wizard cat would not reveal his recipes or spells to any
I was not born yesterday he told his cousin Nosey Winnie
Winnie was irritated, because he had the best magic of all.
And he made wonderful cakes, none of them would fall.
Crazy crow flew in loops and whorls
Flying pattern as scalloped as mama’s curls
Wee witch said he’s the familiar for me
Invited him to sup on blueberry afternoon tea
Crazy crow flew in the window, around the kitchen twice
The cat said “he looks marvelous, I think he’s nice.”
She truly thought he looked plump and tasty too.
When the crow saw this fat cat, away he flew….
“I suggest we break the ice”, the interloper said.
I began chopping with a snow axe, and she laughed.
You must have been born with a silver spoon, she threw out.
I threw the snow axe at her; irritated she had called it a spoon.
She ducked, as cool as a cucumber.
I was irritated now.
“I’ve got your number,” she told me.
I had no idea how she had gotten it.
“I was not born yesterday,” she added.
I knew from her wrinkles she was not lying.
“This is as easy as ABC,” she said. “You are transparent.”
I was not a happy camper now, she was getting under my skin.
“Hold your horses,” I told her. “You are coming on too strong.”
“You’ll be in hot water if you continue egging me on like this.”
She laughed. “Let me put a bug in your ear,” she said.
“Hot water is something I do best after falling through a hole in the ice.”
Halfway through summer
You delivered a bummer
Sold off all your big stars
Nobody knows
who your new players are
Last night's game?
You lost Ten-to-Nothing
Today you scored more
Something like 17 to 4
Poor fans have nothing to cheer
We just cry in our beer
But, I'll come watch anyway
'Course, my ticket YOU'LL pay
~ I wasn't born yesterday!
_________________________________
For more information on my birthday,
Multiply 24 beers by 3, then ask a gypsy!
~ I ain't no dummy!
Give yourself
A round of applause.
You did pull one over on me
And laughed at my expense.
Well-done, grasshopper.
Well-played, but you revealed
The tricks of your trade in the process.
The jig is up, Mr. Swindler;
Now I get to laugh at you
Reuse them again to snow me.
You regurgitate the same old methods
To hoodwink and entrap me.
Haven't you no shame?
You're as transparent as cellophane;
so predictable I enjoy mocking you.
You bit me once and broke my skin,
But now I see you've got no teeth!
Born yesterday, my eyes
Are wide open today!
There's no magic in your sleight of hand.
I've got your number, and you're out of tricks.
You've tried your level best
To inscribe "fool" on my forehead,
But have you checked yours
In the mirror lately?
*work of fiction*
Date posted: 07/28/2021
They think that they know something about my life , not in the same hood and not in the same flight. Maybe the same class but not the same grade ,maybe the same church just not the same doctrine and that, My friend! Distinguished eagles from chickens. I have always rode solo like an egg thrown in an ostrich's nest.
I am a self made individual. Through heuristics and meliorism , everything l know now , l learn by myself and it's the best type of education.
Oh how stupid am l to be the one who knows it all, thinking l am without flaws?
That time thinking no one knows yet you let the door open.
The stash you think only the walls know , well granny knows about it too.
Sleeping naked thinking the moon is not staring, well cover up!
Hands shaking claiming to be nervous , well they were not born yesterday!
Every activity done in darkness shall be revealed in the lightest of seasons.
Don't ever think you are clever ,only he who created me knows better.
[Inspired by ‘Stating The Obvious’
Contest but doesn’t meet the spec]
Millionaire, Bartholomew Fairfax
Admitted today, he ‘forgot’ to pay tax
Goodness gracious, well I never
Knock me over with a feather
Who’d have thought it
Pull the other one
And this from his latest press release
The girl on his arm was not his niece
You’re kidding, no way
No sh1t Sherlock, you don’t say
Tell me something I don’t know
Shut the front door, I’ll be blowed
His jewel bedecked wife in her large golden carriage
Is backing her man for the sake of their marriage
Who’d have guessed it, Gosh, who knew
Crikey, Get away with you,
Well I’m gobsmacked,
I was not born yesterday
Still to come in The News tonight
Two youths in a pub have been in a fight
And the final result in formula one...
The man in the fastest car has won
Goodness gracious, well I never
Knock me over with a feather
Who’d have thought it
Pull the other one
The Grim Reaper gave up
So he sent his most fierce three
Their goal was simple
To scare the bejeezus out of me
I am hardheaded, and stubborn.
I was not about to go easily.
They learned the hard way
These so called fierce three
Sure, Reaper, send them when I am asleep.
Lying here, innocently, alone and unprotected.
I am not one to wail, keen or weep.
Yet I did not do what these entities expected.
The evil thoughts they tried to instill in my head
And the hateful ideas they tossed my way,
Were quickly thrown to the floor off the bed.
You see I was not born yesterday.
These three stopped laughing and began to moan.
They did not realize how hard my death was going to be.
Grim Reaper showed up and rolled his eyes at these crone.
I told you she would not go very easily!
She is sweet, real sweet.
Uncle Leroy was not born yesterday.
Is she ugly? Hideous? Plump beyond my imagining?
No. Nothing like that. She is toothless though.
I don’t mind.
She gets wrinkles in her neck.
So do I.
She has a horrible laugh, kind of like a cackle.
I could handle that. Bring her over, I’ll meet her.
The only thing she forgot to tell him is that she had no body.
He tried his best to pretend it did not matter
But it did.
Deceived and Relieved
I knew it would end in tears.
The trouble is: I never cry.
You’ve realised all my fears.
And I didn’t blink an eye.
I knew where I stood, so goodbye.
Run away from every painful fact,
Back to momma, I won’t die.
I found you out, no need to act.
Well, I wasn’t born yesterday.
Even though I think you were.
You haven’t enough courage to stray.
Go tell tales, unfounded to her.
The money’s gone, all’s dried up.
The idiot’s no fool; I knew your plan.
There’s no more overflowing cup.
Want my advice? Get away while you can.
David Cox 15/05/18
There where the tuna sleep mighty
Wet as usual imprisoned in ocean
There are creatures above with poles
The oxygen nitrogen breathers
The ones with limbs on their sides
With eyes facing front fashioned to hunt
Beings that live in the thin environment
Trying to take the tuna out one by one
To take them home and fry them quickly
How naive these killers of tuna are
Do they really think they can trick a fish
With lures and lines and an ugly worm
Dangling in front of them for amusement
Tuna were not born yesterday you know
They come from noble eggs exposed at birth
Ready to attack or swim away to safety
To protect their dignity from the depraved
What harm have tuna ever done to men
Have they no shame when they go fishing
When they hang them like trophies on a wall
Make sandwiches of them for a child's lunch
Tuna never go to war or betray the trust of others
True. They do not respect their mothers
But if they knew them that would be another story
A fish story for sure
Seriously?
Give me a break! I am not that gullible!
What's this baloney you're trying to feed me?
Most ridiculous story I ever heard!
Do you truly think I was born yesterday?
AP: Honorable Mention 2025
all these comments and none that matter
ego intact, not broken or shattered
say what you want, you arrogant fools
hope you don't fall from that high stool
you think you know, and I'll take a knee
not born yesterday, or hidden from thee
I put it all out, for others to see
what they all think matters little to me
so go ahead all, take your best shot
cause like I said, it matters naught
I read once, the constitution says
I have free speech, it's none of your biz
I Wasn't Born Yesterday
I'm 96 years old. I can't remember at what point
my life became an endurance event. My scrapbooks
are full of ghosts. My lovers were buried long ago.
My family thinks I'm from another world. Maybe I am.
I never talk to strangers anyways.
Stop me if you've heard this one.
I feel as though we've met before.
Perhaps I am mistaken
but it's just that I remind you
of someone you used to care about
But that was long ago.
Do you think I'd fall for that?
I wasn't born yesterday!
Besides I never talk to strangers anyways.
I ain't a bad guy when you get to know me,
I just thought, "there ain't no harm",
and you look like someone who likes a good time.
Hey! Try minding your own business
Bud. Who asked you to annoy me
with your sad repartee?
Besides I never talk to strangers anyways.
Your life's a dime store novel.
This town is full of guys like you.
And you're looking for someone
to take the place of her,
and you're bitter cause she left you.
That's why you're drinking in this bar
where only suckers fall in love
with perfect strangers.
It always takes one to know one.
Maybe we're just wiser now.
and been around the block so many times
that we don't even notice
that we all begin as strangers.
Besides I never talk to strangers anyways.
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