Best Tax Poems
Cash
Slashed by
Uncle Sam
Hard earned wages
Burned as income tax
Cash gone like blowing wind
Tax is not like sweet vermouth
This is just like pulling hen’s tooth
Tax going up, paycheck going down
Tax man leave us alone—we need a break!
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Won Honorable Mention
Etheree Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Andrea Dietirch
June 20, 2010
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© Joseph S. Spence, Sr., (Epulaeryu Master) 6/11/2010
All Rights Reserved, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Senior Advisor, to Founder of Motivational Strips
Ambassador De Literature
Noble Star of Literature 2018
Living Legend of the 21st Century
Pentasiv B World Friendship Poetry Featured Poet 2019
Tax Time
File by April 15th,
avoid penalty and interest.
Declare all income from:
gainful employment
investments
state refunds
poker winnings
bingo winnings
jury duty
or even if you sell your old jalopy
to your cousin.
But your losses are not fully deductible,
must be reduced or prorated,
spanning future years.
There are limits, you know -
and those limits - well,
tax credits apply to others,
in every case . . .
you've exceeded the limit.
So dig deep . . . and pay up.
Can't follow 1040 instructions?
Need help claiming all those deductions?
Trump knows what you need
Is not chicken feed
But his lawyers skilled in seductions
When tax is due make sure that you pay
Scarface didn't and got put away
For the feds they got wise
Took Capone by surprise
Alcatraz he went for a long stay.
So the moral of this limerick rhyme
Tax dodging is a serious crime
If you love prison life
And you wont miss your wife
Be prepared you'll go down for some time .
Written on 24th December 2018
For tax and finance limerick contest
Sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire.
( male )
I once was a little bit lax,
Failing to pay my income tax.
There is no need to guess,
I then faced the IRS;
Was sent to prison to relax.
Trump says that the best way to spoil it
Is flush tax returns down the toilet*
But the IRS said
You'll be deep in the red
Fish 'em out and make sure you boil it!
* Trump's White House staff report
that Trump had a penchant for
tearing, flushing - and retrieving -
documents from the toilet
He was a man of short stature and a little over weight too
A tax collector always wanting more, sort a like me and you
But on that one day when our Lord Jesus had come to town
He tried making his way if even to just see His pure white gown
But he was too small and over the large crowd he could not see
So in order to be just as tall Zacchaeus decided to climb a tree
And as the Lord came near He looked right up at Zacchaeus' face
Calling him down by name He made clear the work of God's Grace
Jesus said come down Zacchaeus immediately I will eat at your place
Now all the others this they would see and wonder why such the case
But to them Jesus paid no mind and ate with whom many called a thief
As it was always the sinner Jesus would find to all of the others disbelief
For as together they ate it was this simple sinner who came to repent
As the others had to wait in not really knowing what Jesus' Words had meant
Zacchaeus gave away half his money and paid back four times what he stole
For now this simple man could see that all true gold is stored up in the soul
Luke 19:1-10
I am going to write a funny poem
Does God ever say you have to be God?
When are you going to know?
Let me know okay?
Do you know what God does?
He does what you do haha
So watch it
You don't want to do a bad job, do you?
His reputation is at stake
Forget it - you don't care about that
You just care about you
Be careful, will ya?
I am gentle and extra sensitive
What am I?
Not a flower!
What are you?
Why do you tax me?
Don't you know that I'm taxed enough?
Uncle Sam and now you
Lol
Ahh it's that time
Okay I will make you pay haha
There once were some Senators in office
Approving taxes that really cost us
But when an audit was done
The Senators had paid none
These crooks are adding to our losses
As we bring in spring the thing I mainly dread,
Is preparing overbearing taxes for the Feds.
If I had the power to empower anything,
I’d shower that power on a tax decoder ring.
This sure thing ring would sting right at the source,
Of our outmoded tax code that has strode off course.
Have you tried to pry that awry tax code of late?
It’s a crazy maze that takes days to navigate.
There are fleets of sheets that compete for chaos.
I’d say this, there’s more bliss in kissing an a**.
I’ll be damned buying logjams of programs galore,
Plus I weep since that heap’s not so cheap anymore.
There are mountains of accountants wanting your money,
But their inflated stated rates aren’t very funny.
Fed’s have misled and bled the profits from us fools.
It’s time to realign by denying old rules.
We’ll put uncommon common, back in common sense;
Saving dollars, in our jars, instead of just cents.
My decoder will reorder the disordered code,
To a simple flat tax that enacts a fair load.
There are seven levels of bedeviling rates
That ascend from ten percent to thirty eight.
Yet history shows, tax inflows to government
Do come to, since WWII, 18%.
If you earn a thousand or a thousand times that,
You pay the foreseen eighteen, and that will be that.
Then all payers will say they have skin in the game.
As the proportion per fortune will be the same.
The norm filling out the reformed form takes seconds
Just sign on the line that defines dues or refunds.
No loopholes to patrol or breaks for anyone.
It’s an equal sequel to our Constitution.
So to all who fall under rich, medium, and poor,
Will never be favored by favors anymore.
A flat tax will attack the elite’s status quo
Though not a bettor, it better, coz I’m low on dough.
I can't believe what I heard on the automobile radio the other day!
'Tis further proof that nuts are on the loose and the world is in disarray!
European environmentalists, among others, who, mighty weird things espouse,
Are proposing, and I kid you not, a flatulence tax on every farmer's cows!
They claim flatulence by those innocent creatures pollute the air we breathe!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but this I know, it makes me seethe!
Imagine if you will the reams of records that over-burdened farmers must keep,
On each Black Angus, Jersey and Guernsey cow as well as goats and sheep!
Humankind is also prone to this curse, a subject upon which I dare not dwell,
But I really fear that politicians may impose a flatulence tax on us as well!
Lord have mercy! Let's hope and pray that the IRS doesn't get "wind" of this!
You could be jailed for not paying such a tax if they would find that you're remiss!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
When Tax Season Comes
When tax season comes, I relax...
not worried cause I have my facts
along with a friend
that helps to the end...
my financial aide, Turbo Tax!
So simple, it says what to do...
just type numbers in, click review.
No big fees to pay
high-priced C P A...
sends it to the I R S too!
Sandra M. Haight
~3rd Place~
Contest: Tax and Finance Limericks - Old or New
Sponsor: Carolyn Devonshire
Judged: 12/31/2018
The Tax Man Picks My Pocket
By Rick Rucker
The Tax Man regularly picks my pocket,
If I don’t go along with that, I’m on the court docket!
How much more would I have had in Life,
Without Taxes, and their strife?
A quarter of my income taken,
My faith in Mankind shaken,
Now, I hear it will be even more,
Soon, I won’t have to go to the store,
After paying rent, and gas,
On buying food, I’ll have to pass!
Not long after, I’ll be Dead,
When the Tax Man will put a price on my Head!
Then my family will have to, from the Tax Man, ransom,
What’s left of my estate, a figure not too handsome!
An accountant asks for accuracy
Playing figures
Always got his mind tangled
Blurring his eyes
And so bustling the calculator
Making his neck strained and fingers stiff
But the cunning figures
Still manage to escape
From his balance sheet sometimes
Causing him a severe headache
What's more
So surprisingly
Sometimes has to go all the ways
To make fool of the figures
For tax evasion
Making himself
Restless and guilty
For the rest of the day
For the rest of his career life
A devious insurance man named
Max, became a billionaire,
Many moons ago, was only known
As a millionaire,
Now in express mode to become
A trillionaire,
An innocuous looking man knocked
On this billionaire’s
Door, said he was a Tax Officer who
Dealt with non-payment of taxes,
Being a bit of a nerd, the rich man
Immediately collapses,
The taxman asked, do you know
Why I’m here,
No, but it is to do with
My money I fear,
Seems you don’t understand,
Take my advice, stop thinking of
It as your money, it is now ours.
For on your tax returns we have
Spent months days and hours.