Best Twain Poems
**“Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.” –
American Humorist/Author Mark Twain (real name Samuel Clemens)
Prestigious lawmaking bodies are comprised of solons*
Some find it hard to refrain from comparing them to cons
Few legislators know the ramifications of bills
And the way they’re rushed to passage can give the public chills
We don’t know what’s in bills or how they strip away our rights
And if we ask our lawmakers, they provide few insights
Piles of amendments are thrust hastily in political machines
Objections are made; no one successfully intervenes
“What’s that?” we ask later when we realize what has been done
(In Kennesaw, Georgia, all citizens MUST purchase guns)
Try to blend the conservative and liberal viewpoints
You’ll find the machine sputters with fat spewing from its joints
It’s like taking hunks of pork and grinding them into links
The process is messy and the outcome usually stinks
No matter! We are supposed to smile and just eat it up
Then we wash it all down with a sip from the lager cup
Pork barrel projects like Alaska’s “Bridge to Nowhere” confound
As on nebulous values of bills lawmakers expound
So beware if for common sense in these bills you forage
And remember old Mark Twain’s analogy to sausage
*Solons are members of any legislative or lawmaking body.
This is the tale of a soul reaching out to others,
but receiving a cold shoulder wherever she goes.
Words and phrases
are misconstrued,
meanings attached
which cloud the issues
which she wishes
to address.
A passel
of jaded poets condescending;
who sear and cauterise
synapses
of intellect, and
in the
bud,
it’s
vim.
I
don’t
give
a
rat’s tail anymore.
Copyright © Suzette Richards | Year Posted 2019
REPOSTED 11 July 2021 with white space added between the lines.
POET'S NOTE: The expression with reference to a rat that I use in my shaped poem, could perhaps be related to a phrase ‘don't give a dead rat’ from Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884).
‘The Mouse’s Tale’ (which was my inspiration for this concrete shape) is a shaped poem by Lewis Carroll which appears in his novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Though no formal title for the poem is given in the text, the chapter title refers to ‘A Long Tale’ and the Mouse introduces it by saying, ‘Mine is a long and sad tale!’ As well as the contribution of typography to illustrate the intended pun in this title, artists later made the intention clear as well.
The Wit of Twain
I recollect, Pa always used to say
There is no pay if you don’t stop your play
Maybe figured I'd learned
Knowledge not given but earned
Life is a success if you don’t delay
© 6/20/2015
Mark Twain Quote:*The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Contest Name: Write with the Wit of Twain
Sponsor: Andrea Dietrich
Come lay your breasts…upon my chest…..
………and we’ll reminisce………
About the bliss…of our first kiss……
………as now love is amiss…..
You must confess…when we first kissed….
…..our sweet love was bliss…
As time worn on…your love seemed gone…
……….we had sworn upon……
The lonesome truth….romance aloof…
…..cause our love needs proof…
Lay again breasts…upon my chest…..
…..we’ll make love our quest…..
Make love anew…..in our pursue………
…..it's our love is blue…..
……..so let us renew….
When love seems lost…no need to toss…..
……summarize your loss…..
….. for love’s depth is boss….
Center being…lies love’s seeing…
….the supreme being…..
…..not human being…..
Come lay your breasts…on deep love’s chest…..
……and we’ll know the best…..
…… by deeper love’s quest….
Love’s twain marriage… not human courage….
…..of human courage…..
…..is not a marriage….
Lovers of mind…most intertwined…
…..though depth of a heart….
….is true love’s start...
......Sweetheart!
Mark Twain once said “kindness is a language the deaf can hear
And the blind can see” what a clever analogy, it's why he's so endeared
Loved by the millions
A mind of such brilliance
Thoughts of him make us smile and to our eyes bring a tear
When you are writing a poem
or a book or your name a letter
you must use plenty of flourish
which to me means something
must shine out to be seen
and noticed and remembered
by whomever is reading your creation
Mark Twain said that using
the right word can be compared to
lightning and a lightning bug
He spends one more day in his bed.
To-do-lists run all ‘round his head.
Noon came and then passed,
he’s still on his ass.
A hard day of work, he most dreads!
“If man had created man, he’d be ashamed of his performance.” – Mark Twain
That Shania Twain
Drives me insane
She croons out the songs, “In my Car”…..
My glorified feminist is “SHE”
The ferocious female hunter
She knows when to be feminine
“Man! I Feel like a Woman!” is what gets her prey
Oh, Shania, “I’m Jealous!”
Confident of her sexuality
Yet, “She’s not Just a Pretty Face”
“Don’t be Stupid,” ….You KNOW women rule
Cause, hey BOYS….“I’m Going to Get You GOOD”
Yes, Shania, “You’re Still the ONE”
Who makes me believe
That I CAN control of my life
“From this Moment On”
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Favorite Lines of MINE:
In My Car:
But in my car--I'll be the driver
In my car-I'm in control
In my car--I come alive and
In my car—I am the driver--
Watch me now!
(I’m never as free here in Lebanon as I was in Cyprus…….Driving over a 100 Kilometers per hour…..Window down……..Wind in my hair……..Music blaring………IN CONTROL)
I’m Gonna Getcha Good:
Uh, I Know I sound serious and baby I am
You’re a fine piece of real estate, and I’m gonna get me some land
(FOR ONCE….MEN get treated like objects and NOT women!)
Man! I Feel Like A Woman:
The girls need a break tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance, we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down (OH HOW I LOVE TO DANCE)
The best thing about bein' a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and
Man, I Feel Like a Woman (Sorry guys…There is NO feeling like being a woman IN CONTROL)
She’s Not Just a Pretty Face:
She is your waitress, she is your judge
She is your TEACHER
She is every woman in the world
She’s…not…just a pretty face
She’s..not..just a pretty face
She’s..got..everything it takes
She’s..mother..of the human race
She’s..not..just a pretty face
The two logics of twain
can drive one insane
if one doesn’t learn refrain
from the one marked as Cain
learning refrain, voids the pain
Love marked concept as Cain
also Able precept was very plain
that a soul might learn refrain
that two brothers avoid the pain
Love is life and voids afford pain
The reality is of the twain
balance betwixt your twain
with love now and again
learn in life to avoid pain
no man can serve logics twain…
Selah
LIMERICK
You can have the two kids but not the hound
And I'll need the Caddie to get around
Said she I'll take the house
You good for nothin' louse
By your cock and bull I will not be bound
HAIKU
love that drifts apart
like two diverging rivers
ne'er to flow as one
COUPLET
Their marriage made in heaven was as solid as the Rock of Gibraltar
'Til his boozing and roving eyes caused the whole affair to falter
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 5 in PDs "Divorce Club" Contest - December 2010
In Hannibal Town
Tom Sawyer Conspiracy
Can you say White Wash?
Wildly
Witty
Very
Scary
Some say Mark Twain was wildly witty
But I found one tale very scary
(Tom Sawyer’s travels through the cave scared me as a child)
MARK TWAIN SAYS*
I used to be a quiet guy.
I finally found out why;
I once saw a quote that stunned my brain
that was writ by the great Mark Twain:
"It is better to keep your mouth closed
and let people think you are a fool
than to open it and remove all doubt."
Yes, I know the last few lines don't rhyme.
"It's just too tough to do all the time,"
Tis what great old Mark would have said,
As he put down his old pencil of lead
and started to write
on his new typewriter instead.
* This poem commemorates some of the profound statements of Mark Twain and the fact that he was the first author to use a typewriter on a manuscript sent to a publisher.
The Ancient mutiny of the Twain
In the beginning were both made
To dwell in unison and not to trade
You abode with each other in Eden
And never was anyone a burden.
The Author made one with the soiling sand
Molding him beautifully like he had been caned
So there he laid breathlessly dead
Until the creator’s speech you fed.
And then you arouse, man and woman;
He made you to guard the earth like a foreman
Visiting you day and night
Until the day your lust took you to flight.
Then I recall the commencement of the ancient mutiny of the twain
The flesh against the spirit intertwine
The world; since then the flesh held in bondage
The other kept it from all damage.
The flesh waging a wailing war at the spirit
To eternally take man to hades to seal it
Till the ‘Spinner of life’ sent Love
To the earth He had given man ancient to have.
Love paid the price to set the epithelium free
By then both had been divided like the walls of the red sea
Only death on the shrub could breech the gab
And no one, man could love than the creator’s flab.
Love fought until he shouted ‘it is finished!’
Man since then could never be tarnished
Eden’s emancipation had been regenerated
And humanity had been totally consecrated.
And yet there stood the flesh and the spirit
The impact of man’s fall could not tell it
For since then the ancient mutiny of the twine still persist
And I, am left with the spirit to steadfastly resist.
There's more than just twelve feet of twain
between total happiness and emotional pain
It's unfathomable, for they shall never meet
The distance is similarly much the very same
as is substantial derision 'tween cold and heat
There is much disparity amidst goat and sheep,
although they both have four legs and bleat
Assonant as the depth of a trenched abyss
the golden rays of sun; beams of silver moon
while one is wide awake, the other is asleep
Half a world away is midnight from high noon
The chasm is a wormhole, millenniums deep
It's a contrast amid abundance and emptiness
Never the twain to coincide. There's no egress
Woes of sorrow to the one who tries to compensate
for the lack of love that causes him to drown in hate