TONAL VISIONARY
extensive
figurative
moments
traditionally
hidden
yet
celebrated
with
acuity
contradicted
an
estranged
correctve
a
lyrical
conduit
with
abiding
prescience
resonating
experientially
A glass within a glass;
in that glass, I seek.
A life within a life;
in that life, I find an unknown movie.
Passing distant echoes,
chasing unforgettable letters and pauses,
finding comfort in the words,
searching for meaning in a glass within.
There is a transparent figure;
I confront myself with an unsatisfied appetite.
There is a wholesome attitude;
I return to myself, and then someone is finally abandoned.
I used to curse my glass for a long time.
I used to urge myself to be forgotten.
I shaped myself into something vast:
a life within a body that strides into the unknown.
I contradicted my reflection with a mouthful of pretty lies.
The light reflects like dice in the glass in my mind.
For so long, I have been trying to chase an unknown dream:
from where I stand to where I am destined.
The girl ‘ Miss No’ born stubborn ! Since childhood
always acted prompt on intransigence.
Decisive, contradicted , but not rude.
Obstinate and not to be influenced.
Apprehending her opposite reactions,
Parents, free to contradict their own advice
suggested just opposite instruction.
She followed their real wishes, acted nice.
So comfortable on confrontation ,
Each time showed aggression, as observed,
never went on easy interaction .
Getting maturity , she fell in love.
About her love, fiance had no doubt,
but he understood well her ideology.
If he expressed his love, he would be out,
so applied reverse psychology.
Not right to go for direct proposal.
Better to choose opposite direction.
Otherwise he would get straight refusal.
Girl went to meet him on invitation.
Being bold the guy told’ I am leaving town.
Further, our relation, not to carry . I’m sorry.'
Instantly she gave stern look, making frown
and said' I won't allow : This is the time ! We will marry. '
Dear lord I'm addicted
All my morals are conflicted
The necessities been evicted
I ought to be convicted
And I should be restricted
As it was depicted
Some would say predicted
Once I became subscripted
That I'd soon be afflicted
And definitely unrestricted
It can't be contradicted
'cause to poetry I'm addicted
Some decisions must be made
And they could be the wrong ones,
Since opinions may not jive
With yours and might be strong ones.
Everybody’s comfort level
Varies so completely,
Even with the facts, the pros and cons
Don’t line up neatly.
Trust your gut is what they say
But you may feel conflicted,
Especially when hearing
Your conviction contradicted.
Life has always been this way,
Though Covid’s made things starker
And when decisions must be made
My mood gets that much darker.
proximity was far beyond the reach
of closure departure
destination settlement
immediacy suspended a hung sky
in longitude perspectives
equations riddles
requests gripped the claws in vain
from suffering attachment
torture stranglehold
distance called upon commotion
in puzzlement surrender
gratitude belief
restitution bridged the gaping hole
for restitution destiny
awareness harmony
as the horizon tilted into meaning
contradicted stagnant apprehension
a canopy of scintillating comfort
crowned her roots with wings to fly
in liberation acceptance
tranquility balance
tarred feathers oozed in the sun
skin healed the scars of separation
wounds closed outskirts of despair
outposts became internal delectation
as life reached out and one path closed opened up the journey ...
I’m going to make you feel my pain,
I’m sewing hate,spool of misplaced thread,
Stitch my view, mistakes fed,
Wish I knew how to heal my head.
In my lane, going insane, never thought my thoughts would cane my brain.
Whiplashed, my mind splashed back
Only to attack my own body sake
Lonely In fact, my mind commits then redacts, admits then retracts , misfit in weighted slacks. Hissy fit in a trapped contradicted map.
Laid out to waste, can’t even come to trace, these steps that revolve around a torn state,
I was born in late, docs made a mistake,
Now I want to drop a bomb and level this whole place.
But not literally just in case the idiocy is too timid to see the truth in my taste.
I have become amused
I have become blind
I have become
what I know not breath
You seem illiterate to all my emotions
I stand corrected on how well you read
You speak the truth
You speak with me
You feel the love
I have yet to find
I know it is there
But I let the sandcastles kill my mind
Pathetic me, I long to be with you
I think I’m close but I stand so far
The turbulent one sheds turbulent tears
I miss the love only because they starve
Oil and water
Lust and sympathy
I life and death my way through the sun
Where originates all the pain that leaves
My memory a traumatic sponge and writes to you
To channel a professional liar
How long I have contradicted those vibes
Journey help me, think I'm falling
It's not the love and quest then why?
The fear of pity is always awake
But infinite sympathy is completely gone
Oh my word,it echoes the mind
In total recall as wild as the deuce
So superficial is the open wound
Infection in my left leg
Is that I seek for sympathy and I can't lie
Whatever it is I do I try to think of you
I hope you look at me through patient eyes
Trump returned home, empty handed
while in Congress Cohen grandstanded,
recounting more malicious misdeeds,
as sycophants yell pro-Trump screeds;
Trump paid off mistresses, faked his wealth,
conducted illegal acts and obscured his health;
lied to German bankers cause he wanted team,
football gods blocked that particular dream;
Trump again contradicted intelligence minders
hoping our citizenry wore its bullsh** blinders;
while followers racist and nationalist incited,
how much longer before this man’s indicted?
she loved him that much was true
but to him it was a game,he knew what to say and do
he followed the script and said everything right
until she actually believed hes stay by her side
she brushed off everything anyone said
a player, a liar, do you really want to get mixed that???
she defended him even though his actions contradicted his words
all she saw was the light in his eyes and a cheeky smirk
when the house of cards that was their relationship tumbled down
she clenched her jaw and her stood her ground
he begged and pleaded saying he was different
yet how could be if he treated her like she was insignificant
treated her like he was disinterested
treated her like she was she was too serious and he wasn't with it
she loved him that much was true
he couldn't appreciate her so she did what she had to do
Faded Shadows
To those who have known me lately
(As in the last 10 years of life)
You really don’t know me at all
And to those, that have known me most of my life
My friends and family alike
You really don’t know me either
For, in the last 10 years, I have stirred up fears
I wish that I could say, “I’ve done all I can”
In a bad situation, of my creation
I can only try and understand
WHY
And who am I in this world
When all I’ve tried to do is right
I’m often conflicted, my thoughts contradicted
But each day is such a fight
And in all this time, I’ve tried to find ‘what’s mine’
But all there is are faded shadows
And in all this time, I’ve tried to find
But all there is
And, all that I am
Is faded shadows
© 2016 Jeffrey Spencer
Beaten and battered I ran to the mountains,
I didn’t see pretty scenery or flowing fountains-
All I saw was lack of forgiveness without grace,
as I remember the look you smeared on your face.
Torrential downpours ruined our wedding day,
lack of love was probably why I didn’t stay-
I’ve raced your horses and ended up in the stable,
but completely loving you I was never able.
“RUN FAST!”, and never look back mamma told me,
I should’ve listened but I wanted to feel free-
“Please no more chains!” they leave me constricted,
I’ve lived a life so lost and contradicted.
Loss is the reason I have never loved deep,
pain and sorrow is the reason I never sleep-
Promises broken as I close my eyes the last time,
the mountains didn’t save me, you were never mine.
October 5, 2016
I don't want more of your love
but I'm contradicted.
I don't need anymore of your love,
But I'm addicted.
I can't get a hold of myself,
I want to break away.
One part of me wants to go,
The other wants to stay.
You have taken over me,
You won't let me break free.
I go and beg and plead.
Your love is all I need.
You caught me in your trap.
Inside your spell.
Is this love going to be heaven,
Or am I going to hell.
Your spell has been cast,
got me in a trance.
And now I can't get you out of my head,
I need your romance.
You have taken over me,
You won't let me break free.
I go and beg and plead.
Your love is all I need.
Now you made me turn into an animal,
I don't want anymore.
But you make me keep coming back,
I keep wanting more.
My heart has now been tainted,
Into corruption.
You made my heart go into chaos,
Into disruption.
You have taken over me,
You won't let me break free.
I go and beg and plead.
Your love is all I need.
You have taken over me,
Is plain for you to see,
I am yours to take,
To make my heart break.
There was nowhere to end
Until someone said "we've begun"
Noone knew how to lose
Until someone shouted "I won"
If all smiles came from the heart
How did pain ever learn where to start
As respect falls under
The clumsy feet of fools
Jerusalem trembles
With walls of tarnished Golden Rules
Remove the burden of each heavy heart
Bathed in light
Let forgiveness start
Reason contradicted
Dispel the doubts and fears
Embrace each man as brother
Listen, in the grace of silence
He is here.
I write this poem with heart-felt words
Words that speaks the truth
The heart is complicated
Love is contradicted
Men are confusing
Women are forgiving
Children are a blessing
Family is a treasure
Pain is a killer
Sorrow is like the first trigger
Bitterness is a disaster
Loneliness is insanity
Depression is overrated
Marriage is disintegrating
People are misunderstanding
Humanity is disappearing
Children are starving
Yahweh is crying
Man I am running
The world is crumbling
Yeshua is calling
No ones watching
Politian’s are laughing
Nations dividing
No ones caring
Why am I writing?
Mother are you hearing
My words are multiplying
They can’t stop flowing
My mind is exploding
Why am I dedicated?
These words are electrifying
Each sentence is persecuting
Mother are you crying
These words have me dying.
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