Best Oops Poems
Ted enjoys a quick roll in the hay...
He’s sleeping with his buxom P A
She confirmed she’s with child
Ted baulked, then got quite riled
I wonder what his wife’s got to say!
5/26/18
Sue dated an old bloke called Darren
He said surgery'd made him barren
But one errant sperm
Escaped from his ‘worm’
Now Sue’s had a baby named Sharon!
05~24~17
WRITTEN BY JAN ALLISON
For his sins he surely will pay
Strong little swimmer went astray
There's tears in his eyes
No nights with the guys
And Susan turned out to be gay!
05~25~17
WRITTEN BY TIM SMITH
Darren went to the doc to get snipped
The doctor was drunk and he slipped
He was seeing double
And that spelled trouble
Poor Darren got his wiener clipped.
05~24~17
WRITTEN BY JAMES ANDERSEN
Darren wasn't really a talker;
He spent all his time in a rocker.
"But don't worry, Dear,"
He'd said without fear,
Knowing that his sperm used a walker.
05~24~17
WRITTEN BY DALE GREGORY COZART
Darren told Jane the same story
She gave birth to a son named Rory
He thinks he's slick
he's really a prick
And deserves his own category!
05~25~17
WRITTEN BY DANIEL TURNER
Sue told Darren she was on the pill
But she managed to get pregnant still
It would have been better
If he "wrote" a french letter
Now they have a baby boy named Bill!
05~25~17
WRITTEN BY JOSEPH MAY
Young Rick peed on a stick.
The result made him feel sick.
His emotions went wild.
How could he be with child.
Impregnated by his own seed.
05~25~17
WRITTEN BY RICHARD LAMOUREUX
So Darren was over the hill
Said Susie'd no need for the pill
One old guy
One old lie
Easily told for the thrill!
05~25~17
WRITTEN BY LIM'RIK FLATS
Jan that's not what I find
I disagree if you don't mind
Over sixty they droop
When I take a look
His number if you would be so kind?
WRITTEN BY JEAN MURRAY
Poor Darren developed a cough
Sue put him to bed in a trough
While discussing his manhood.
Sue said, this is no good
I'd feel safer if you had it off.
WRITTEN BY JONATHAN FRENCH
Oops, It was an Accident
I accidentally let one loose
on a blind date with a guy named Bruce.
We went to the movies on that fateful day
happily carrying our snacks on a tray.
We settled down in our comfy seat
all ready to enjoy this special treat.
Things were proceeding oh so well
with popcorn, hot dogs, banana split with caramel,
when suddenly my stomach began to rumble,
and to my dismay, gurgle and grumble.
In fear, I felt the gases build up
like a once dormant volcano about to erupt.
Then helplessly, I had to just let it loose;
oh my gracious, the stench was profuse!
Mortified I wanted to drop to my knee,
but played possum so none would suspect it was me.
People started shouting such gross obscenities,
and hollering out unmentionable profanities.
One voice declared that something had died;
another indignantly wanted the stinker identified.
Someone suggested the skunk should be drowned;
I wanted to flee, but I dared not turn around.
So quietly I sat unknown in the dark cinema,
as poor Bruce wondered aloud if someone had been given an enema.
My heart boomed forth just like a doom-drum,
I prayed no other foul odor would escape my guilty bum.
But like a clan of skunks, it lingered and stunk,
I was so afraid folks would figure out who’d made that funk.
Thankfully I was saved from public disgrace
as ushers armed with spray cans fogged up that whole place.
Gratefully I sighed, relieved that my crime
had not been traced back to me by show time!
07-09-2018
Contest: I Accidentally Let One Loose
Sponsor: Charles Messina
Placement: 1st
For the contest "Today I accomplished..."
A placing in the contest I wished
Ended up again with N/A
But what went wrong anyway?
I checked the date and looked over long
So I wouldn't get anything wrong
But I posted a wrong poem instead
And that's why "N/A" it said
It's like writing History for Maths test
So I' m glad I didn't place in the contest.
Unplanned pregnancy...I guess it could be called a bit of a cock up!
7th April 2015
A pyromaniac named Jack,
Who hailed from the town of Hackensack,
Decided one day,
with matches he’d play
He’s a mummy now, flat on his back!
Inebriated Bob painted his house bright pink
His poor neighbors raised a hell-of-a stink
Then in October
Finally got sober
Took one look at the house and asked for a drink
For the Tickle Me Pink contest
It's not because of flood or fire,
nothing more than a desire
that's prompting us to tear apart
all that we've established here.
Tired of treadmill tedium
breakfast always at eight am,
walk the dog by nine o'clock,
skim the pool tick tock, tick tock.
Time to find new closets, in which
to re- arrange familiar things,
possessions, we can find in our sleep
Convenience, imprinted on memory
Decisions now on what we must cull
things we thought we'd always keep.
Oops, there goes the baby grand,
the price of shipping way too steep.
We know of roads we've yet to take,
new friendships that we've yet to make.
Unseen rainbows and unformed dreams,
leaving behind established routines.
Beyond - a new horizon rises
Freedom comes from letting go
Detachment happens from cutting strings
Mix up the pieces - start again
For the love of God Evie,
Please give it a rest,
After last night you should know,
That I love you the best.
That Lilith thing I had,
Was ages ago
And no apples got eaten,
As I'm sure you must know.
Because you bit it first,
Then you gave me a bite,
And Then I jumped your bones,
For the rest of the night.
That evil old Snake,
Guess he wasn't so bad,
Though it's his fault we did it,
I feel kinda glad.
'Cause here in the garden,
It's really been swell,
But to be loved by you,
Was worth risking Hell.
So quit weeping old girl,
For your virginity's loss,
We both gotta Figure,
What we'll tell the Boss.
Now another day's dawning,
Please Honey don't cry,
Let me lay here and admire,
The curve of your thigh.
What's been done is done,
Our Sin can't be reversed,
Our prayers and apologies,
All sound rehearsed.
But if we're to be punished,
By our Master above,
I'll face it enraptured,
To have tasted your love.
It was lurking,
that patch of ice,
as slick as glass.
Quite innocently
I stepped outside
and fell on my . . .
ankle.
His client had a leg amputation
Oops! Wrong leg due to miscalculation
His client wanted to sue
But as the attorney knew
No leg to stand on for litigation
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 2 in Carolyn Devonshire's "Lawyer Limerick" Contest - August 2010
(Last line based on the old saying "You Ain't Got A Leg To Stand On")
I’m not sure where an apology comes from
And beyond that
I am certain I have no comprehension for ‘sorry’
I mean that literally
I can’t borrow enough question marks
Truly. . . I dropped the ball between you & me. . . I did
When I tried to go back on something I said
That may have disturbed you
Most certainly
I lazy’d myself to your long ago mouth
‘Cuz what I kissed not long ago
left you without a word
OOPS!!!!
When the man in charge stumbles and falls
Stops all the laughter and happiness stalls
He fumbles and falters as each decision he goofs’
But declare that his weakness is only an OOPS!!!
When those all around him do the same thing
He lashes with his tongue to give them a sting
No pardon or mercy for all of his or her goofs'
He gives them no right to call it an OOPS!!!
He may be important in the position he holds
His merciless styles from a heart that is cold
The shouting and screaming as on them he swoops
But he carries on with his acceptable OOPS!!!
He climbs up the ladder of life’s’ success story
And grabs to himself the fame and the glory
But time will go on till this man with his goofs’
Will no longer be able to blame it on OOPS!!!
Poopoop fart don’t stink
flammable close to lit match
pbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbt, Oops! Too much fiber
By: Eve Roper 6/16/2015
It's not picture perfect but it does paint a picture.
Syllables Per Line: 5 7 5
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poetry_resources/syllable_counter.aspx
Words with (syllables) counted programmatically:
pbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbtpbt (0), <-- Syllables counted programmatically for these words.
There once was a girl named Shelly
Her favorite food was jelly
One day she over indulged
Until her tummy just bulged
She had put too much in her belly