Best Born Yesterday Poems
He is "half a bubble off of centre"
More than "A few bricks short of a load"
He is not a Prince worth kissing
He is more of an ugly toad.
Some think he is "Rock Solid"
A veritable "Mountain of a man"
Instead he's a snake Replacing a ladder
Nothing but a "flash in the pan"
You'll have to "hit the nail on the head"
For "he's not the sharpest tack in the box"
If you don't want this jerk to catch you
I recommend "pulling up your socks
If you think I was "born yesterday"
Or "I've got nothing to lose"
Instead of "Drinking the koolaide"
You musta been guzzlin the booze
For I am "the man of your dreams"
Look my way I'm "Love at first sight"
Forget that other "good for nuttin" fella
I'll "rock your world" "forever, a day and a night!"
This Cowboy came into this world with nothing.
So when you said you were leaving, I said
" Fine."
Now, I hope I Find a little Darling.
That can take me out to dinner and fine dine.
That can take me out to dinner and fine dine.
You see, I always paid the bills with my own money,
and you know these times have - a - changed.
So when I hand the bill back to you honey. Please
don't give me that awful look of shame.
Oh, please don't give me that awful look of shame.
I got concerned, when she was spending all my money.
My gut told me, it was time to go, for honey.
So, I asked her nicely, to sign a prenup.
She told me, " Oh Hell No, I'm not!" NO, "HELL NO,
I'm NOT!!!
The look on her face was priceless.
She said "I ain't -a- signing!"
Yelled, "Kiss my Ass Darling!" and
stormed out the room like lightening!
Oh, She stormed out the room like lightening!
So it saddens me to say goodbye to her,
and if you ask her, she'd say I was a Jerk.
Truth be told the reason why.
My credit card balance, reached the sky.
Oh, my Credit card balance, reached the sky.
Now I wasn't born yesterday,
and this Cowboy knows a trick or two.
When a Cowgirl says, " I love You."
Hide your wallet, and Credit Cards too!
Oh,"Hide your wallet, and Credit Cards, too!"
Cause you want to leave this world with a
little something, and not taken to the
cleaners by your darling.
No not taken to the cleaners by your darling.
Please don't think all women are all bad.
It was bad luck, this cowboy had.
Wishing for a cowgirl, that saves, not spends,
so We can ride into the sunset once again.
Oh we can, ride into the sunset once again.
Now you ask me what the Moral of this story is?
And, I'll answer you with one reply.
When you find a cowgirl, and you know she's right.
Hide your money, cause she'll take it, out of sight!
(Repeat)
OH, Hide your money, cause she'll take it, out of sight!
So, when you leave this world you'll have a little
something, and You won't be taken to the Cleaners, by
your wife.
No, You wont be taken to the cleaners by your wife...
This was written in fun, truth
be told women are much more
to be trusted than men...
Seriously?
Give me a break! I am not that gullible!
What's this baloney you're trying to feed me?
Most ridiculous story I ever heard!
Do you truly think I was born yesterday?
AP: Honorable Mention 2025
We have spent a lifetime developing an understanding of our heartstrings…
discovering our happiness, our love, and our enjoyment…in all the little things.
Things like popcorn at the movies, falling leaves, kind words,
banana pudding, chocolate ice cream, the singing of the birds.
Puppies…singing in the shower, counting all the stars,
holding hands, family dinners, eating peanut butter from a jar.
Flying kites, reading a good book, doing something totally unplanned
Climbing a mountain, eating s’mores,
walking near the ocean with our bare feet in the sand.
Butterflies, ladybugs, rainbows, the shape of clouds up in the sky
Hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day…chasing fireflies.
Cookies warm out of the oven…the smile of a bride as she walks down the aisle
Children, grandchildren, root beer floats…a hug, a kiss…a smile.
Since we continue to discover new little things with every dawn
It makes sense that our list of little things…goes on and on and on.
And to this list today…with a happy heart…this joyous news we bring…
born yesterday (November 15th) into our family…our newest little thing.
Her name is yet to be determined but I’m happy to report
baby girl, proud Mom and Dad are doing great.
She is 18.8 inches tall…and I’ll have to leave you guessing
because one never asks a lady…even a little lady…
to tell us of her weight….
And as new great-grandparents…also just born yesterday
when it comes to Deborah and me…
we are over the moon with excitement…as happy as can be!
Speaking for the other great-grandparents, grandparents, parents
aunts and uncles who were also born yesterday….
we are all so happy little one…you decided to come our way.
One look at your face, baby girl, tells us you were worth the wait…
and reminds us when two people fall in love…
the kind of magic and the beauty
true love can create.
There once was a couple
Names of Mary and Joe
5 Months off wedded bliss
And not one seed did Joe sow.
Then one day Mary sat Joe down
Said she had news to make him glad
A wonderful thing had happened
And he was to be a dad.
Joe looked at Mary
As if she had gone crazy
Woman how can this be
I’ve done nought to make a baby.
It was a miracle says Mary
Happened the other night
The Lord visited me and I saw Heaven
And the room was filled with light.
He said to me you are chosen
To have a virgin birth
The child shall be the son of God
The saviour of all Earth.
Now Joe was a simple man
But of Mary’s tale he was not sure
Do you think I was born yesterday
Was it John from next door?
My darling Joe I tell the truth
This you must believe
You are the only one for me
Whom I would never deceive.
And Joe saw in Mary’s tears
That she was sincere
He said he would spread the word
And fill the world with cheer.
The world rejoiced and praised
When the baby boy was born
Gifts arrived daily by first class post
Gold, frankincense and perfume to be worn
Now Joe became a sadder man
Thoughts of Mary with another caused him pain
So he gathered up all the gold
And was never seen again.
There once was a couple
Names of Mary and Joe
5 Months off wedded bliss
And not one seed did Joe sow.
Then one day Mary sat Joe down
Said she had news to make him glad
A wonderful thing had happened
And he was to be a dad.
Joe looked at Mary
As if she had gone crazy
Woman how can this be
I’ve done nought to make a baby.
It was a miracle says Mary
Happened the other night
The Lord visited me and I saw Heaven
And the room was filled with light.
He said to me you are chosen
To have a virgin birth
The child shall be the son of God
The saviour of all Earth.
Now Joe was a simple man
But of Mary’s tale he was not sure
Do you think I was born yesterday
Was it John from next door?
My darling Joe I tell the truth
This you must believe
You are the only one for me
Whom I would never deceive.
And Joe saw in Mary’s tears
That she was sincere
He said he would spread the word
And fill the world with cheer.
The world rejoiced and praised
When the baby boy was born
Gifts arrived daily by first class post
Gold, frankincense and perfume to be worn
Now Joe became a sadder man
Thoughts of Mary with another caused him pain
So he gathered up all the gold
And was never seen again.
It was the first trip to Europe for Miss Hews
who was terribly shocked by statuary views.
She thought it a sin
to show so much skin.
Some of which apparently struck her as news.
"Camptown Races sing this song, Do Dah! Do Dah!"
( sung incessantly by a certain, unique rooster.)
Henry Hawke: ( Sung to Holly Jolly Christmas:)
" I'll be there and back by sunset.
There's a chicken there for me!
Mom and Dad will be proud, you bet!
when a chicken, they'll see!"
Henry: ( Sung to Arkansas Traveler:)
" I think that there's a chicken, yes, indeed!
No need to check, that's a chicken, yes, siree!
I know that that's a chicken , yes, indeed!
Even though he has a snout for pecking at the seed!"
POW! ( cue woozy music.)
Barnyard Dog:
Hey, wait a minute, kid!
Have you flipped your lid!"
Henry:
" I hit you a good one and I'm the winner!
Now come along with me! You're what's for dinner!"
Barnyard Dog:
" Eh, kid.. I'm a dog, don't you get it!
Now, scram! Before I make you regret it!"
" Camptown races, sing this song..
I say , I say.. it's not the words,
son, it's the song
It kind of.. eh, moves me along, err.."
Henry:
" Oh, the shame!
The family name!
Life for me will never be the same!"
Barnyard Dog:
" Someone's given you the bum steer!"
He looks at Henry crying.
" Kind of gets you right here..
Tell ya, what, kid!
I'll give you a real clucker with all the feathers!
Now listen to me, the sooner the better.." Pss. psst. pss..
"Camptown Races, Uhh, oh, I say, I say..
What do we have here?!
An unholy alli, alli alli, joining together.
and the word is ..Beware!"
I say, son!
What are, what are you doing here
in my little slice of paradise?!"
Henry:
"Ehh, Mister Cock-a-Doodle Doo..
I'd turn around if I were you!"
"Heh, heh heh..
Obviously, this boy believes
that I was born yesterday
if not the day before!
Let me lead him on a little more.."
"Just what am I supposed to see, there, ehh, son?
The rising moon? The setting sun? Heh, Heh, Heh.."
BAM!
"I, I, I think I've been way layed.
I, I, better look for some shade.."
PLOP!
"That boy's got more nerve than a bum tooth!
ehh, that's a joke, son!
Miss Prissy! My my time has come too soon!"
Eeee, THUD!
Henry and Barnyard Dog( together.):
"Geez, What a maroon!"
Cue the Looney Tunes end music.
(" Eer.. That's your cue, son!")
" Can't find no good cartoon help these days!" THUD!
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Cloistered within the restroom stall
eavesdropping on my peers
soft whispers echo off tiled walls
revealing secrets, hidden tears
Somehow this restroom has become
a sordid confessional booth
a place of refuge, safe for some
to air their inner truth
Co-workers cluster, confiding things
they wouldn't want the boss to know
nasty hangovers, weekend flings
soap-opera worthy woes
Some speak carefully, checking stalls
noting unfamiliar shoes
while others quickly unleash it all
like they have nothing to lose
“That ratfink took credit for all my work
but I'm gonna wait and be patient-
'cause I've got a plan to fix that jerk
next week while he's out on vacation!”
Young woman details a wicked trap
to catch her mortal foe...
while on the door, the impatient raps
of another who's “got to go”
Next there is an angry mother
scolding her wayward son
something or other (he did to his brother)
the fussing has just begun
“Listen Mister, I've had about all
I can take from you today
Oh, now you're sorry, no- don't you bawl!
I wasn't born yesterday!”
Then tripping in, catty office girls
meowling with purrs and sighs
pretend to freshen their faces and curls
while sniping and scratching out eyes
“...Lovely green sweater you're wearing, my dear-
wherever did you buy it?”
She means it looks quite awful on you
“Here, this smells good, you should try it!”
“Gangway girls- I'm comin' through!”
woman bellows, bursting through door
the others pause, and then continue
nonchalantly as before
Eventually they all trickle out
and two teenage girls traipse in
whispering about poor What's-Her-Face
and all the trouble she's in
“She's only twelve, and such a shame
tried to kill herself last week
they said she's crazy, that she's to blame
a loser, misfit, freak...”
“So they had her institutionalized
and she sits, spaced out, and stares
while they tell her the abuse was 'made-up lies'
and she knows that no one cares”
Sooner or later, there's silence
as the restroom door swings closed
then after a flush, a wash, a rinse
I get myself composed
Finally, I'm all alone here
in this magical, comforting place
voicing my own insecurities, fears
to my mirror-image face
I never talk to strangers anyways.
Stop me if you've heard this one.
I feel as though we've met before.
Perhaps I am mistaken
but it's just that I remind you
of someone you used to care about
But that was long ago.
Do you think I'd fall for that?
I wasn't born yesterday!
Besides I never talk to strangers anyways.
I ain't a bad guy when you get to know me,
I just thought, "there ain't no harm",
and you look like someone who likes a good time.
Hey! Try minding your own business
Bud. Who asked you to annoy me
with your sad repartee?
Besides I never talk to strangers anyways.
Your life's a dime store novel.
This town is full of guys like you.
And you're looking for someone
to take the place of her,
and you're bitter cause she left you.
That's why you're drinking in this bar
where only suckers fall in love
with perfect strangers.
It always takes one to know one.
Maybe we're just wiser now.
and been around the block so many times
that we don't even notice
that we all begin as strangers.
Besides I never talk to strangers anyways.
Give yourself
A round of applause.
You did pull one over on me
And laughed at my expense.
Well-done, grasshopper.
Well-played, but you revealed
The tricks of your trade in the process.
The jig is up, Mr. Swindler;
Now I get to laugh at you
Reuse them again to snow me.
You regurgitate the same old methods
To hoodwink and entrap me.
Haven't you no shame?
You're as transparent as cellophane;
so predictable I enjoy mocking you.
You bit me once and broke my skin,
But now I see you've got no teeth!
Born yesterday, my eyes
Are wide open today!
There's no magic in your sleight of hand.
I've got your number, and you're out of tricks.
You've tried your level best
To inscribe "fool" on my forehead,
But have you checked yours
In the mirror lately?
*work of fiction*
Date posted: 07/28/2021
Educated fools make rules that tell you and I what we should or should not do
Rules needed to continue to burry you under the edification of demons
To resurrect menus of abuse from a time of misuse
Just like Stalin and his socialistic science
A super human I mean ape is behind this
The majority wants to blind us letting us use our own binders
Manufacturing an army of one kinders
They say we are weak so they play finders keepers
Leaving man kind to turn into sheepish weepers
Destined to be believers
Enlightenment is no longer enticing us
Instead we just role the dice and cuss
Cause we are man made erected in a cave
Just born yesterday
An ancestral clock ticking no body feels the licking they are getting from there master
No more disaster no more devastation the majority stands on the sidelines awaiting
Blackened lips shoot out spit and all ears perk up to hear
Clear illumination shown in high definition
Wasting a generation still not raping but taking yes taking the tasty suckle youth
Not asking to write this new dictionary of hope
Im not a dignitary but I hold up my post
Not to boast shout outs closed
Putting on my cloak of quotes for awhile
If we off then we off lets go off in style
Tony Blair, Tony Blair, where have you been?
You’ve not been coming to London to visit the Queen
But you had seemed so close, meeting weekly when you were PM
You with your cheesy fake smile, waiting around
For her to put on the right crown
I wonder all those times you met if she bothered or care or know
Just what kind of bloke you always were
Despite Alistair Campbell’s keep clean ‘Teflon Tony’ plan
The Queen clearly wasn’t born yesterday
Or was she happy just to ride the wave of someone else’s ‘popularity rate’
Remember the New Year at the O2, Oh! Those heady days....
Sorry Tony, no more invites, now it all about Wills n’ Kate.....(and boy is that working well!!)
In popularity stakes you have been right ‘royally’ replaced
And the cause? I think it might now be the sight of your face, still free
One that for far too many, the world over, spoils every day
Did you think ‘Project Tony’ would work?
That you could f*ck us all up, make the world worse
That all we could do in response was curse?
While you rode off into the sunset with a SERIOUSLY richer future than you had before
Although I don’t think ‘Anthony’ that you were ever poor
Thinking yourself immune from prosecution for your actions before
Christ knows you spent enough of our tax payers’ money trying to making sure
And then went straight into a top job working for business, meddling in lands ravaged by war
Seems that’s what you were born for
To appear now and then featured in the press from afar
Making comment, sticking your nose into our country
Which you have made such a mess by favouring business
The rich now richer and the poor having so much less
Nothing was sacred to you, not even the NHS
Remember how it used to be before ‘Tony’s Targets’?
Did you ever envision a time when you would be personified with devils horns
And under threat of citizens arrest by those who think you guilty of war crimes
Although unlike some of the countries in which you now shimmy and slide
We would at least grant you a fair trail
(Please continue to part 2 of 2, thank you)
Come to see my web, says the spider to the fly
Am I lured into his game, no I am not, not I
Come and see my pictures, I keep them by the bed
Oh no I wasn’t born yesterday, I’ll stop here I say instead.
Would you like a big one, I look at him aghast
As he shows me a brandy glass so full it’s absolutely vast
Never walk with a man in the woods, my mum to me did say.
They try to lure you with anything, don’t listen to them anyway.
I took her advice and never sat on a sailors knee
I won’t be lured by anyone, I’m not daft I am not, not me.
My one indulgence I must admit
It has lured me into trouble and quite a bit.
The lure they use now they know, is really killing me
They only have to show me and I cannot leave one be.
Don’t let me see or have a sniff, I’m gone there is no saving me
A sausage roll my downfall will lure me out they know
They hold them out in front of me and then I’m on the go
I’m trapped into anything; just for a sausage roll
My life is now a torment, I always pay the toll
So help me please do not tempt me with this lushes lure
I want to be what my mum wants and to keep my self all pure.
Fears that the
escalator to get
down to the
parking lot
stifling you..
The
Pile does not end.
Cars together as people
do not let you go
pass between.
This madness.
Clutch with madness on your mop.
Underground garage
A book of poems
Born yesterday
Crushed
Claw.
Instead of hands
Cold metal
Prosthesis
Still silent.
I'm bleeding on the way
not sold
not enough
Gorgeous
Not enough
Poet
Are you afraid?
are you afraid?
are you afraid?
not to be
shown
as a
Po-et