Best Saucy Poems
When we stirred the pot
Mum pulled out the wooden spoon
Saucy Sally, sits solemnly on said sidewalk,
Stifling sniffles, sees sympathetic staring,
Some snidely shuffling slowly sideways, so
She surreptitiously swallows her sadness.
Studly Sam, strolling six shaggy sheepdogs,
Soon seizes on saucy Sally’s situation, and
Saunters steadily, still standing; swiftly,
Suggests she stifle her sniveling sadness.
Suddenly, she’s sharing six shaggy sheepdogs,
Silently, Sam says, sweet saucy Sally stay.
Written August 18, 2022
FIRST PLACE WINNER
Submitted to "Alliteration - Old or New" Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Joseph May
August 30, 2022
I know I do this every time I think of you
I end up with a stiff little pickle and in a flipping mess
Now I know you think it’s saucy and like to have a laugh
But I’m the one with spicy piccalilli all over my flaming lap
I relish the challenge in being a pickle in a tight squeeze
For this little pickle marinades himself in honey from a bee
You may think that a pickle and honey wouldn’t go together
But I can rest assure you they are actually the spice of life
A condiment together, and though you chutney sometimes
I always relish dipping my little pickle in your honey pot
Can’t wait to savoury spread your legs and syrup my pickle in
For honey you are the sweetest dessert that there’s ever been.
ps: If you ever need to find me I’ll be in the supermarket isle - savouries and sauces.
Sweet and sour sauce
Drizzled on your dreams
Adds a spicy tang to
Imaginary ice creams!
Pat the Nonagenarian
No one would guess Pat was over ninety
She'd had pins and tucks, is trim and lively
With implanted bust
Inflated buttocks
She drives men crazy, undeniably.
That is till they get her into the sack
Pat can't raise a smile as her face would crack
Her buttocks and bust
Pop when they are touched
Sadly for Pat no man ever comes back.
26th May 2021
We were learning to play bridge, and it was okay I guess.
I always outbid everyone at the table including sister Tess.
Mom and Dad took one each of us, “you get that twin.”
We always took them down, rarely would we win.
One day when the rest of them were away from the table
Sassy joker jumped into my lap and said “I shall call you Mable”.
The glint in his eye said “Let’s be a couple, you little minx!”
I was so shocked, I threw him under the couch cushion, pink.
Where is the joker? Asked Mom as she put the cards away.
I professed not to know, but picked him up the very next day.
Let me sleep under your pillow tonight, the saucy joker said.
I was horrified, but thrilled too, as I took him to my bed.
Colours are mixed
Seasons are fixed!
Essence of beauty - Such joint; a necessity!
The phlegm signifies our stench,
On whose bulging shoulders shall they bear?
Phlegm taken out of joy; crumbs out!
The road is just two-friendly,
For the pauper knows the colours of the night-rain
Both sides of the story, clumsily kills giants!
The stench of the pauper run-un much much!
Both the kèlèbè and the colours; form a beauty!
Is it beauty for the saucy pauper?
If our àlejòs see this, shall they run?
Or for the colours shall they crave for?
Then, let's dance to the shameful dance of gesutures
then.
Visitors abode further not, on our salient island.
Whose fault?
Eejó taani?
Saucy or her children; the colours?
Blood shall wipe out our foil and fault!
Let's hope for the shining star-
Let's work for the blest not,
Blest be cursed.
Bless be great!
Introducing my roommate Leong to my Saturday morning cartoon binge habit proved to be one of my BEST ideas EVER. She’s a very animated watcher, frequently laughing, gasping in horror and, in the end, delighted by these silly shows.
It’s almost a case for convergent evolution, how two creatures, from opposite ends of culture and the world can be so similar.
I find myself watching her, for her reaction, as much as the shows themselves - I’ve seen them before but I rediscover them vicariously and emotionally through her. We can spend hours dissecting character arcs and plot twists - we’ve found a small, stress-free heaven.
It’s 10:40am Sunday morning and Leong is dipping celery in barbecue sauce for breakfast again. “THAT’s just gross,” I deem, holding my hand up to block my view of this travesty.
“You should TALK,” she says, “Flexatarian!”
I gasped, like a slapped Chris Rock in the face of this naked aggression. “Why am I a flexatarian! I demand, my mind reeling for context, “because I ordered the potato burrito at taco bell?” I look around for some sort of rescue or validation, but we’re alone.
“That’s so FAUX,” I say, in an injured voice, shaking my head sadly. “I’m by the book carnivore,” I say, holding my fingers in a three-fingered girl scout pledge.
“And you have to live with that trauma,” Leong says, scooping an extra large dollop of sauce with her celery as I make gagging and heaving sounds.
.
slang
Flexatarian - someone who’s only a vegetarian when it’s convenient or showy.
faux - untrue
*Convergent evolution: how life evolves in certain predictable ways because they work the best. For example: how flying has evolved independently at least four times on earth: in birds, bats, insects, and pterosaurs. Ultimately, this theory predicts that we will meet other “humans” if we ever get out and explore the universe - those Star Trek green, human aliens may actually be real somewhere.
*I have a no “show off” rule which this may violate..
Nell’s Bells
Bren's often to be found around at Nell’s
Who's bosoms dangle down like big church bells
To peals of delight
They go on all night
Whilst their neighbours cannot sleep for Nell's Yells.
23rd May 2021
The Halloween queen puts cement in tarts
A crafty way to bond with a man’s heart
One tart is enough to stiffen one’s bits
Witches have such extraordinary gifts.
This witch is not of the usual sort
Casting of spells is not par for the course
She’s a thriller, cement is her filler
The tarts she makes are her for sure killer.
Some men can’t resist the charms of a witch
Dressed up to the nines, quite an exhibit
With the skill of seduction, they mesmerise
Promising their suitors the time of their lives.
With tarts appealing, simply delicious
The men are won over and lubricious.
Taking all that’s on offer, however
A moment’s pleasure, they’re gone forever.
Halloween - 2021
Springtime’s saucy sweet;
makes me want egg rolls,
fried rice with veggies,
curlicue sprouts;
with fried shrimp for dipp’in.
Of course, with smiling fortune cookie!
tactic theories tamed
by moaning brain
callous crescendoes' bait
airy acumen craved
felon feasts fostered
hoity twin triggered
rusty rules reeled
raging rumple reek
punctured politics' spree
dark dances dribbled
saucy syllables scribbled
did curves cripple
lanky lust birthed
vying veil's verge.
'20:03:21:11:01
Note: Dedicated to Plato.
Could one of you clowns
Be so kind…Get me some hot
sauce for my hash browns
/center>
tactic theories tamed
by moaning brain
callous crescendoes' bait
airy acumen craved
felon feasts fostered
hoity twin triggered
rusty rules reeled
raging rumple reek
punctured politics' spree
dark dances dribbled
saucy syllables scribbled
did curves cripple
lanky lust birthed
vying veil's verge.
'20:03:21:11:01
Note: Dedicated to Plato.
Aristotle, doth he opine,
That parrots grow saucy with wine.
I can't help but think
He drove it to drink,
The source of its moral decline.