Best Marital Poems
For those of us who are married
We know how it often goes
Good days, bad ones and some
Common, annoying marital woes
I left a smidgen of toilet paper
Enough on the roll you can see
But then later when it’s my turn
Again, you left nothing for me
The toothpaste is out and rolled into a ball
I say throw it, it’s not worth squeezing it all
I yell to you but you don’t hear my shout
We sure find petty things to argue about
The dirty laundry is now piled high
You think it’s my job, not sure why?
I do remember when you shrunk my vest
And I told you then to just leave the rest
I tell you the rugs need to be vacuumed soon
You say forget it, it’s lunchtime, almost noon
After lunch, you bring your dirty dishes to the sink
And load them in the dishwasher that’s on the brink
We then sit together as we talk and laugh until we cry
And realize our time together is precious as it flies by
We then agree to disagree, we both can be wrong
Because we would be heartbroken if one of us was gone
I love you...
Whatever...
However...
Whenever...
Whichever...
Whereever...
Forever...
Though many have lost the battle, can I go forward in a worthy pursuit?
For those whose pursuit of chastity in marriage grinds to an unhappy halt,
could it not be due in part to being pulled toward illusions of grandeur?
Can I have my cake and eat it too? Can it be beautiful and forbidden too?
Am I listening to the sound of music never designed for winners?
Do I look with glee through glasses neither half full nor half empty?
Am I salivating over portraits created by mirages in the desert?
Are marriages endurable or even survivable?
The continuous grind of interpersonal conflicts;
The verbal, emotional, and physical abuse;
And the devastating effects of ‘an affair’;
The rights of life and liberty;
And the pursuit of happiness too;
true values, deeply rooted in the fiber of my being.
The purchase of certain liberties demands a hefty price.
I then consider the pleasure gained versus a life of pain.
So, I pause to ponder the horrendous cost of broken vows.
But why do I not turn my eyes, and slowly walk away?
Why do I allow such noble dreams to become nightmares?
With two ears, I pursue chastity.
In one ear I hear a voice, saying,
“With just one secluded night of infidelity,
you could be infused with adventure and pleasure”.
That voice, so crystal clear, so pleasing and promising;
It’s the sound of charm and enchantment; a costly voice.
So, I close the other ear that’s projecting a voice of caution and reason.
It says to me, “Please don’t because you would lose a lasting bond of trust”.
Is it just me, or do I see a dying breed of the trusted and the faithful?
Is it just me, or are we growing indifferent to the tried and the true?
I hear the noise of fun and games, but I hear the children crying too.
Is there anybody trying to be reliable, like the rising and setting sun?
04282015PSContest, A Sexy Surreal, Lewis Raynes
A featured poem on PS the week of 080122
Through thick and thin those rules of a vow bent
It pricks within a bond never heaven sent
Numerous signs shown to eyes so love blind
A devious design should have been left behind
Boundaries we both set grossly overstepped
Promises meant to be kept now mostly regrets
Prayed for a family but deviated from folded hands
Heart slayed a tragedy then meditated to understand
Grass looked greener hopped the fence it was scorched
Needed a disclaimer the whole front yard torched
Searchin for a solution that holds no retribution
Never found absolution so separations the conclusion
To break out of bondage make sense out of nonsense
For a sexual offence have to find mental defense
Cant keep giving chances when options are squandered
Life would be advanceless if this i just pondered.
Sha'ntez Jefferson
10/16/12
The Sundress, As A Marital Aid
By Rick Rucker
Before we begin, I am a “little” weird,
In case you have not “heared,”
When my Lover wears her mini sundress,
Her bare skin, I cannot wait to caress,
Her womanly delights, just out of view,
My lust for her, she does renew!
The enticing expanse of her bare back,
The gossamer-thin fabric accents the curves that she does not lack!
When she has it on, and we are walking,
I am nearly incapable of talking,
As any woman will tell you that you ask,
No man can begin to multitask!
I have on my mind just one thing,
An activity that makes me want to sing!
Walking behind her, I can see,
The sensual goddess in front of me,
Of her, I have no favorite part,
All of her does over-speed my Heart!
As I watch her stroll along,
I am reminded of “Pretty Woman,” the song,
She makes me so proud that I could shout,
Then sing, and dance about!
If other men knew what I have waiting,
When she and I get home, it is me they would be hating!
She has found the secret to a happy life,
This woman whom I have asked to be my wife,
She can do such things to me,
My senses so overloaded, that I can hardly see,
We are lucky that what she does cannot be put in a pill,
Our country’s production would come to a standstill!
Half of our population, would die very soon,
The men would take a bunch of the pills, then swoon!
Luckily, I do not have to take that pill,
I have her next to me to thrill,
I give her a red, red Rose,
She gives me cause to curl my toes!
Removing her sundress is an art,
As I do it, exploring each newly-exposed part!
It must not be done it too fast,
I want this ceremony to last!
In fact, in a day, I may remove it from her several times,
As this really “rings my chimes!”
As I told you, I may be strange,
But this part of the day, I would not change!
If your lover wears a sexy sundress,
She is wearing it for you, I would guess,
Tell her you would be happy to help her take it off,
If you are lucky, your clothes she may help You doff!
If your love life is a little staid,
Help her buy a sundress as a marital aid!
The best marriage is a union
Between two people, minds, and souls
They are not halves
They are simply two wholes
Two people joined together as one
Facing life together in Christ
Knowing each battle is already won
Marriage means compromise
It does not mean control
No by one of the spouses
Only God can make the marriage hold
Marriage is a beautiful thing
When the Lord is in the midst
When the two are right for each other
Then it will be pure bliss
Storms arise in every marriage
And in every marriage, the spouses sometimes disagree
But if God is in control
Then the two spouses can declare “I’m free to be me”
When marriage is done according to God’s Word
It is not anything to make one spouse surrender being free
It is quite the opposite; you get the spend your life with the partner you love and you get to live with partner and experience daily glee
A good marriage is always blissful
Even when hard times arise
Because the couple treat each special
Face adversity together
And sometimes, give each other a little surprise.
I
When a spat leaves you blue-faced and chokin'
This advice may keep love's bond unbroken:
Don't go angry to bed,
Listen to what's being said
And not merely to what's being spoken.
II
A man marries then struggles the rest of his life
Trying to keep his home free from all worry and strife.
It won't enter his head
'til long after he's dead,
That he might should have wed a less extravagant wife.
III
A new wife was installed as the queen of her house,
And for a while quite content with no reason to grouse.
T'was a cruel trick of fate
When she found out, too late,
That her mate was a souse and a louse of a spouse.
IV
A husband, fed up with his wife's constant yammer,
Went ballistic and bashed out her brains with a hammer.
At his trial her removal
Won the jury's approval,
And his (suspended) sentence, six months in the slammer.
All things considered,
I saw it coming,
temperature'd risen
I felt such famine.
I watched you passing,
eyes filled with chores,
and hated fasting,
craved for your shores.
My being, swollen,
dreamed of embraces,
your love, delivered,
in secret places.
Humour my cravings
my love deliver,
out of your savings
in lust and fever.
Marital
MARITAL life is just like a game of MARTIAL arts.
Written Dec 12th, 2015
For Silent One's - Anagram one liner six contest
Awarded 3rd place win
A fight with the wife.
Right or wrong, it matters not;
Chalk up one more loss.
6/2/19
PREMIERE CONTEST NO 200,HAIKU(traditional or otherwise)or TANKA(inc cinqku,cinquain or lanterne Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Brian Strand
Once upon a time, a Bedeviled Bachelor,
fell in love with a Sinister Spinster.
It seemed to be a match made in Heaven,
until the day all Hell broke loose.
It started when the Bachelor's Brother,
laid eyes on the Sinister Spinster's Sister.
It occured at Bachelor and Spinster's wedding.
Brother was best man, Sister was maid of honor.
Bachelor and Spinster was completely unaware
that this wasn't the first time the two had met.
On the contrary, they had met years ago;
And totally despised one another.
The irony was, it too was at a wedding.
This time, Brother was best man to Best Friend,
Sister was maid of honor to College Roommate.
The two hooked up after way too many drinks.
Needless to say, the encounter was disastrous.
He passed out while on top of her small frame,
then proceeded to hurl all over the bed
while she was pinned helplessly underneath.
It made a mess of her beautiful gown,
not to mention the damage it did to her hairdo.
The poor girl was trapped like a rat for hours,
because she couldn't pry his 250 lbs. off of her.
When she was finally able to wriggle free,
she commenced to kicking the living daylights out of him.
He came to with this wild Hellcat screaming maniacally,
and pummeling him black and blue. He retaliated.
So, the moment they saw each other again;
after their last unforgettable encounter,
the fight began just like it ended before...full tilt!
Bachelor and Spinster intervened immediately.
Unfortunately, they got caught up in the melee too.
Bachelor pulled Sister off of Brother,
Spinster pulled Brother off of Sister.
Sister kneed Bachelor, Brother decked Spinster!
When it was finally laid to rest...
Spinster blamed Bachelor for Brother,
Bachelor blamed Spinster for Sister.
It ended the relationship and wedding.
Five years later, the Bedeviled Bachelor
was still a practicing Bachelor.
And the Sinister Spinster, well she decided...
Men suck and married her Sister's Girlfriend.
In a word the monster couple was frustrated
still having problems when they communicated
Frankenstein and his new wife not being very verbal
using a lot of mumbling and throat gurgles,
So the newlywed couple went to school to learn the English language
even taking drivers ed to drive a horse drawn carriage
the other students trying hard not to stare at them
and careful not to tease which would've caused a lot of bedlam,
Eventually they both learned to exchange many words
which they felt was a blessing but also a curse
Frankenstein repeating jokes about his parts being from various ditches
his wife rolling her eyes pretending to be in stitches,
One night they got into the same old argument
arguing over the holes in his socks with the bad scent
Frankenstein complaining that his wife was neglecting her mending
while she complained he was always out with Igor money spending,
Finally Frankensteins wife said she had it up to here
saying she had to go which Frankenstein had always feared
with suitcase in her hand she said she was going on a monster retreat
saying and while I'm gone do something about your smelly feet,
Saying she was tired of doing all the castle housework by herself
and airing out all the rooms after his constant farts and belches
desperate Franky dangled a holy sock thinking he was doing no harm
her reply while leaving being, "frankly Frank, I just don't give a darn!"
Frankenstein remembered when they first met there was electricity in the air
alas, he now thought, there are thunderbolts everywhere!
10-21-17
Men from the martial planet Mars, versus
We, women from the virtuous Venus,
Long in covert wordless wars to discuss
Way out, change there’s in focus nor status.
For feigning love aimed just at carnal sex,
Man for long’s sharpened his pyrrhic war axe,
Whilst to get loved the fair sex’s paid tithe-tax,
Both pretend peace whilst battles wane and wax.
Should one believe what an expert sayeth,
Conjugal life courses on a feigned faith,
The two fight until truce comes to catch breath,
But liberation scarce cometh ere death!
Till then prevails there an uneasy truce,
Marital truce leads to conjugal juice.
________________________________________
Sonnets (Tongue-in-cheek) | 01.08.2005, revised July 2023| marriage, sex
Poet’s note: An atypical rhyme scheme using just three rhymes: aaaa/bbbb/cccc/dd
If a bride to be has a ‘hen night’ then why doesn’t the groom have a 'cock night'?
04~19~17
“FAKE” Festering Marital Spite Only Backfired...
More than a bajillion painful eons
after pledging troth
with thee missus,
whom I definitely blindly wed
comprised great ta ra ra boom
de ay ye blood red
boomerang/ domino pizza pie
effect pronouncing lead
din saucy impact inducing
mushrooming reverberations,
she continuously smacks me with dread
naught (Hawaiian punch style)
upside the head
jarring delicate anatomical
soft as freshly baked bread
gray matter, qua delicate
psyche got skull fully outspread
knocking down intelligent quotient
less than porcine Nellie, one smart
pig in poke farmstead,
where unseen hemorrhaging bled
scarring, seething, and suffering
practically indelible contusions
finds me whirling back from Sheepshead
Bay to stone age of Fred
Flintstone, where shmoo zing schwilly
found yours comfortably numb,
and yet kept on truckin as if grateful dead,
asper decades worth oven
po' whetted unleavened bread.
This insufferable afflicted
brow beaten doughless bro
tantamount, viz time
and again forced to eat crow
yes (ma pet) even as prank no
joking even derided by (thanks to Yo
yo ma spouse) innocent looking Elmo
nsync with mouths of scared
bullies vitriol, which did flow
exploding like embers
kindled within me plenti glow
wing with blood lust vengeance
antithesis trademarked ho ho ho
wing of Santa Claus, intending
to crush indomitable of this Joe,
whose spit fired spirit, also
suffered strafed bruised flesh
indistinguishable from indigo
girls or goo goo dolls know
wing no better than dodo
bird than besiege this hobo!