Best Very Weird Poems
I was once really new to our Poetry Soup,
and I knew I should try to join in with the group;
post my poems on-site to be read by a few,
and then give it a whirl, join a contest or two.
Soon a couple of them were a win, a good score;
was on top of the world, so I entered one more.
But to my big surprise when that contest was done,
my sad eyes saw in fact that my write had not won.
I clicked on 'Contest Entries' and saw it was there.
But, behold, a strange sign near that one, I declare!
A N/A- what was that? Very weird, was this right?
Could not find what it meant anywhere on the site.
So I looked up N/A on the Internet, but
what I found was not good, left me still in a rut.
This N/A symbolized a long list, now for me,
my head spun to fit in which of these it could be??
N/A…Not Applicable………Did I not follow rules?
N/A…Not Available………Did my entry get lost?
N/A…No Answer………Did they try to call me?
N/A…Not Authorized………Did I need an okay?
N/A…No Action………Did I fail to take steps?
N/A…Negative Approach………Did I say something wrong?
N/A…Not Analyzed………Should my write be explained?
N/A…No Acknowledgement………Did I fail to respond?
N/A…No Account………Did PS lose my file?
I Soup-Mailed contest judge and her answer therein,
“Well you see, the N/A means your piece did not win!"
Now I still do not know what N/A represents
When my poems don't win in Soup contest events!
December 22, 2014
~1st Place~
Contest: All Yours (Jun 8)
Brian Strand
Judged: 06/09/2021
~1st Place~
Contest: Quirky Things That Confuse and Confound Me
Sponsor: Caren Krutsinger
Judged: 07/14/2018
~1st Place~
Contest: New or Old 4
Sponsor: Eve Roper
Judged: 08/05/2016
~1st Place~
Contest: The Contest
Sponsor: Jerry T. Curtis
Judged: 01/10/2015
Anapestic Tetrameter (5 verses of 12-syllables lines)
Anapestic Dimeter (N/A Section - Questions Only)
Inspired by Joseph Mays limerick contest.
(not for contest )
-----------------------------------------------
A mischievous chef known as McMurray
For a joke put Epsom salts in the curry
The toilet door he did lock
The customers were in shock
He left by the back door in a great hurry.
An astronomer by the name of Pete
Was perving at the lady cross the street
Full moon he did spy
But not in the sky
He got caught and went as white as a sheet.
There was a dodgy plumber called John Blake
No plumbing skills was a bit of a fake
The wrong nut he undone
Panicked went on the run
Now downstairs of the house has its own lake.
A randy teacher called Fred O'Hare
With a young girl he had an affair
But she told her dad
Who went hopping mad
Now Fred is getting medical care .
There was a very weird poet from Bude
Loved to sit out writing verse in the nude
A wasp stung his manhood
Screamed out as you would
Doc said that's what you get for being rude .
There is once a dark-colored stone buried in the sands that was discovered by a young, small girl playing and digging not too far from the shore. And being so ecstatic of her discovery, she showed the stone to her parents and said that the stone is worth a million. Her parents smiled, looking at the stone so old and dirty.
The next day, the girl showed the stone to her friends and laughed at it. Her friends said that the stone looks very weird. The girl was sad and told her friends that she needs to wash the stone to make it clean and bright. And so she left.
One night, a fairy appeared to the young girl near the shore while the girl was looking at the stars, sitting on the wet sands. The fairy asked, "Where is your precious stone that you are so proud of?"
The girl was stunned for seeing such a beautiful fairy. Her silence was broken and replied, "I threw it away because my friends laughed at it. They hate it."
The fairy said, "I am the stone that you were keeping with you all the while since you've found it. And I'm so happy for getting me out of the deep sands where I stayed for a long time."
"Really?!" the girl responded aghast looking at the fairy.
"Do you see all the stars tonight?... not all of them are bright, but smaller and hidden stars will shine one night. No matter how dim or small they are, they can be worth more than a star."
There's a star inside of you
Close your eyes if you can feel it too?!
(Prosebite)
Phil’s caveman look is very weird
He really should shave off his beard
His mother is right
He looks a strange sight
The Neanderthal look’s to be feared!
Since December Phil’s been hirsute
He needs to give his beard a boot
He’ll cut it off in the sink
But his mum won’t cause a stink
Cos without it he looks real cute!
Poem Posted with Kind permission of Phillip Garcia
To understand the poem please read my comments on Phillip's poem
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/3443_or_t_minus_44_880105
02~26~17
In the saloon Tom, Jenna and Tania were talking about Christmas week
They wanted to spread some cheer for the good folks of Soup Creek
Tom thought Milton would make a good Santa and hoped he'd agree
Their meeting was rudely interrupted with sounds of a noisy melee.
They went outside and Ranger David was looking very bemused
In handcuffs was a scruffy individual who was looking very confused
And had mean beady eyes with long hair and a long unkempt beard
He was shouting obscenities waving his arms and acting very weird.
Just then Sherrif Koplin appeared and asked David what was wrong
David replied "I think he's on drugs or he's been in the sun too long
I was over by Calypso Canyon on patrol, when I came across him
He pulled a gun on me but it jammed, and said his name was Jim"
Sheriff Koplin said "he's scaring the kids we'd best get him inside
Then I'll telegraph Doctor Keller to come and get him certified
I'll put him in the jailhouse for his own safety and for ours too
Maybe he needs a spell in an asylum that's probably long overdue.
The overland stage arrived next morning, Doctor Keller had arrived
It had been a long sleepless night for the Sheriff but he'd survived
Because the unruly prisoner had shouted obscenities all night long
And for a man to behave in that way something was seriously wrong.
Dr Keller had brought an assistant along, who looked like an assassin
The doctor spoke briefly with the Sheriff then to the jail they went in
The docs assistant had a straightjacket and rope; tools of the trade
A crowd had gathered to listen to the racket that was being made.
They came out half an hour later with the patient who was now secure
But in the scuffle had badly soiled himself and stunk of fresh manure
Doctor Keller approached the towns people and he had this to say
"This poor wretched man is quite sick and we'll be taking him away"
The overland stage then arrived in town and all three climbed inside
A journey to Sacramento Asylum was about a five and a half hour ride
The driver shouted and cracked his whip and they were soon on their way
"Good riddance to you " said Sheriff Koplin "don't come back any day.
written on 22nd November 2022
“Students make delicious treat for seniors”
What a sacrifice those students are making
It warms the cockles of this old man's heart
Such a sweet and unselfish undertaking
“Flaming toilet seat causes mass evacuation”
A bunch of patrons soiled their undies
As the saying goes. “Know what burns my ass?”
Applies as you try to extinguish your panties
“Teen pregnancies drop off after twenty-five”
Well, I certainly would hope that's the case
That's a dirty big family in any man's language
For the beds, you'd soon run out of space
“Veterinarians take over as panda mating fails”
Okay, now I've got this strange mental picture
It's definitely X-rated if you ask this old guy
An unprecedented and very weird mixture
“Stiff opposition expected to casket proposal”
It's kind of what you would probably expect
Given the condition of the deceased inside
I mean really, we should show some respect
“Head of African country seeks arms”
Wow! Just a head and a couple of arms
What a weird sight that would turn out to be
Most people would sure be alarmed
“Studies have shown that obesity rubs off”
Well, if that's the case, I'll be rubbing
Every day and night till my skin turns raw
Till I get back my happy old zing!
© Jack Ellison 2013
No matter when no matter how
A day will come and we will meet
When my heart beats and my eyes avow
And my only dream becomes concrete
No matter when, no matter where
I will see you and flourish my soul
When I kill the only root of despair
And takes the optimum hero’s role
No matter when, no matter why
I felt very weird when I saw you
When I kept flirting and never felt shy
Or when I kept telling that your love is true
No matter when, no matter who
I will never forget the first glance
When I was taken by your dew
Or when life gave me another chance
PART I.
I.
each night...
I think about the moment when we'll vanish
on the doormat of an empty house
because I know some day they will come -
the malignant conquistadors and their moon colored hounds
when this century of the sleepless will come to an end
so I'm trying to unravel the missing monologues
while indulging in many contradictions
stranded on remote beaches
seeking the redemption with sand in my hair
like a famished cormorant rambling the landfill
in a very weird mental state
II.
it's becoming clear...
that time has shunned this godforsaken place
and as I'm following the familiar landmarks
following the strange candlelit pathways
I know that your bedroom is in a saltwater heaven
far away from the angry masses
becalming myself in my transient refuge
while you're deploying your crying talent
we went loose from our moorings and you refused the safety buoy
now tide of our sensations is coming up fast
turning us into these crumpled wrecks
left to rust at the shallow bay
III.
these sleeping islands...
are just relics of my hopes, diaries of fading sunlight
after we carved our scriptures on the dormant rocks
creating museums of our own memories
at the very edge of despair
and I think that we'll never be missed
you, me and my companion of delusions
but remember dear, there are no boundaries
be sure that I'd row my soul over the vast seas
to see you standing on the abandoned shoreline
and our handprints will fossilize in the interim
imprinting the fatal visions to rocky soil
OF ROY AND PINCH BANDITS
Claims Roy one day
to have been approached
by an angel of GOD
alleges the said angel
brought him news
news that he would pass to glory
complete with day and time...
Come the day... Roy
arranges meeting with cece..
.. his beloved siz..
Roy unable to confess..to cece..
the truth.. bout his departure
ROY goes to university next..
bids friends goodbye...
Roy goes to a stall
buys daughter five tuna fish cans..
a parting gift from a loving ROY...
Roy boards shuttle..
Roy sits next to lovely..
very lovely ladies....
Roy never one to let a pretty girl
escape untalked... says hello
girl snobs ROY.. Roy knows his end is near
decides to say last prayers..
asks GOD to send someone .. to deliver
the tuna to daughter..and his love regards
ROY is snatched sudden by deep sleep..
waves and waves of it.. ROY surrenders..
zones out.. awoken by a sharp mosquito bite..
..or is it butterfly.. looks everywhere..
lovely girl gives him a weird look..
shuttle conductor gives him a weirder look..
waves and waves of sleep swallow ROY..
Awoken by sharp bites.. many of them....
wakes.. now every ones.. giving sweet Roy..
very weird looks.. Swallowed by waves again..
bites starts... ROY keeps eyes closed.. twitching..
half asleep half awake.. distance laughs
more bites and more bites..twitching..
shuttle has reached.. ROY surprised he..
he still lives.. ROY tries to alight...
legs give way under him..
steadies himself then walks home..
ROY arrived home minus three cans of tuna..
with huge bumps to prove them biting...
after relating to us the story..
every ones burst... with stitches of laugh..
teasing ROY to death..OH... hes just met
the famous pinch bandits... Oh oh oh..
the pinch bandits
pretty girls they are
they way lay celebrities
who are too exhausted to
open their eyes.. pinch them
pinch them and again pinch mm..
and ROY day was finally come..home
Lewis K Nyaga
0239 eastafrican maritime
(Rhyme)
When I was reading Mr. Poe,
I noticed that many of his poems,
Have something more in common,
They're all full of woes and problems!
x x x
The other day I was reading Mr. Edgar Allan Poe,
When I noticed that something was really wrong,
When he wrote his famous "Raven" poem,
His bird repeated himself far too long!
x x x
I was reciting Mr.Poe,
To my class, when I saw that his crow,
Was talking back really slow,
So I told him just to go!
x x x
When I was researching Mr. Allan Poe,
I observed something very weird,
It was that his silly crow,
Was really a very stupid BIRD!!!
Dorian Petersen Potter
aka ladydp2000
copyright@2014
September.30.2014
> Walking into that bar
>
> That nefarious den of
> iniquity and evilness
>
> Twenty drinks too sober
> The scent of bad craziness
>
> Hung in the air
> Like an over ripe mango
> Desperately seeking to have
> sex
> With wild, dressed up bananas
> Running around with the Orange Man
> Down the Street
> The Moon looks out on the mad
> scene
> Sniffs the air
>
> Saying, "Man, this is
> bad craziness"
>
> And runs away to join her
> lover the Sun
>
> In an orgy of drunken
> forgetfulness
> The Planet Mars, not amused
> Chases after the maiden Venus
> Under the cold, calculating
> glances of the Planet Pluto
> The Moon and the Sun
>
> Rent a room in the Hotel
> Venus
>
> Across from the Jupiter All
> Night Diner
> Cosmic **** kickers
>
> Out for a night of Earth
> bashing
> The Earth trembles, shaken
> Moans with passion
> And I awake
>
> Saying, that was bad
> craziness
> Out there on the edge
>
> Between the inner me and the
> outer Zone
> I went on down the road
>
> And met a lady
>
> A outlaw lady on the far side
> Money, power, passion
> Rolled up in a bundle
>
> Electric chemistry
> Fills my head
>
> Zapping my brain
> Into demented muscles
> Paranoid, pulsating images
> Scream out
>
> With mad passion
> And demented noises
> The night turns ugly fast
>
> And very, very weird
>
> Weirdness in the air
> Scent of bad craziness
> The moon
> Is freaked out
>
> The Sun falls asleep in the
> gutter
>
> And I say to myself
>
> I'm just another cosmic Guy
> On the loose, on the edge,
> On the wild side of things
>
> Watching the show,
> Unfold,
> I wonder, is this all
> A drunken bum show?
>
> Who is the star, who is she
>
> The maiden up there in the
> bar
> Black, leather jackets
>
> On stage naked visions of
> nightly lust
> Dancing with an attitude that
> could kill
> An elephant in heat
>
> And the Moon
>
> Continues to dance across the
> evening sky
>
> Satisfied, allows mankind to
> sleep it off
\ Yet another night in the City
> of demented Angels
>
> Finally rest as the sun comes
> up
>
> The masks come back on
>
> And I walk down the road
>
> Putting everything back into
> the box
> Until the next night
>
> Of bad craziness
> Lets the wild beast within
> Escape its leash.
>
> Bad Craziness rising yet
> again
Lucy was my little girl-friend with red hair,
at thirteen love can be so naive and fair...
only kissing on the lips while handling her a small note
that said, " I will wait until you'll be ready to enlope."
When she read it, she seemed puzzled with strangeness,
" Do children in Junior High enlope? I glanced at her and knew
that what she thought was very weird to accept or do,
but she went along with it...and this is what happened next.
Friday morning we were supposed to be in school taking tests,
instead we went for a stroll as Pinocchio did in his fateful day,
and on the way there, we found many who had run away...
they looked at us and yelled," Go back to school, you silly heads! "
So we spent an entire night outside watching moon and stars,
listening to the cricket's melody on a meadow as bright as midday...
not fearing anything or anyone unless a wandering dog would surprise;
we loved it all the way, not caring what our parents woud do or say.
Little girl-friend with red hair was the cause of my childish silliness,
I got grounded since I passed that note knowing what would have cost;
when Lucy grew up she found a smarter boy-friend, I had to bear the loss...
realizing that not refraining from puppy love, I would have deserved less.
Entered in Michael J. Falotico's contest,
" Passing A love Note "
Written by Andrew Crisci
You are so very weird
Your weirdness shines true
There are so very few,
Who are weirder than you.
You see, weirdness is relative
Weirdness is wacky
But the right kind of weirdness
Makes true weirdos happy
If you were not weird
Well that would be weird
Weirder than the fact
That weirdness is feared
Wait what is this, I'm all still and warm like fresh pie
This is sooo weird because for a minute I thought I was about to die
Is this death then, black all around you, can't move a muscle
My conscience tells me to attempt to break free, but it's not worth the hustle
I admit I feel very weird, but however, relaxed and comfortable
We can co-exist, me and my cocoon I call it, are very compatible
Its only been 3 minutes and I've been feeling like I'm on the moon
Now a very powerful ectasy is engulfing me, it'll take over soon
My half human half spirit body is plunging through nothingness
What will happen to me, where am I going, I can't even guess
Now I have no body, hands, nothing, but my vision...
I open my mouth to scream, but no one seems to wanna listen
Its no use, but I still feel good, the ectasy never left
I can now see another larvae and I'm accusing it of theft
Then it goes still, then it's wrapped in a shell
Then something flies and I'm like what the hell
I'm looking in awe until I feel the ground under me give away and I fell
Can I fall, without a body, it doesn't seem right
Now I'm angry, raged, poised and ready for an all out fight
It seems like I'm about to hit the ground, I'm scared for my life
Fear is for the first time piercing me like a large butcher's knife
This is too unbearable, I'm thinking someone please save me
Then a voice in my head booms the words "Break free"
Ice cream late at night;
I sneak upstairs for a bite.
Try as I may,
Daddy knows what I hide.
Light up my newport,
drink a full coffie cup.
Neon rainbows light up the sky;
bad habits fill my life.
My 'boyfriend' is a rocker;
sometimes i borrow his eye liner.
i paint my nails black,
and we agree my song is reverse [girlfriend bad]
My parents are so very weird;
they send out worse mixed signals then a closet *****.
not saying theres anything wrong with that,
i laugh when my mom gets freaked out by the bisexual fact.
I watch movies late at night,
or listen to classic music rights,
and as a fan of the heavy metal band; I yell,
I am Iron Man!!
*Tagged By Royal Trevino*
Baby Boy I Tagg You!