Best Silliness Poems
An idiot driver cut in front of me on the freeway
Just because they did not get the big picture
I have to slam on my brakes?
Could I let it slide?
Apparently not.
I threw my hands up like “what the heck?”
She gave me the bird.
I gave her one back.
She gave me two birds.
Who was driving there?
I chased her down the freeway,
We are both honking now, acting six-years-old.
She is driving so fast it is utterly ridiculous.
I can barely keep up with her.
Luckily I am driving my husband’s Mercury.
You can go one hundred in it, and it feels like fifty.
I was horrified when we both turned off at the same ramp.
Slunk back a bit when we again headed the same direction.
Was shocked when her turn signal showed me the parking lot I wanted.
We both ended up in front of the same restaurant, and it was not open yet.
“That was FUN!” she shrieked at me.
“Did you know it was ME?” she asked.
I gave her a big hug. My best friend, Susan, had apparently gotten a new car.
“Of course!” I lied.
An army of mites reside in our lashes
With mouths and tiny claws
Along the road to human evolution
This was surely a major flaw
Astronauts strangely can't burp in space
What useless dribble is that
Felines can have over one hundred kittens
Now that's one pooped out cat
Some atheists put up Christmas trees
An identity crisis for sure
A cow can poop up to four tons a year
That's sure a big batch of manure
A woman once had sixty-nine children
Talk about barefoot and pregnant
With a dirty big bunch of kiddies like that
She could hold her own beauty pageant
Nose prints are used to identify dogs
Imagine if they used those for humans
Especially during the influenza season... yuk!
There'd be snot all over the policeman
The salary of Toto in “The Wizard Of Oz”
Was a hundred twenty dollars a week
That's a hundred and twenty dollars more than me
Since retiring, my new job is sleep
The tallest people in the world are the Dutch
Must duck underneath the windmills
While kissing, most tilt their head to the right
But there's some who rub noses still
Homey eyes of peasant stew
A cozy-colored mossy mew
Stony cottage, snowcheeks bleu
The forest fins for frosted fruits.
The warmest thought speaks crumbly bread
A partridge purr puffs through my head
That grants the grunkest grue a ‘Get!’
To packrat out the paquerettes.
Don’t see the speech I say with sneer
As something to be had with beer
Don’t bucker bricks of buttered bleers
And sift strunk talk through quandarous weirs.
The clothes and shelter of your mouth
Has cleaned my frame as cold as south
For queeks are quay, oh when you quoth
And yokel twirls are yaws of youth.
Clearings clean, as cream is crisp
With cluffs of clementine in risp
The grout of your cuts, freed of lisps
Your watch turns wandering whelks to whisps.
Sweet as sneezes from a lamb
As cozy as a Christmas ham
To jaunt with you with bread and jam
Is all I am, is all I am…
A blanket for the rawest nerve
A babe beyond the laws of earth
A smile sways the swooping surf
And gifts sweet goods of grinning girths.
Your hair? An electric guitar!
With sprinkles of suburban stars
Might smell of smelting lemon bars
Each strand a sacred seminar.
That hark the realms of Everfar!
And halt the helms of Neverare!
That licks the lich that leavens scars!
Screams “Non septimo, sempris quar!”
I believe you’re Good, I mean you’re blessed
With holy elks that guard your breast
Whose rumps remain on royal chests
And watch for wendigos out West.
A soul of Greyhound bus views darkly
Hushed in cornfields crumps so starkly
With windmills waning wicks so barky
Olive Garden oligarchies.
Clearings clean, as cream is crisp
With cluffs of clementine in risp
The grout of your cuts, freed of lisps
Your watch turns wandering whelks to whisps.
Sweet as sneezes from a lamb
As cozy as a Christmas ham
To jaunt and jibe with you with bread and jam,
Is all I am, is all I am.
Looked outside and a
Lavender rhinoceros
Was staring at me
Some call me loopy
That's a compliment to me
Silly people rock
Every time I sneeze
I piddle in me trousers
And poop my knickers
I dress like a bum
Cause I don't care anymore
I'm retired now
Hugging can lead to
Something other than friendship
An enlarged belly
Men shouldn't ever
Go naked in the winter
Stuff just might fall off
What does a Scottie
Wear under his tartan kilt
Small bits of haggis
© Jack Ellison 2013
Seems like I'm stuck in this silliness genre
A goofy kind of genre to be in, oh momma
Can't break the spell
Stuck good, oh well
Maybe I should just start smoking marijuana
© Jack Ellison 2015
Looked outside and a
Lavender rhinoceros
Was staring at me
Some call me loopy
That's a compliment to me
Silly people rock
Every time I sneeze
I piddle in me trousers
And poop my knickers
I dress like a bum
Cause I don't care anymore
I'm retired now
Hugging can lead to
Something other than friendship
An enlarged belly
Men shouldn't ever
Go naked in the winter
Stuff just might fall off
What does a Scotsman
Wear under his tartan kilt
Small bits of haggis
My 'sillyness' hat is atop my head
As I begin this September day
Who knows where this weird mind of mine
Will take me, who's to say
Could go where no man's tread before
To the outer limits of comedy
On second thought, that's probably not it
Sylvester the Cat is my matey
Thuffering succotash! I'm totally lost
Where's my silliness gene
How could I be so simply darn careless
Silliness is a part of my scene
It defines the jester within my soul
Always been my, “raison d'être”
Betcha you didn't know I was multilingual
No telling how far that'll get ya!
Perhaps the U.N. with its many lingoes
Interpreting the countless speeches
Seems my 'silly' gene is alive and well
Returned from the outer reaches
© Jack Ellison 2013
Well...I wanted to do something silly as I did,
In writing a poem for this bid.
It took but a TINY HERCULEAN try,
All the while, I'm asking "Why?"
I thought of writing about the time,
When I didn't even have a dime.
But then I realized how silly it would be,
To write something, only about me.
SO, SITTING and SMELLING the SWEET SEPAL,
I decided not to write about me at all.
Instead, while eating my JUMBO SHRIMP,
I decided it would best to be an OVERGROWN IMP.
Writing about the CARNATION CARRIED by the COURTIER,
Who SANG his SONG SUCCESSFULLY to his SIRE.
Oh, the WORDS that he WOULD WARBLE WISTFULLY,
While the GREAT and GORGEOUS GREETED him GLEEFULLY.
His CANTANKEROUS KING COMMONLY CAROUSED,
Yet, only SONG SOOTHED him when his SHACKLED SEVERITY SEPIA aroused.
Thus, often abed the king would go,
His DARKNESS LIGHTENED by the SONG SANG SO.
And if this silliness be not a poem the rules will fit,
Maybe I should just lay down my pencil...and QUIT !!
Don’t Forsake Me
An interview with a dying tree.
Annie Willow entered my office,
It surprised all of us.
At first glance,
You might think she had no chance.
I inquired to what she would bring,
Something to add, something with zing.
Her wilted leaves and branches,
Just cleared our expansions.
She spoke clear and concise,
I had to think twice.
Years of nurturing and encouraging
My sprouts to grow, is how I learned what I know.
I am great supervisor, A revolutionist,
Working and mentoring I do to subsist.
My credentials speak for me,
Even if I am a dying tree.
Comedy's just a funny way of saying something serious
See what I mean, bet you've become absolutely delirious
Should practice each night
Till you too get it right
Soon be having a blast with a career in silliness
I think the French and Greek have the most beautiful expression for the word "wife" in their languages: Ma Femme (French) and Gynaika Mou (Greek), which when translated to English resonate with a cave man ring…yea….MY WOMAN!!!! MY WOMAN.....Can you hear Tarzan bellowing that Ahaahhhhh...AHA AHHHHAAAA. OOOOHHHHH!!!! I simply ADORE these expressions...I LOVE THESE TWO LANGUAGES!!!! My Woman!!! Possessive…Yea! The only way to be!!!
Ok, you polyglots...(a word with roots in the glorious Greek language..meaning Poly..many...glosa...tongues)...I know that you can also say epouse....and sizigos, but why would you want to be civilized when you can say......MA WOMAN!!!! Rock on, French and Greek....Hmmmmmm...French and Greek men....lovely! ;)
HA HA HA HA!
Yea...told you it was going to be a silly post!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Parlez vous Francais???? Melate Ellenika????? ;)
How can someone draw a blank
Now that's a real poser
How d'ya know if it's new and improved dog food
Eating that stuff's not kosher
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs
Sound quite logical to me
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone
Is it charged with battery
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns
Because they taste so funny
If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
Bet it's better than even money
Why does every toaster have a setting
That will burn the toast to a crisp
Can women put on mascara with their mouth closed
Why do holes in most donuts exist
Here's one I'll bet you've never thought of
Do birdies ever need to pee
If so, perhaps those sprinkles of rain that fall
Aren't really rain between you and me
Why do hot dogs come in packages of eight
While the buns come in packs of ten
Tell me what do they put in for colour of hair
On the drivers licenses of bald men
© Jack Ellison 2014
How about this bit of logic, my friend
If people from Poland are called Poles
What would you call people from Holland?
Methinks you could call them Holes
When taking a picture of a piece of cheese
What word would you ask it to say?
Okay, I'm aware that cheese doesn't talk
Where's your sense of the sillies today?
Do you think infants enjoy their infancy
As much as adults enjoy adultery?
Probably not I would hazard a guess
Adultery can make you go loopy!
“I am” is the shortest sentence there is
Could it be, “I do” is the longest?
Why is the man who invests your money
Called a broker, apropos I guess!
Last night I played a blank tape full blast
The mime next door went berserk
Coz mimes can only hear silent sounds
Bet you never heard this strange quirk!
© Jack Ellison 2015
Yakety Yak. here comes Jack
With his silly nonsense galore
My goal is to cause you to chuckle out loud
Till you fall face first on the floor
People just love to giggle with laughter
Life's so much easier to take
Seeing the happiness on everyone's face
Is reward for the difference it makes
Have taken this challenge upon myself
To satisfy this personal need
To bring joy and happiness to everyone I meet
But with all, can't promise to succeed
Yakety Yak. here comes Jack
With his silly nonsense each day
It does my heart good to see the results
Wearing a tutu in my silliness ballet
© Jack Ellison 2015
seasonal silliness
late winter whimsy
sneaky downpours hit then run ~
season of rainbows
sun and storms play tag
unexpected rain showers ~
frisky thunder storms
clouds play peek-a-boo
drizzles turn to deluges ~
time to plant tulips
wind tickles new leaves
giggles leave dewdrop buttons ~
no more frost freeze tag
raindrops play chopsticks
in rhythmic syncopations ~
equinox mischief
3-6-23