I infect the infection
With a greater disease
I detect the detection
With the greatest of ease
Disconnect my connection
Ride it out on my own
I’ll direct my direction
Then find my way home
~Billy Hitz~
I pray my verse may shelter you from storms life births.
Why rail, a curse that makes folks fear own fall from Grace,
or be so terse most heads are scratching! (What's been said?)
Let poem's rhyme, its logic's thread of twisted strands,
loom's warp be mime for woof I weave to form whole cloth.
Most don't have time for poetry, dream dreams have worth!
Let me explain! I'm fond of dreams that lift eyes up
from traveled plain (though few will yield a better life,
and dragons slain more fraud), but some can give heart wings!
Our times are strange. 'Fake news' (all facts I hope aren't true)!
And that can't change (unless it's just a magic trick
that you arrange!) Consider risk that time might stop!
Give poem pass! Five stars are all I need from you!
Why risk impasse! Most praise not worth a "fare thee well!"
I don't share grass, but I'd be glad to help you serve!
Brian Johnston
27th of March in 2023
sitting in front of the toilet throwing up
everything is spinning
everything is throbbing
when i get up, i feel like my body has bricks instead of bones
i go to lay down, but the pain, the nausea, and the dizziness has me all messed up
i begin to convulse again
i then jump up and zoom back to the bathroom
i made it just in time
this time the contents are all clear
this too is not good
i buckle down and drive to the emergency room
i find out that i have some type of contagious stomach bug
it all has me wanting to swallow a flyswatter
instead i head home and follow the doctor's orders
it is a good thing that i am off for the next three days
my bed is gonna be my bestest friend
my phone will be resting right along with me
all curtains will be closed
all knocks on my door will be intentionally ignored
i am determined to get my rest to wellness
Is there any place called heaven?
Search for twenty four into seven.
You find none, try anydone.
An impossible mission,
Never nears a completion.
Because of deception,
Hard to receive any reception.
Heaven implies fellicity,
With no duplicity.
It has no reality,
It is beyond practicality.
One needs contemplation,
Should draw illustration,
From Buddha's prescription,
Heaven is a perception.
If mortality is the only reality,
Where no one lives forever,
So don't run after durabilty,
As hell and heaven are short survivors.
Bedazzled
by the beauty of night:
you gaze at trillions of twinkling stars.
Mesmerized,
you commute with the stars:
feeling like you're connected somehow.
Overwhelmed,
the sanctity of space
encompasses you: body and soul.
Miracles
are rarely in plain sight:
one exception is the universe.
Clock strikes as the light fades from view and all you can see is
yellow.
Standing there watching you live out your destiny and I
couldn't be prouder.
Filled to the brim with compunction our paths couldn’t converge
but I'll always be there for you.
You're going farther than anyone could ever perceive, fathom,
imagine.
And you'll have me right behind you every step of the way
as we develop, grow, manifest into the best versions of humanity,
become what we were meant to be
and increase our eudaimonia to optimize our potential
as camaraderie metastasizes
to levels unseen since the inception of the written word.
Congratulations on getting everything you ever wanted.
You deserve it and every other reward you reap in the ebullient
years to come.
I only hope I can be as fortunate, methodical, utopian.
maybe someday
Make An Exception
This is what I want you to do. Make an exception because this is ME. I want you to make an exception each and every time. I'm unique and not like the others. I'm no sheep or herd animal. I reserve the right to be an exception. This is my personal right. And I'll use it every time.
Don't group me with the rest. They are them and I am ME. There's a big difference there. If I want to listen to gothic rock music, I will. No crap boy bands for me. If I want to send a story about fixing cars to a cookery magazine, I will.
It's me who got the ladies all hot and bothered with a 22MM spanner.
Because I'm the exception. Not the only exception, the actual exception. My full tattoo coverage confirms this. As does my harsh words when life get tough. Do I want to be perfect? No. Maybe you all should be. Then I'm even more of an exception.
So much sorrow and failure I see.
All are shipwrecked in life's angry sea.
Be it illness, divorce,
rack and ruin perforce.
The exception, of course... will be me.
No Exception to Deep Expression
We did determine poem was no exception;
Had much knowledge and deep expression;
Then translated,
By those educated;
Poets clearly will understand my perception.
Jim Horn
I live in a world so hard
When money is tough to come by,
I live in a world where to few people care
But the notable exception is you,
I live in a world of so much fear
A world of competition where people elevate
Themselves on a pedestal just to be seen, its true
But the notable exception is you
And in world that appreciates very little at all,
Where social media has become a playground for fools
No longer used as the greatest research tool,
The notable exception is you,
In this place where people cheer on those going to war
In a place where envy is rooted at its core,
Where people don’t grasp the concept of love anymore more
I know this does not comply to you,
Because you’re the notable exception it’s true.
Just as I finally fully fathomed,
That the exception does indeed prove the rule.
They went and changed the rule,
And now the exception is no longer the exception.
Now instead of being the exception, I take exception.
When the majority is the minority,
And the minority rules the majority,
The new rule makes majority rule, the exception,
That proves the new rule and makes me take exception.
Which is something I find hard to Fathom.
I hope that I can have it fathomed,
Before the new rule,
Becomes an old rule,
And the exception that was an exception,
Is no longer an exception,
Making the rule beyond my ability to Fathom.
In the meantime
If you can find the time,
And your memory does not let you down,
I suggest you tone it down,
And avoid joining the majority,
As to become part of the minority,
Seems to be the only way to not become the exception to the rule,
So, you can stand in the minority and you too can rule,
While I go away and do some more fathoming.
Perfect Life With One Exception
It does not make sense
You watch your body
like a hawk at war
You run, you yoga
You watch what you eat
You're a vegan
a healthy nut
bottled water
plenty of sleep
Great family
with two kids
and a dog
Yet why
do you
smoke
connie pachecho
2/9/2017
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