A candy cane fell off the tree
And landed on my pussy's knee
She licked sweet hair
'Til it was bare
Some call that, "Serendipity"!
Two years ago
Man started defending
A war with virus
Now still going on
Man's throne is unstable
New deputy is rising up one by one
Soon out of control
Unknown and discouraging
Many have given up and gone
Pity the man
Pity the digital world
Pity the innocents who have departed
Without knowing what really happened
Even those still alive are wondering
Who will be the king
In the next dynasty
The man or the virus
Sheriff Andy’s had his share of strife
with his deputy dope, Barney Fife.
That first time that Barney
showed up full of blarney,
Andy ought to have run for his life!
Feb. 7, 2019
The life of this Fife was inane
No burglars did Barney detain
Got locked in the cell
As crooks bade farewell
Seems God gave him just half a brain
In comedy each plays a part
Aunt Bea cooked and huge was her heart
Old Otis loved booze
And Andy could schmooze
But Barney made others look smart
*February 3, 2019
For Joseph’s Limerick Four Contest
Howmanysyllables.com: 88558 88558
I live in Hazzard County and I am Deputy Enos Strate.
I'm a virgin because Daisy Duke is the only girl I want to date.
People like me because I'm Hazzard's only honest cop.
I had my own show over 30 years ago but it was a flop.
I work for Sheriff Coltrane and J.D. Hogg and if you deal with them, you will get conned.
I eat the General Lee's dust and I constantly drive my patrol car into the Hazzard Pond.
I wreck a lot of cars because the Duke Boys are who I have to chase.
People make fun of me because I always have a silly grin on my face.
I was humiliated when Bo and Luke hung me on the wall like a side of beef.
Rosco always calls me a dipstick and because of him, I've seen a lot of grief.
Daisy won't marry me even though I try again and again.
I guess that I'm doomed to die a sexually frustrated virgin.
(This poem was inspired by The Dukes of Hazzard TV show.)
Old dogs will not learn new tricks
Young dogs love to play heads and tails and chase after sticks
Give a dog a bad name
Hi meet my new puppy, I called him Saddam Hussain
Your the man now dog
You son of a *****, thats rich
Every dog has his day
Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, fido, saturday, sunday
Alpha male
Beta *****
Running with both hounds and hares
Cant make his mind up if he is a dog, who cares
A not unblack dog was chasing a not unsmall rabbit across a not ungreen field
Meanwhile the white dog ran after a hare through the rape seed
Meaner than a junk yard dog
$50.00 for an old fender
Hair of the dog
Too much grog
Go see a man about a dog
Go get some more grog
Don Knotts played the role of Deputy Fife,
Whose tomfoolery created much strife!
He bungled all that he did!
Sheriff Taylor blew his lid,
Distressed by Barney's screw-ups that were rife!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Four hooves at the ready
one-eyed tall snorting
he one chewed cigar puffing
left on the rope
right wrapped round horse ear
eye to eye staring down
the trailer at once prize and prison
pawing the air no more
carried by an ear into darkness
Old Smoky the victor again
Sunder was loaded.
In a frontier town of Oregon
lives a rascally son of a gun.
He’s taking on louses
that beat up their spouses.
I can hardly believe that’s my son!
For Carolyn Devonshire's Contest:
Lawyer Limericks