Best Mother Hubbard Poems
I'm near cuckoo
This Monday blue
A day not eas'ly recommended
for making sense
I'm way too tense
And hung-over to comprehend it
My mind's on the bend
my imaginary friends
are threatening to abandon en masse
I was perfectly sane
till they pissed in my brain
negotiations are at an impasse
It pains me to mention
the bone of contention
menacing our peaceful existence
my voices of own creation
went above their station
with mutinous and unfair persistence
Old Mother Hubbard
had sneaked to the cupboard
to steal skeleton bones for her yapper
the skeletons in-wait
welcomed their bait
with little resistance managed to trap her
As to why she'd no clue
their demands were few
and until met they'd keep her as hostage
twixt two skeletons squeezed
the hag was well-pleased
only in dreams she was ever in bondage
The skeletons vacated
on their long-awaited
crusade for their rights to be equal
a sudden scurry in my head
when the voices I have bred
became hushed, which was rather unusual
The spokes-skeleton
passed a colorless wind
voiced their single demand: to remain
"We were made to vanish
to a dark cupboard banished
we demand henceforth to share your domain."
A resounding "No!
You'll stay down below
we're totaling 20, including the yapper
there's hardly space
the din to embrace
and an hour-long queue to the crapper."
"Then the beldam Hubbard
will remain in the cupboard
lore would have it, bare to the bone
the cupboard, that is
not the hag, whose Maltese
diced up raw will be fed to the crone.
We implore you most
kindly engage our host
in negotiations and if necessary plead
we want into his brain
and share your domain
or prepare for a skeleton stampede."
PART 2 TO FOLLOW. THIS MIGHT TAKE A WHILE, AS I'M LOCKED IN HOSTILE NEGOTIATIONS
HEY DIDDLE, why the Cat and the fiddle
And the Cow that jumped over the moon?
Why they're all here in Nursery Rhyme land
At the wedding of the Dish and the Spoon.
The Little Dog is happy,The Cat is playing a tune
And soon the Dish and the Spoon will go hand in hand
Off on their honeymoon.
The guests include OLD KING COLE
And HUMPTY DUMPTY who sat on a wall
Though he's being very careful today-
Doesn't want to spoil things by having a fall.
MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY
Has left her garden behind
And come along with LITTLE BO-PEEP
With all her sheep to mind.
SIMPLE SIMON has come with the Pieman
Because they're preparing the food.
And LITTLE JACK HORNER wont sit in the corner
Thinks it might be rather rude.
JACK SPRAT AND HIS WIFE have come for the feasting .
So has THE OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE,
And OLD MOTHER HUBBARD hopes something left for the cupboard
And her poor dog who's at home with the flu.
WEE WILLIE WINKIE has changed out of his nightshirt
And dressed up in his sunday best,
But he'll have to leave early to check on the children
To make sure that they're all at rest.
LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER wont need to sing for his supper.
GEORGIE PORGIE said he wont make anyone cry.
And JACK AND JILL have brought some lemonade in their bucket
In case some of the guests get dry.
DOCTOR FOSTER returned from Gloucester-
Says he hopes it doesn't rain
But he's brought his umbrella just in case
Doesn't want to get caught out again!
THE CROOKED MAN although he's bent double
Said he's determined to dance,
His partner is BETTY BLUE who lost her shoe
Then happened to find it by chance-
Well these are just some of the wedding guests
Travelled from far and wide
That have come along to celebrate with
The proud groom and his dish of a bride....
So now you know what's going on
With the Cat and the fiddle and the COW that jumped over the moon.
And why the Little Dog laughed to see such fun
All because the Dish fell in love with the SPOON.
For P.D's "Going Haiku Crazy" Contest
How Many?
going to St. Ives
met folks on that smelly bus
more than I could count
Just Sleep Walking?
Wee Willy Winky
caught outside a boy’s window
in a night garment
Got Wool?
naked in the lane
three bags-full of wool sheared off
baa baa black sheep fleeced
She Didn’t Know What to Do!
Kids’ cries from inside -
outside an old woman’s shoe
child welfare people
Clean Your Plate!
Licking their plates clean
Jack Sprat and wife do their part. . .
kids starve in China
The Treacherous Hill
pail of spilled water
Jill’s body sprawled over Jack’s
one big bloody mess
What a Ding Dong
good deed for the day
boy scout Tommy Stout by well. . .
scratches on his arm
Not Even a Bone
old Mother Hubbard
Social Security cut
dog needs a new home
Yellow Georgie
victims of Porgie
confront him in the playground
his true color shows
The Original Blonde
Bo peep loses sheep
birth of a new tradition. . .
blonde jokes being told
The Schemer
some spilled curds and whey
spider near a fallen chair
supping happily
Making the Best. . .
Humpty takes a spill
the whole army can’t fix him
omelets for lunch
Baby Catches On
the church and steeple
and now you show me people?
those are just fingers!
They Say He Couldn’t Keep Her!
gossip in the town
pumpkin shell big as a house. .
where is Peter’s wife?
Bye, Hushed Baby
the sound of wind’s rush
baby’s cries abruptly hushed
broken branch on ground
*I'm choosing this series of haiku for several reasons.
First, it's the only post I made named "Twisted" so it
is an obvious choice. Second, I do have other poems
I consider a bit twisted, but, I simply cannot
remember the titles of some of these really old poems
to look for them. Finally, this series was inspired by
a long ago contest of PD's in which I got the idea
to take nursery rhymes and twist them, and so
I'm reviving this series which can no longer be
viewed by anybody here unless it's in a contest!
Hickory Dickory Dock, the mouse,
Ran up the clock,
But the crooked little man
In his crooked little house,
Who caught this crooked mouse
After Humpty Dumpty's fall,
Could not prevent the coming
Down of baby, cradle and all!
Now old Mother Hubbard,
Checked her bare cupboard
And found Jack and Jill,
Who lived just up the hill,
She wrapped poor Jack’s head
In vinegar and brown paper!
Guy Fawkes scandalous caper,
Was renown, he met the Duke of York,
Who to Fawkes, seemed quite a dork,
For the Duke took all his men up,
Then down, and up and again down,
He did not want to break his crown!
At that moment a Ladybird,
Whose house was on fire and
Her children gone, flew to the house,
That Jack built, and sat on the maidens
Lap all forlorn,
In the early morn,
But the maiden had gone to bed with John
Who still had his trousers on!
Both had a ball, and sang
A song of Sixpence,
But in their defence
They were hiding from Guy Fawkes
And his gunpowder plot,
In bed, thought of it naught!
Suddenly through their bed
Ran three blind mice for their life
And a farmers wife,
Who was cutting their tails with a knife!
Imagine three little kittens,
Who had lost their mittens
But could have no pie,
When they saw the blind mice,
Pie was history, as once,
Twice and thrice,
They caught the blind mice!
Meanwhile Polly had put the kettle on
So that all the mourners for Cock Robin,
Could all have a cup of tea,
It was the fly with his little eye,
Who first saw him die.
However, through all of this,
Little Jack Horner
Who sat in his corner
Heard Tom, Tom the Pipers son,
And though related none
Visited the Queen of hearts,
Who gave them some tarts!
Night time was nigh
And way up in the sky,
Was a twinkling star,
That Jack Sprat spotted from afar,
And so did old King Cole,
But at the same time heard the bell toll,
For poor cock robin,
So he started sobbing,
But soon cheered up when
He saw a fine lady upon a white horse,
Riding to Banbury Cross!
Wee Willie Winkie, asked for a ride
Through the town,
Still in his nightgown!
But when he saw the cow jump
Over the moon,
And the dish,
Run away with the spoon,
He rubbed his eyes and said what a fiddle,
Hey diddle diddle!
I slipped helplessly from womb
To dresser drawer – a cradle
That opened and shut like a tomb
Held my cries
Instead of arms
Closed my eyes
With Red Riding Hood lies.
Embryo of spiritual evolution
Caught between shelves of confusion
Hungry child
With tongue of fire
Born of anguished desire
With Mother Hubbard defiled.
I've often wondered who dealt with
fairy tale complaints. There seems to
be a lot of them among the fairy tale
acquaints.
Here are just a few suggestions I myself
if could, would make and maybe fairy Tale
land would be peaceful for heaven's sake.
Old Mother Hubbard had no bones in
her cupboard and her dog has no bone.
We could offer her Pease pudding and even
if it is nine days old, I am sure the dog would
be happy with the old crone.
Peter Peter Pumpkin eater, put his wife
in a shell, there he kept her very well.
There's no time to plead and pine nor
no time to wheedle, if she would kiss him
quick, he would be gone, and pop would go
that weasel.
Seesaw Margery Daw, Johnny got a new master
johnny only earned a penny a day because he
could work no faster. He should take lessons from
Peter Piper who could pick a peck of pickles and at
it became a master.
There was an old woman who lived in a house
exceedingly small, a man open his mouth and
swallowed woman, house and all. Maybe he should
of had some of the King's Blackbird pie and he could
have filled his tummy instead with a pie full of caw.
mary had
a little lamb
and a little mint jelly
little
boy blue
is choking
old
mother hubbard
died…like i said...she was old
im a little
tea pot
whatever…just make the tea
there was
an old woman
see old mother hubbard…ditto
little
jack horner
in time out…kid is trouble
humpty dumpty sat on a wall
little miss muffet sat on a tuffet
...separate checks
Dieting
sure enough
lost five pounds the first week
no money back
no money back the next 51 either
dr.slim getting rich
cold turkey
the only way to go on a diet
yes says dr. slim
but put it between two slices of bread
and you’re screwed
the world
is full of starving people
so says t.v.
it’s terrible says marge
stuffing down her 4th taco
Lost
last night playing poker
i lost everything
my mortgage my car
and yes you *****
your alimony check too
lost childhood
mother hubbard
boy blue
the entire familiar crew
and adultery doesn’t help the now
Dave Austin
Little Boy Blue,please cover your nose
You sneezed on Miss Muffit and ruined her clothes
You sprayed Mother Hubbard and now she is sick.
You put out the fire on Jack's candlestick.
Your sneeze is the reason why Humpty Dumpty fell
You drenched Yankee Doodle when he came to town.
The Blind Mice are "angry"
The sheep are upset
From now on use tissue so no one gets wet.......
Oh mother Hubbard went to the cub bard to fetch her dog a bone
but in 2008 if he had not ate P.E.T.A would picket her home
that old lady who lived in the shoe
with all the kids knowing not what to do
she put in a paternity suit she should not have bothered
live on Maury " your are not the father"
mary had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow
he followed her to school one day for lunch they had gyros
three little kittens
lost their mittens
and they began to cry
they crept in the store
and stole some more
and now they are warm and dry
i just needed to type something to fu fill my obligation to my self to write
something every day.
FabelFortyFive
FabelFortyFive
CharlaXFabels
This Limmerick
There was an Old Lady she hailed from Nantucket
She carried her fish in a red paisley bucket
She wore her hair up in a honeybun
She thought it made her quite the looking young
The Pelican came with a busted wing
The Old Lady was trying to catch it
She chased and she chased and she chased it
She carried a stick made of glass
She has lippstick it is gloss
She applies it to snakes and scorpions
The glass stick not the lipp gloss
She makes a poor lump of it
The lipp gloss is read like two lips
Tulips is many and varied in hue
She walks in the way of the shrew
She carries her stick to save birds
The bird not the woman in the shoe
That was Old Mother Hubbard
She has tea in her cupboard
The Nantucket not Hubbard
She makes it in gold bullion cubes
The tea not the shoes
Millions of bags are hidden away
Shoe bags not tea bags
she has shoes for her children
Yes Hubbard
In the Cubbard
The teas are all black and some green
The shoes are all pink
Her children are blue
The Lady from Nan not the Shoe lady too
The dog eats better than the yew
A bone from the woman
Hubbard not Joan
There was an old woman from Nantucket
Joan Hubbard was from Shoe Rhode Island
She kept teas in the millions
The Nantucket lady not Hubbard
Nursery rhymes in today’s times....
As seen through my eyes....
Go something like this...
With a brand new twist....
Little Jack Horner sat on a street corner....
Drinking from a paper bag....
And when he returned home from Viet-Nam....
All the government did was give him a Flag....
Old Mother Hubbard....
Went to the cupboard....
To fetch her kids some food..
When she got there....
The cupboards were bare....
So she had to go on Welfare....
Jack and Jill went to the top of a hill....
To fetch themselves some bottled water....
Jack tripped over some tools of Tom Sawyer....
And now Jill is looking for a good lawsuit Lawyer....
Jack Spratt could eat no fat....
His wife could eat no lean....
And now they too will sue....
A company called “ Lean Cuisine “....
Now I could go on...
But with this I will close....
Just thought I would share....
It’s a totally different world out there....
Barren and cold but never sold
waiting for something to fill up
it's yearning need.
Empty but deep needing someone to keep
it warm and tender to it's needs
while it rests on it's knees.
Like old Mother Hubbard, it always stays covered
hollow and bare, just wanting a stare
to keep the solitude at bay
Just wanting to be warm, wanting another storm
to stop the drought of feeling
like this.
humpty dumpty sat on a wall
when he knew his big butt was going to fall
why did he even get up there at all
a round guy on a tiny ledge
so he fell off and crack his head
now humpty dumpty is just scrambled eggs
jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of ,yea right
that boy did;nt follow her just for water that night
i think he cause they had a fight
you know what it sounds like to me
like he was just working on a strategry
another little love story ending up in tradergdy
old mother hubbard went to the cubbard to get her poor dog a bone
now why did she go there knowing her cubbards were bare
and she didnt have any food of her own
instead of wasting time looking on the shelf
she should let the dog go and fend for himself
but my favorite is the three little pigs
now here a story that i can really dig
even though the big bad wolf blew thier house down
those little pigs still stood their ground
kinda like red riding hood did
when that wolf tried to diguise himself
in her grandmothers wig
we tell these story to our kids
just like our parents and their parents did
we add our own words in from time to time
putting a whole new view on nursery rymes
as we lose ourself in the stories we often wonder why
because we know in real life fairy tales are just a lie
She can line a cupboard
Better than Mother Hubbard,
And OH Yes! I say,
She can cook gourmet --
Offers sister kinship,
the salt and savor,
of anyone's friendship.