Funny Divorce Poems | Examples
These Funny Divorce poems are examples of Divorce poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Divorce Funny poems written by international poets.
No so funny, man,
Feeding me spam,
Morbidly yours, all right,
More verbs, how blight,
Don't waste your words,
You're beyond absurd,
Negative chaff and chatter,
Really does not matter,
Get over yourself,
Get off that shelf,
Go get a life,
Signed, your only wife!
No one believes your spam,
Morbidly yours, now scram!
“Abe, easy Dee, effigy, eight chives, Jake, ale, Em,
any hope, peak you, arrest a ewe, feed other ewe”
ex-wife said
she certainly SPELT it out!
he then went on to reCOUNT
“When, too, furry forks, fave socks sieving, eat known tin”
and there was something oddly familiar about it all
when ex-husband and ex-wife spoke their nonsense
Pardon me I have a message
You may think that it's a joke
But the bank has sent this letter
To inform you that you're broke
I can tell by your expression
None of this is very funny
But your wife and her lawyer
Just ran off with all your money
I know this comes as quite a shock
But Mister Man I'm begging you
Please don't shoot the messenger
I've got another job to do
She said she could never imagine me being married.
This stung.
We laughed.
I am the comic--
not the romantic.
Pain is pettier
felt without witness;
better yet, with punchlines.
Those who weep and wail are...
Genuine?
Authentic?
Deserving of more
labors of love?
We mustn't blame ourselves
for this.
We are pathetic souls,
and I am
fine with it.
After all, my spouse is already my sense of humor.
Your Heart I want it back, By Davieo, David Rothchild
Your Heart
I want it back
It was always my fervent passionate art
To draw out your laughter, smiles, track
Your feelings, whims, delights, moods
Awesome emotional baked goods
They have a solid place in my heart
Yours in mine so, we are never apart
Your heart, its crushing
Soul building binding love rushing
Into me, so potent, in every moment
Without it life's an unbearable torment
Your golden thrusting sparkling skies
Of love, will me, fill me, thrills my whys
Sets my lightning sky joys floating higher
Fire after fire, after fire, after fire, after fire
Just your looks, your sparking electrifying touch
Rocking soothing velvet skin, means so much
Your masterful magnetic magical melting smell
A forceful winning spell which mighty armies compel
I can see wonderful heaven in your eyes
Joyous of our vaulting love all angels cries
Ascend, that this love should be a compass
For eternal loves, passions that will always last
By Davieo, David Rothchild
She named her husband Ruth. He thought it was funny at first.
Her second husband was nicknamed Thomasina.
He left before the marriage was consummated.
You have to stop doing this her mother told her.
She nicknamed her mother spoil sport Dick.
Spoil Sport Dick disowned her.
Little people, funny creatures
Once so fragile now so strong
Little people, who are you now?
To me no more do you belong.
I wait so fearful, apprehensive
Who am I to be?
Was once their world, their eager faces
Eternally turned to me.
I doubt, I fear, I do not believe
And thoroughly distrust
The bond of motherhood so strong
Find strength for them, I must.
What cannot be broken, has changed forever
A ghostly reminder it did not last
Our fortress of love soon to crumble
We are but memories , fading fast.
So here I stand an empty vessel
Who am I to be?
Those little people, funny creatures
What do they want from me?
My heart's out on the train track
and the train is on it's way
When I think the whistle's blowing
and the breeze has lied to me
And I go about my business
knowing love is on the way
When the train must run me over
For the love to fell away
When its only time to tell me
That the train was running late
As it's only scheduled to me
when my moves were not that great
And my love could only fail
for my life to end this way
As it's only make-believe
that my love has come today
In a train that keeps on chugging
for an engine in dismay
Where I loved her for another
down the track past where I lay
The West
A gun, a holster, bullets…
A glass of whiskey and
a ten-gallon hat.
A horse, a saddle, a bridle…
and bags to hold it all.
Good guys, bad guys,
sheriffs, and hoods.
Shoot outs, long rides,
and even skinning hides…
just for a living.
Heroes and villains…
Fought caught and hanged…!
Eternally glorified,
all around the world.
Cowboys of fame…
never refrain.
You are who you are…
Spaghetti to hard sand,
a rare, uniquely, promised land.
Deserts and high country,
Indians and explorers…
Men of great pride!
Your word, your bond,
Your story,
will last long.
Forever.
Dearly Beloved,
Do you take this member?
Both hard and limp
Whether he’s a stud or a wimp?
Either flaccid or erect
Honor and obey
Your supposed to reflect
What is the reason
You wish to get hitched?
Afraid of being rejected?
And possibly ditched?
A contract with a clause
To help you when you pause
Give me half
So says our laws
I loved you before
But that was then
Now that your broke
You’re simply a has been
I find it funny that
Your emotions
Reflect a price
We used to smile
And you were nice
But time has eroded
Our happiness and joy
Was your affection just a ploy?
Anyone married
Knows the game
I love you and need you
But you drive me insane
Marriage they say is an institution
But when it goes wrong
You suffer retribution
It’s better to be single
And remain in peace
Then to put your heart on a lease
Eric (and sometimes not)
There once was a man named Morse
Who was really as strong as a horse
But when he feared a little mouse
Running madly around the house
His wife quickly filed for a divorce
On the first day of x-mas
My ex wife gave to me
a card from her new attorney
On the second day of x-mas
My ex wife gave to me
Two weeks to leave
and a card from her new attorney
On the third day of x-mas
my ex wife gave to me
Three poloraids
two weeks to leave
and a card from her new attorney
On the fourth day of x-mas
my ex wife gave to me
Four hotel bills
Three polaroids
two weeks to leave
and a card from her new attorney
On the fifth day of x-mas
my ex wife gave to me
five ....oh hell
I was gone...by this time
who am I fooling
and a card from her new attorney
I'm changing my name to bee. I'm busy as a bee. Cooking meals, paying the bills and then there's the groceries. Floors to sweep, floors to mop and the laundry too. So much to get done, always on the run. I'm busy as a bee.
I'm busy as a bee. Doctors appointments and physical therapy. Wash the car and fill up with gas. Taking out the trash. Watching the clock, no time to stop. Gotta move fast.
I'm busy as a bee. Takes my mind off of me. Life's too short to sit in self pity, so if I'm feeling down I guess I best get up and get busy.
When my husband and I were in Las Vegas, I had a great suggestion,
To go to the Little White Chapel, and renew our vows in celebration.
I thought it would be such a lark we wouldn’t forget.
Having Elvis perform the ceremony would be the best thing yet!
However we never made it to the chapel, he refused.
To do such a silly thing did not leave him amused.
Maybe that was an indication of what was to come.
Divorce ensued, and sorrow beat its drum.
I want to go to the Little White Chapel with a new man.
We would have so much fun before our life began!
We could play a slot machine on our way out.
Then we would be man and wife with a payout!
The spirit of divorce is in me
I want to divorce my beautiful wife
to marry a funny joyous jest
the motives I do not know
But the more I want to divorce
the more I love her joyfully
divorce impossible, I guess
This annoys me as I chase my tail
she has tied my joyful heart to her bottom
yet her bottom is in my hateful foot
my heart is bitter, lips sweeter
but my ego is anemic and pale
cats twitter up and down my mind
monkeys gather at the door and jeer at me
the wind that blows asks me what’s up?
to all these I cannot make sense at all