Best Reports Poems


Premium Member Gertie Reports Glory of Lazy Eye

Here he comes now the dance hall girls said.
When he comes to town, someone ends up dead.
We call him Lazy Eye, but he is a Jeckle and Hyde.
Some ran into the saloon to cower inside.

He walked with a strut that made the girls swoon.
He came in wearing a hat that glowed in the moon.
He ordered a whiskey and showed off his enormous gun.
He looks pretty willing and ready for fun!

This was said by Easy Go Gertie. She was quite the looker.
She was pretty innocent too for a three-dollar-hooker.
She took Lazy-Eye upstairs for a little bedtime romp.
We heard the bed jump, hop, swivel and stomp.

The rest of us lined up to hear the rest of the story.
Gertie came down the stairs and raved about his glory.
Now when Lazy-Eye comes to town at night
We all line up, and there is a girly brawl fight.

An Alien Reports Human Contact

An Alien Reports Human Contact

By Elton Camp

A UFO pilot informs his superiors

The planet with bipedal life forms teems
Their lives depend on an object, it seems

Which, in their possession, they keep
Except at the times when they sleep

As soon as they begin to rove around
It will emit a strange electronic sound

To their ear opening they will press
In speech sounds began to address

Although it might seem rather odd
It may be how they worship their god

They talk a bit and then there’s a break
Perhaps from their god instructions take

A signal, the life forms needn’t wait
But communication can also initiate

They enter numbers and press Send
Once more, their worship may begin

A planet with intelligence so low
Is no place that our race should go

To come here, no profit can bring
From them we can’t learn a thing
© Elton Camp  Create an image from this poem.

An Alien Reports Human Contact

An Alien Reports Human Contact

A UFO pilot makes a report to his superiors about Earth.

By Elton Camp


The planet with bipedal life forms teems.
Their lives depend on an object, it seems.
It, in their possession, they always keep
Except not at the times when they sleep.

As soon as they begin to rove around,
It will emit a strange electronic sound.
To their ear opening they will it press.
And in speech sounds began to address.

Although it might seem rather odd,
It may be how they worship their god.
They talk a bit and then there’s a break.
Perhaps from their god instructions take.

A signal the life forms need not wait,
But communication can also initiate.
They enter numbers and press Send.
Once more, their worship may begin.

A planet with intelligence so low
Is no place that our race should go.
To come here, no profit can bring.
From them we can’t learn a thing.
© Elton Camp  Create an image from this poem.


Kelp Seaworthy Reports

Pro-Chore Wrestling Series and Extrudeur Pro Products
have hammered out a deal to
have the Pro-Chore Champion
go on tour with there company while they
conveince american homesteaders
to unionize and buy there Products.
They have partnered using Pro wrestling
to speak to the masses about the new
 cotton powered batteries and wind turbine
that will revolutionize the world.
the CEO wishes to get Homesteader
to allow corpartions
to build mini apartment buildings on medium sized farms.
buildings with small stores and greenhouses.
they would have brickmaking capiblities and other works
that Produce Product all over the world.
He said if woorst comes to worst.
They will have buildings with infrastructure that will
last well into the next century.
We'll let you Know how it turns out.
Kelp Seaworthy Reports.

Premium Member Farmer Fred Reports

Saw Farmer Fred sitting beneath his oak tree
He was all smiles and had a face filled with glee
Now this is what he reports to me

Last week I thought myself to be in dire straits
Then Uncle Sam came through with a check
Now my chicken coop is once again fully stocked
My friend it’s like money for nothing and chicks for free

Premium Member News Reports

News reports of war                                                                                                                                 transmitting from my TV…                                                                                                                                         I look to the sky                                                                                                                                                         and think prayers but only see                                                                                                                         darkness and no stars shining
© Jim Healey  Create an image from this poem.


Kelp Seaworthy Reports

Due to the Contractual Dispute
We cannot show the happens
In agreement with the nine
Companies involved.
It happen one night in Brazil 
Allianz Parque.
The Pro World Championship titlist
( The $$@$$$ world champion)
                   Verses
The South Asia Pro Wrestling Leagues
Titlist.
($&$@$$-#$$@$$$ World's Champion

Neither company would put up there
Respective championship
But the agreed to have there champions
Represent smaller companies by
Present champions forfeiting there titles
And crowning both men individual champions.
Sold out crowd with 10 World class mainevents
The event would be filmed and shown in theaters
around the world.Champion takes all, but the
Clause would allow both companies to have whoever
Is current champion to represent there company 
Whether or not he is champion at the time of the bout.
Who ever will or would be champion at the time of
The signing will represent the companies interest
( Both Companies) meaning if a champion is defeated
He his reign does mean he's the companies represent ice.

Three weeks before the match both current champions had
Been  meet with challenges by masked men. In both companies these masked men appeared , on one night
In both Texas and North Carolina six men with same name
appeared and said the same thing, and both men who challenged both champions won.  Defeat and question. Two men with the same name and same apparel would bring an end to what fans wanted to see. Before the mainevents bout
Had begun in Brazil, members of both companies sat across the Areana from one another both masked men wearing there trophied crowns, sat to watch the mainevent.

Premium Member The Reports of Her Passing

even heaven’s stars can be misaligned
the reports of her passing greatly exaggerated
a wrong number and evil intent came together
“How is my friend?”
“She died today.”
“When are the funeral services?”
“There won’t be any services!” CLICK

like playing telephone, passes between the pews,
the news of Lazarus…weeping ensues, towels passed
out…we all could have passed out if this saint
had showed up on Sunday next, praising with all get out

stone’s been kicked away…the one that the evil one laid
the devil lied, using the mouth of a man…oh man

telephone rings and rings and rings, call after call,
throwing us all, for a loop. nevermind the toss and turn
as we thought of our friend at heaven’s gate…the gait

a bit slower than we thought. kiss, kiss, kiss
her face…her halo will have to wait

Reports of a Snail Slime Trail

A consequence of a misspent
youth

Is a flashback to when my
mother beckoned me to her

Calling me by my full name
Christopher not Chris

One could assume one was in
a fair bit of trouble

But on this occasion it was
not the case

What she needed was fresh
eye's to crack the case

Of the curious case of the
mysterious kitchen slime trail 
leaver

Because i as the outdoor city
type knew and was up on 
recognizing and identifying
my animal doo-doo po
because i am full of it

So i got straight to work armed
with my magnifying glass

And instantly identified the
guilty party

You see it could have been
a number of different species
or thing's

But i knew straight away it was
indeed a snail

And how did i know this
you ask

Simple because you can
see almost everything looking 
through that magnifying
glass  

So much so i could see him
lip synching the jedi mind trick

I am not the snail you are
looking for

What you want is escargot
or frog's legs

Kelp Reports

The board of operations
Has taken actions
Against members
Of Faction 5: this leading
To the Board of Directors
To take action against them.
Both sides have sought
Representation from outside
Sources. These actions come
From the Parent Company's
Reenstatment of Quelsey Utmoss
The operation manager of
The United  Independent  Wrestling Council
Who dually serves as Department Operations
President of the World Association of Wrestling
Who are members of the World Wrestling Corporation.
The issue is that upon reveiw of Areana sales
And merchandising, the Independent affiliate
Outsold the parent company, and members of the affiliate company wish to have more representation in operation managment, the President of the company made a descion to have both a operation board and a board of directors, both with oversight by a five member committee, two members of the Rasslin Union who have no voting rights unless
The two are in disagreement  well and the vote was split even two/two while the presiding member was on vacation, he refused to make a descion abroad and heldup the doings until he returned to American soil. This gave the two opposition members to do as they pleased that until the presiding member returned. In a span of seven days they reconized an independent World Champion, signed six big contracts, and held a ceremony asking defunct companies to sell them there used titles, they took twenty titles and used a Trophy Cup to symbolize their Union, and called the Title The Independent World Champion and used language that
Put interest to aspiring members of the company. The signed contracts in the middle of the ring on nation wide television
And one of the announcers said, let the company jerks say this never happened. They were dancing hugging and kissing, and acting like they were pirates taking over a ship.

Premium Member Bipolar Man dies False reports

Sorry no fear from A bipolar inmates sending terrorists threats through political powers instead of sending me threats from Man die Queen pin for a day giving false statements how's that going she's enraged jealous ready to stab again blood was everywhere over and over again bipolar prisoner wisconsin woman's prison repeatedly violent because she is bipolar entanglement with my abusive and his abuse of power jay townsend johnson henry let's say Nicole my attacker catrina bell mckissack challenged by severe obsessive behavior stalking me over my American poetry shame on all of you stop encouraging this violent offender to want to harm me to get out of jail no different than Bin laden seeking early release I'm not afraid of your threats I realize they are from my stalkers my assasins arriving with a gunman to end my life in tampa recruiting Man die behind bars to slander me and God knows how many other people she resents bullying intimidating due to her extreme bipolar violent outbursts according to lake Geneva news Milwaukee sentinel she is easily made jealous foaming at the mouth stabbing five people chanting she was going to kill them while on probation repeat severe violent offenders with A deadly weapon she continued to stab these people with a large butcher knife enraged no wonder she continues harming innocent persons 
Man die needs an insane asylum clearly union grove over and over again giving false reports and she starts all over promoting violence or perhaps wait until she stabs your mother or her own child again hint hint back off I will never ever fear your corruption queen for a day to lie spread rumors and stab innocent persons blood was everywhere shame on you
You are actually encouraging A bipolar violent offender to harm me for your own twisted corruption abuse of power manic organized crime canker worm breaking into my home searching for poetry 
Jesus I certainly will never ever fear these ongoing sheer threats of terror upon me from behind bars poured out into the streets stop terrorists threats you cannot extort my american poetry have a blessed mother day weekend

Premium Member Grey zone reports

I have not looked for a while.? Yet its out there... 
Somewhere.? I must find time..Before it fades
Thats time i mean.' Elusive to catch despite all
 Our wiles.'

Kelp Seaworthy Reports

Due to the Contractual Dispute
We cannot show the happens
In agreement with the nine
Companies involved.
It happen one night in Brazil 
Allianz Parque.
The Pro World Championship titlist
( The $$@$$$ world champion)
                   Verses
The South Asia Pro Wrestling Leagues
Titlist.
($&$@$$-#$$@$$$ World's Champion

Neither company would put up there
Respective championship
But the agreed to have there champions
Represent smaller companies by
Present champions forfeiting there titles
And crowning both men individual champions.
Sold out crowd with 10 World class mainevents
The event would be filmed and shown in theaters
around the world.Champion takes all, but the
Clause would allow both companies to have whoever
Is current champion to represent there company 
Whether or not he is champion at the time of the bout.
Who ever will or would be champion at the time of
The signing will represent the companies interest
( Both Companies) meaning if a champion is defeated
He his reign does mean he's the companies represent ice.

Three weeks before the match both current champions had
Been  meet with challenges by masked men. In both companies these masked men appeared , on one night
In both Texas and North Carolina six men with same name
appeared and said the same thing, and both men who challenged both champions won.  Defeat and question. Two men with the same name and same apparel would bring an end to what fans wanted to see. Before the mainevents bout
Had begun in Brazil, members of both companies sat across the Areana from one another both masked men wearing there trophied crowns, sat to watch the mainevent.

Kelp Seaworthy Reports

Before the mainevent
A fella from Canada 
The All Aisain World's
Champion hoped to
Unify his title against
the German All pro
Champ. Both men
Wrestled 45 mens
To a draw. After the
Bell the referee with
Advice from members
Of the championship
Committee, awarded
The All Asian Champion
The bout, due to the
Referees three count
At the last seconds of
The match.
But in the mainevent both represent Ives were announced
as world champions and gave a world class performance.
47:31 seconds into the bout both masked champions took
exception to being snobbed by the media and fans, and
Interfered in the bout.For ten minutes these men ruined a world class performance. Both lockerrooms cleared, and all of the interfered were escorted from ringside. The doctors found both men were able to
resume, and the match continued. Then at 55:55 of the restated match,
A man in a yellow mask with "they are me" on his tights, and
"I'm invisible on his shirt" came from under the ring. He unseen by the referee, used a chain and knocked out both grapplers. The bout ended in
A double countout!

Kelp Seaworthy Reports

Due to the Contractual Dispute
We cannot show the happens
In agreement with the nine
Companies involved.
It happen one night in Brazil 
Allianz Parque.
The Pro World Championship titlist
( The $$@$$$ world champion)
                   Verses
The South Asia Pro Wrestling Leagues
Titlist.
($&$@$$-#$$@$$$ World's Champion

Neither company would put up there
Respective championship
But the agreed to have there champions
Represent smaller companies by
Present champions forfeiting there titles
And crowning both men individual champions.
Sold out crowd with 10 World class mainevents
The event would be filmed and shown in theaters
around the world.Champion takes all, but the
Clause would allow both companies to have whoever
Is current champion to represent there company 
Whether or not he is champion at the time of the bout.
Who ever will or would be champion at the time of
The signing will represent the companies interest
( Both Companies) meaning if a champion is defeated
He his reign does mean he's the companies represent ice.

Three weeks before the match both current champions had
Been  meet with challenges by masked men. In both companies these masked men appeared , on one night
In both Texas and North Carolina six men with same name
appeared and said the same thing, and both men who challenged both champions won.  Defeat and question. Two men with the same name and same apparel would bring an end to what fans wanted to see. Before the mainevents bout
Had begun in Brazil, members of both companies sat across the Areana from one another both masked men wearing there trophied crowns, sat to watch the mainevent.

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