Best Funnyhappy Poems
I awakened about midnight in the middle of the day.
I was crawling swiftly toward you as I slowly raced away.
I hummed a merry melody that truly had no tune
As I ate my cup of coffee and then drank my bowl of prune.
The pot of beans boiled over upon the pristine ceiling
So I tossed out the banana and I ate the wormy peeling.
The cat was barking at me and the happy dog meowed
As I stood out there so lonely in the middle of a crowd.
The sun was shining brightly in a snowy blackened sky,
I was a girl so much in hate I wished I that I could die.
The wilted flowers were nice and fresh just as they ought to be,
The ugly ones you sent me from so far across the sea.
The postman brought the email that I had mailed to you.
He said it had no stamp and so he couldn't let it through.
I long so much to see you and to look in your brown eye
And I cannot wait to hold you and to say a sad goodbye.
If you want to read my letter, please do call me yesterday.
I cannot wait to see you so please take the long hard way.
My daddy said he’s happy to give you my eager hand,
The one that’s always begging for his money, understand.
The guests are now arriving in their wrinkled, tattered rags
And the ushers have been drinking rare champagne from paper bags.
The musicians have their bag pipes out to play a cheerful dirge.
And I'm waiting for my bridegroom from his boudoir to emerge.
The honored guests are seated in the front of the back row
And the flower girl is directing everybody where to go.
The preacher stands beside me as I search the smoke filled room
For a candidate who's better than is my intended groom.
You know I love you more than all the pimples on my face,
As I claim you as my husband in your denim dress of lace.
Oxymoronica Contest by Kristen Bruni 13th p[lace
Okay, my wife said she was sick and tired
Of all the sad poems that I've written
She said I've written way too many
And maybe I should think about quittin'
She said, "Write something happy,
And give us all a smile"
I said, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it"
She said, "Yes you can, you're just in denial"
So, Once upon a time lived a dwarf named Happy
You know, from that Snow White thing
He was the one who always had a smile
And made all the other dwarfs sing
See, there was a reason Happy was happy
Did you notice he only had one tooth?
Yep, he really liked the Nitrous Oxide
Laughing gas junkie, and I've got the proof
I looked at his dental records for the past 20 years
And he's been there every day
See, he liked to snort the happy juice
Until the Dentist finally chased him away
Now Happy is Grumpy's twin brother
And both were as grumpy as can be
Til Happy first visited the Dentist
And they filled his first cavity
Well, now that this poem is over
I hope everyone's happy inside
And if you not, just go see your Dentist
To get a little Nitrous Oxide
The Sundress, As A Marital Aid
By Rick Rucker
Before we begin, I am a “little” weird,
In case you have not “heared,”
When my Lover wears her mini sundress,
Her bare skin, I cannot wait to caress,
Her womanly delights, just out of view,
My lust for her, she does renew!
The enticing expanse of her bare back,
The gossamer-thin fabric accents the curves that she does not lack!
When she has it on, and we are walking,
I am nearly incapable of talking,
As any woman will tell you that you ask,
No man can begin to multitask!
I have on my mind just one thing,
An activity that makes me want to sing!
Walking behind her, I can see,
The sensual goddess in front of me,
Of her, I have no favorite part,
All of her does over-speed my Heart!
As I watch her stroll along,
I am reminded of “Pretty Woman,” the song,
She makes me so proud that I could shout,
Then sing, and dance about!
If other men knew what I have waiting,
When she and I get home, it is me they would be hating!
She has found the secret to a happy life,
This woman whom I have asked to be my wife,
She can do such things to me,
My senses so overloaded, that I can hardly see,
We are lucky that what she does cannot be put in a pill,
Our country’s production would come to a standstill!
Half of our population, would die very soon,
The men would take a bunch of the pills, then swoon!
Luckily, I do not have to take that pill,
I have her next to me to thrill,
I give her a red, red Rose,
She gives me cause to curl my toes!
Removing her sundress is an art,
As I do it, exploring each newly-exposed part!
It must not be done it too fast,
I want this ceremony to last!
In fact, in a day, I may remove it from her several times,
As this really “rings my chimes!”
As I told you, I may be strange,
But this part of the day, I would not change!
If your lover wears a sexy sundress,
She is wearing it for you, I would guess,
Tell her you would be happy to help her take it off,
If you are lucky, your clothes she may help You doff!
If your love life is a little staid,
Help her buy a sundress as a marital aid!
Annya look! Read! Prepare!
What follows now is without compare!
We'll talk of Gods and men and war
Of misery, drunken, sobbing, more
But not just here, not just now
For here is an ode that's not so sour...
Annya is a pretty girl
Annya's very small
Annya makes men's heads all twirl
She captivates them all
She changed a lot and works real hard
Yet still when she's at home
Those happy smiles aren't too far
In person or over phone
She's in Ukraine but not for long
Only wish it were tomorrow
We'll make a toast and sing a song
To drive away her sorrow
Now it's silly this thing to say
But we can hardly ignore
That when she's gone the USA
Feels dark and cold and poor
Inside her lives a happy bird
a cheerful little lark
and when she speaks, a single word
the dark and cold departs
Jay has free time, way too much
To sit down and write this sappy stuff
He'll send it, make A shake her head
"For this I got up out of bed?"
Not happy was Nina Hyena
Lost had her smile - her grin
I search all the day
To find it - she’d say
A very bad way she was in
To lions went Nina Hyena
To tigers she went too
She wanted to know
Where a smile can go
Neither lion or tiger knew
To others went Nina Hyena
She looked for someone wise
Above in a tree
Said a chimpanzee
At the river the answer lies!
Now happy is Nina Hyena
Back has her grin - her smile
Try looking inside
As there it can hide
Suggested a kind crocodile