Best Scoop Poems
She once wrote a poem on POOP,
and one on men's parts that would droop!
Some think she is crass,
but this British lass
on humor has got the REAL SCOOP!!!
For Jan's Limerick Contest
February 21, 2015
Stop pulling your mischievous high jinks - currently, the wind of change stinks
Winds of change are not always good - they can be grossly misunderstood
Winds of change are just blowing smoke - spouted by a deluded bloke
Don’t believe a word from Blog bullies and blowhards - they won't change their ways
PS encourages creativity – poets CAN post ten per day
I got fed up of snide little digs about people who write poop poems
I am not stuck for turds - I'm saving my witty words for my next book
Cascading dreams
Over seas and oceans
Rampaging screams
Running over crustaceans
Surging waves unremitting
Hot winds escalating
Blue and clear waters converge
Stirred and bubbled with rage
Under the blue dingy skies
Teardrop of the weak cries
Raindrop falling with surprise
Drizzled hundreds of miles
Thunder and lightning aloft waters
Rumbled and sauntered like crawlers
Sunrise commenced the day with a smile
Sunset ended with a wile
A new sunrise seen in the horizon
A new hope emblazon
Another day to scoop and flourish
A new line of growth to nourish
Danger
Gimme, gimme, gimme
What?
Don’t push me
Get up
Read a book
Try to fight
I will drop you
You fool
The reporter was thrown for a loop,
Her intentions were "Just get the scoop"!
But the scoop was delayed,
Constipation betrayed-
Sadly, stuck in the shoot was the poop!
Dear AD,
Have you heard latest
scoop? Sorry I did not eat my
Soup and thrown for a loop.
Jim Horn
When I write a blog on the Soup
They are rarely read by it's troop
Likes the ones posted today
So many have said there say
If they were mine I'd be so cock a hoop
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-4.php
A parade requires a horde of supporting cast to put on a show:
Platoons of committees plus cops to control the traffic flow.
But an indispensable element of any successful parade,
Is the ever-viligant crew of the poop and scoop brigade!
A parade ain't complete without John Deere and Farmall tractors,
And a legion of politicians and other such obnoxious detractors.
There's the usual haughty equestrians riding prancing steeds,
Followed by the scoop brigade disposing of equine misdeeds!
Members of the marching bands must be careful where they tread,
Being very alert for unforeseen obstacles that may lie ahead.
But with a crack poop and scoop brigade that is really on the ball,
They can march with resolute stride stepping in nothing at all!
A parade must have silly clowns and a queen of something or other,
Colorful floats, fire engines and classic cars trailing one another.
Some even feature giraffes and elephants plodding down the street,
Posing a special challenge to the brigade but they won't concede defeat!
You've got to tip your fedora to those stalwart scoop brigades.
Without their attention to detail and participation in parades,
And dealing with emergencies without the slightest cue,
Many awkward and stinky situations could very well ensue!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
A town in Spain had had enough
With dog poop in the parks.
The owners would be punished
For their pets who left their marks.
So volunteers with eagle eyes
Approached offending walkers,
Without revealing that they worked
As pooper-scooper stalkers.
With friendly chitchat they found out
The puppy’s name and breed;
To ascertain addresses,
Those were all the facts they’d need.
Then when the master walked away,
That poop was scooped and boxed
And mailed right to the owner,
Who was soon to be outfoxed.
The parcels, labeled “lost and found”
Bore an official seal.
Recipients had no idea
Just what they would reveal.
I wish I could have seen the look
On every owner’s face
When he or she discovered
Such a pedigreed disgrace.
So hats off to the Spanish
As these lowlifes they pursue,
Giving every city sullier
A gift of doggie doo!
Okay youse guys, here's the scoop
To honour my friends here on the Soup
To one and all
I've had a ball
You make me feel like jumping through hoops
Rondelet: Scoop of the World
Scoop of the World
It’s not what rich Advertisers say
Scoop of the World
But yacht golf formula one gold
Where scoop-searching Journalists stray
There the Readers cannot say, “Nay!”
Scoop of the World
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
The Scoop On Halloween
You goblins and ghouls,
Who moan and drool,
It's that ghostly
Time of year again.
Witches, take notice
Of this Halloween expert’s advice,
It could help make your
Wicked holiday quite nice
When shaken and
Stirred with dry ice.
Watch out!
Witches brew can stain
Not only your jagged teeth,
But your Wiccan virtue too.
That stake smarts,
When it's stuck deep
In your heart,
So stay clear of
Dracula's friends.
They are all
Possessed!
Isn't it hard to smell with
That garlic clove stuck
Up your nose?
Stay away from that
White fairy dust
Of the white rose too.
Buy the way,
You can't make a dime,
While Frankenstein is in line
Robbing you of all
Your sublime energy.
He's so needy,
He'll drain you dry.
It's too hard
For you to think,
If Dracula is always
Trying to drink your blood.
Stay away from
Him for he stinks,
He's cute, but he's bad
News when he winks.
Make sure your broom doesn't need a
Tune-up before Halloween this year.
Watch out for monsters and goblins
Who might pinch you on your rear.
Show them no fear!
I know you think the Mummy has healed;
But his eyes are always peeled,
Looking for his new rebound girl.
His manhood has been
Cooped up way too long
He’ll give anything a whirl!
Above all, remember to have fun,
Better run along with glee because
It's almost Halloween week!
There is too much hate in the world. Leave it out of the Soup. Here is my flower child
scoop: “Make love not war.”
Eileen Manassian
I'm NOT a flower child, but this quotation from that era is pertinent today. Innuendos
and sarcasm, implications hoping for inferences have no place here. We all need to
heed this advice from Paul.
New International Version (Romans 13:8)
Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another.
One scoop or two?
I've got all flavors for you
Step into my parlor
I'll make all your dreams come true
If chocolate is your desire
I'll give you a double dollop
And if it's more you require
I'll take your taste buds higher
My vanilla will make you scream with delight
I'll give it to you all night
And I just wont stop
You'll be my cherry on the top
My neighbor called out from his stoop
as I walked my dog: What’s the scoop?”
“Nothing new in this town,”
I said as I reached down
with my baggie: “Just some dog poop.”