Best Thong Poems

My auntie wears 'Bridget Jones' knickers
But last week at tea at the vicars
She’d purloined MY lace thong
It was morally wrong
T’was the cause of very loud snickers

My thong’s wedged between her butt crack
Stuck firmly between front and back
But it’s not a surprise
As it’s not in her...

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There once was a fellow named Chad
With a reputation for being quite bad
Drank all night long
Wearing just a pink thong
Too overweight to be skimpily clad


(eeeewwww!!!)


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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To wear a thong in public...
Not much chance of that...
Unless your the type...
That gets invited back...
For unlike the summer months...
What's there to show...
I myself...put it on the shelf...
As like most you know...
To thong in public...
That's a life time ago...
A little more to hide...
Even in summer...

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We were invited to a party; the theme was tarts and vicars
Though I better get in the part and get some skimpy knickers
Well I can’t go out in my ‘Bridget Jones’ drawers
If I give them a flash I wouldn't get any applause
So it’s off to...

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Hey Girls have you've dated someone
For in his pocket he says he's a gun
He says this or that
It's girth is so fat
It appears his ego is so under won

But I have heard of another Guy
In the shower he's so kinda shy
When the water hits he
He...

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What could be better than sitting in a restaurant together you and me,
And starring into the crystal sky above the deep blue sea?

We ordered up some seafood dinners we didn’t want to order steaks,
And then for an appetizer I got a pair of their crab...

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There once was a Wulfman named John
One of the most talented poets to come along
Limericks were his thing
But his constant carousing
Caused concern, caught cavorting in just a thong


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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My son's been voted the most eligible bachelor but I'm sure it won't be long
Before some young chickie catches his eye and he'll be singing love's sweet song
He's a charmer for sure
With a desire for amour
Much like his daddy, he sometimes parades around in a...

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I'm on my bike every day
Trying to lose some pounds
I giggle like a little girl when
The scale says I'm heading down

The lard is just melting away
I'm a shadow of my former self
Almost lost a whole human being
Since deciding to become an elf

I hear you chuckling...

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Thong Contest

Goliath’s wife couldn’t go on
She felt like she’d married King Kong
Young David got laid
Right after he’d made
A catapult out of her thong

29 December 2018
For: Tania Kitchin’s
Bawdy Limerick Contest...

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Are you all alone on the internet posing nude
Well now there's help
Send 56 dollars to 76 Spock street
and spare your yelp

All of us want you to spend your money
7 special agents will help you find yourself
All agents are creating a happy place for you
Come as...

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so we're stood at the bar my new lover and I
we are getting on ever so well
a drink and a chat, perfect chemistry
when a familiar perfume I smell
my god its his ex looking shifty but smart
in my mind I am seeing Cruella
she asks how we...

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Thong Thing Is Wrong

Thong thing is wrong 
Cellulite women rolled on folds of flesh 
Over waves and seas that crest 
What are those monstrosities  
Whales washed up on beaches

Thin strings not quite bikinis hide nothing 
Obese creatures covered by mounds of pounds
Blot out the...

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My son's been voted the most eligible bachelor so it won't be long
Before some chickie catches him and he'll be singing love's sweet song
He's a charmer for sure
With a desire for amour
Much like his daddy, who sometimes parades around in a thong...

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turn it off
and turn me on
sweetly she spoke
turn me on
control my fuctions
that I might loss myself
from the mire sight of you
turn me on
turn me on!...

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