Best Loan Shark Poems
Apollo Creed was the master in the ring.
Most fighters thought facing him was a foolhardy thing.
To defend his title, who was he to fight?
There were some contenders, but none of them seemed right.
From the ranks of unknowns, Apollo chose a fighter.
Practically nobody knew this Italian-American amateur.
This street smart Philadelphian worked as a meat packer.
For a loan shark, he was an enforcer and collector.
Out of some possibilities, this one looked right.
In front of his hometown crowd, Rocky would be in the spotlight.
Given a shot at the title, Apollo was the one he would fight.
What happens in the fight? Do you want to see?
All I have to tell you is watch the movie.
Inspired by the 1976 film “Rocky”
I don't believe in high heeled shoes
Reality TV or fake news
I don't believe credit card companies
Are anything but legal loan shark sleeze!
I don't believe in being cool
As half as much as I used to
I don't trust the suit and tie
Or that organic food is worth the buy
I don't believe birthday cake
Will add an ounce to my weight
I don't think yellow and blue make green
(It's more teal, in my esteem)
I don't like gift registries
Get your own fancy Keurig coffee!
I don't believe that vitamins
Are better for you than a grin:)
Epidural Who Was a Girl Squirrel
Epidural was the name of a girl squirrel
Who up her tail always likes to curl
Even during periods when in between
You might see her looking real mean.
Some squirrels are actually calmer then others
Even though they may be sisters and brothers
Who on parents have developed a dependency
And they each end up with a similar tendency.
Instead of loan shark become an alone squirrel
Who doesn't like foolish cats who are often feral
Being fastest both are trying to determine
Can they become slowed down by too much vermin?
Each Godforsaken fool went their separate way
Discovering that not only crime but cats don't pay
Living at their own convenience and convention
Never paying any squirrels the slightest attention.
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
Quickly approaching 2,000 poems.
Also, need a category for squirrel.
*Image of Philanthropist by Pixabay.
Shark-Thropists
Loan Shark
treacherous jeopardous
sponging laundering doctoring
endowments championships extortioner shylock
fundraising equilibrating compensating
charitable magnanimous
Philanthropist
2022 August 13
Finkle Rat and Derby Cat
Opened up a specialty shop
Which was running rather smoothly
Till kids teeth began to rot
For what it was they sold were
Candy apples, Sugar Cubes, and Lemon Drops
With Fizzie Soda to make their quota
On the loaner they had got
You see the latest shipment of Fizzies
Came from the loan shark Marco Mole
To save themselves a buck or two
Our naive friends both sold their souls
And Marco doesn't care about
Any kids or their rotten teeth
Cause he also owns a piece of Charlie Cockroach
The dentist down the street
WHEN YOU WANT TO HUNT
Which is worst, being on Board of Directors
Or did become dissectors call building inspectors
And no matter what they may ever do
Up everything seem surely to screw.
Have some humor heard someone say
Don't have pot to piss in or can pay
For how much they wanted for a huge lot
Which would take away all I have got.
Some say a beggar should not be a chooser
And may at times look like a lousy loser
When it is God who you really want
He is right here and don't have to hunt.
Until you had met some smart loan shark
Who will sell you a house in a trailer park
Be careful and examine paper work
Making sure the person was not a jerk.
Some say rules were made to be broken
Are without any money down to last token
My pleasant realtor heard me make a plea
Maybe we should rent a house in RiverSea.
James Thomas Horn
www.poetrysoup.com
You’re a consumer pawn on the cargo chessboard,
being merchandise moved
by the mighty,
free-market bellow powers-that-be:
The Babble Tower titans of industry
And the fawning, vote hopes that you have
is advancing
conveyor belt backwards
The packaged progress that you ballot bought
is expired, retrograde liberty
It’s so commercially uncool
to be a grin shill, shiny used tool —
a patsy E-bay product sold down perdition road
Material serendipity ~ Ignorant bliss gluttony
is the narcotic, marketing mirage
of merchant debt slavery
Arise, to another automated labor dawn,
and get usury pressed on the profit iron board
Let the starch resistance in your lungs
feebly be diminished echo expunged,
on the first and third week of each month
Stop the clock grindstone ... get spend happy
Pass Go and retail sample
all your Mediterranean mall eyes can eat
Strap the credit Boardwalk bank accounts in;
enjoy the lavish buffet discount weekends,
those gorge giddy sinful getaways
Letting your pursed lips coin splurge comfortably
Tomorrow sorrows is yesterday hangover yawns,
courtesy of some loan shark upper-class spawns
giving you more underwater mortgage freedom
Atlantis dream house of plastic bondage
is a back-to-the-future, antiquity straw commodity
Buy another fetter timeshare bronze skin link,
written in New Roman font invisible ink:
An emancipation contract redacted permanently
Then pulse pawn a purchased posterity lot
of pyramid beggarly,
plantation shade retrograde liberty
Lying in bed number 36
I'm here cuz I shot and missed
Took a chance a risky gamble
With my safety and security
I lost and lost big
Loan sharks are after me
Can't decide if it's time to flee
Too late to start over
Too big a chip on my shoulder
Lord I was born a ramblin man
Only women ain't sposed to ramble
Now what I think as I lay in my bed
Next to women that stink of poverty
The loan sharks are after me
Time to pay up or dead I will be
So tired of runnin
Gotta keep runnin
Don't know why I'm runnin
No use really runnin
Havin lunch with the mad hatter
Only hes the loan shark
Can't remember how much I owe
He looks mad like hes ready to blow
Or maybe that's me
I'm the mad hatter
Collecting the debts
That are owed to me
Still lying in bed number 36
Was it worth the risk?
Tryin to be tough
Only made it more rough
I'm runnin runnin runnin
But I ain't goin nowhere
Stuck on an island where
Even the coconuts wont be my friend
Alice is calling, Alice, the white girl
Calls my name, always calling me to
Do the evil deeds she can't do
I'm the mad hatter and I'm mad
Mad that I'm the mad hatter
Mad that Alice keeps calling my name
So mad the loan sharks are after me
The looking glass in front of me
Always looks greener on the other side
Only now the goats have eaten all the grass
Alice wants me to come over
Lying in bed number 36
Maybe I should succumb
I feel so numb
1 step 2 steps 3 steps 4
Guess who just walked through the door?
You’ve met me,
but you just don’t know it yet
The dream house that you want,
I once polar bear hibernated there ...
two winter moons ago
The summer fruit of relaxation
that you’re tasting now,
I planted it
two prior vineyard cycles
I’ve always been double moves ahead,
my checkered past
taught me keen ways
to escape poverty dread
The slum lord pitchfork
tossing that Ebenezer heavy eviction bale,
tried to do the Scrooge pinch
But me knew da Judas outcome of da sell
You’re a patsy-come-lately,
a puppet bought for sure foreswore
Tho’ a couple chiggers too twenty-something slow,
worms like you
got oasis left in the wilderness dust forty years ago
What you wanna see,
I already seen
I’m always two pillow turns ahead
in your dream
What you wanna do,
I’ve already done
Me always be two rabbit hops ahead
of your turtle run
Here’s the six-digit green lumber
you need to cellblock 8 learn
The lockup combination number
to make those tumblers turn
My moves are two steps ahead
Me be a r-Evolving, double smoking barrel —
twice-pulled trigger click hot lead
You’re a patient zero, broken wing sparrow:
double goose egg, game over dead
I’m always two giant steps ahead
Where I’m ultra solar at
is where you really orbital wanna be
Meesa is a quantum grasshopper high five,
and you’re a gravity locust low three
I live in your twin borrowed tomorrow,
two steps above your ire paygrade
Truth trimming lie bacon is how I get paid
Two floors down at prime usury sorrow,
open pawn shop roasting in shade ...
You’re a pet loan shark getting chum made
I’m always thinking two steps ahead,
delivering ancient sayings that was future said
Meesa gon make your puffy jaws red,
two steps backwards is where your hubris bled
Where me be perched,
is where you’re trying to DNA air flow
I’m four wind birthed,
you’re a deuce snake eye on a belly roll
Me two steps ahead,
just so you know
You’re frozen in place,
minus-two below
I’m living at the kiss end of the Snow White story,
and you ain’t even got a singularity event Black Hole clue
Me 9 generation Lives looking thru a supernova rearview,
your Seven Dwarves tardy situation is inert glory
Two slave wage fettered steps ahead,
is how it’s always gonna be
Eating my Thanksgiving meal on your Labor Day,
is so Easter morning worthy
On guard
Weapons drawn
Razor edged dialogue
Cutting deep into the last breath of affection
Words spewing like acid,
staining our masterpiece.
Colors melting into gray
bubbling with the sounds of disaster
"Fu*k You's" crescendo
into the odor of hate
Your Teflon tongue spills explanations
with non stick sincerity
A reservoir of "I'm sorrys"
burst into a flood of tears
You become a one woman waterfall
Your love was financed
Compounding interest
Loan shark terms
With a heart that carried a second mortgage
I'm the victim of foreclosure
Left empty, blindsided ,cold cocked
From your drive by lie
Our love now crippled and maimed
Searching for a handicapped parking place
Marginalized middle finger people
moving upwardly mobile
on a quality-of-life escalator going always down
Mall pallbearers for the palladium pocketeers,
(them who bring forth weekly pocket tears)
Three-piece suit gator claws with Wall Street wolf ears
Kiss-the-ring finger people
trying to climb up the societal brass rung
Getting pyramid food chain hung —
Pink slip of the tongue
will make the money grubbers
perennial bottom feeders
Green thumb people
got phased out when the New Deal got farmed out signed
Sent dumpster diving by the bottom line
Escort pallbearers for the corporate pocketeers,
(them who poverty package job security fears)
Downsize pirana jaws with Vegas loan shark ears
Bent index finger people
are always on the hook for the acquisition debt
Bowing and scraping for the quotas to be met
Rube cubicle teacher’s pet love to fetch,
wag the tail ... lick the boot
Being management sandwiched in the middle
Little finger caste people
are stuck in the human resource revolving door
The homeless room always begging for more
Schoolyard sweat factories in need of a Silicon Valley upgrade
got the crypto-chip chimps to put pension skin in the paper mill game
Middle class is dismissed when the ceremonial cut-ribbon fade
I was born in the black forest of dusty streets
To work the scattering fields of menial means
To a destiny paved with my broken glass of shattered dreams
The dust blinding me to nowhere
I entered the highway of life on a coffin-on-wheels
Punctured, disadvantaged...I walk through life barefoot
Reminded that life is a death sentence on borrowed time
And I only exist by the grace of chance of crooked dice
I watch the youth risk drowning for breadcrumbs
Swimming the loan shark infested shallow stream
Over the bank, poverty is a wicked old man, awaiting
Selling his fake pearls of wisdom like the Candyman
He took off his false teeth
To undress his smile and speak the truth I seek
That I will soon drop the condemned baton I carry
Opposed to an Oblivion
In Brunswick County, there lived a Bolivian
Who was opposed to having another oblivion
When both he and gorgeous wife here came
To find abundant amount of fortune and fame.
Their realtor who happened to be a loan shark
Tempted them with trying to live in a trailer park
And being there were only two mouths to feed
A tortuous trailer would be all that they need.
When like sheep they would creep off to sleep
Into debt, they never, ever had to go deep
And my husband who has been an old fart
Had dream about Wal-Mart and a shopping cart.
Both back wheels of cart had started to bang
In front was a fool with front tooth looking like a fang
Even though with much musical talent was gifted
He went to a smaller store and there shop-lifted.
Found It Hard To Believe
Backs of others Trump liked to stroke
Sold us down river when we went broke
Went down an avenue to play in a park
Supporters were eaten by a loan shark.
With himself hard time trying to grapple
Said people in Phiadelphia who ate scrapple
Were found drowned in a swimming pool
Which was all full of mush loose stool.
Local loser supporters gathered around
To hear New York accent an awful sound
King Kong was seen on Trump Tower
Wanted his picture taken by Matt Lauer.
(Also, we heard that Trump went bonkers;
Tower must be transferred to Younkers.)
Trump liked his food served localized
Fell on floor and server was severely criticized;
Trump as usual really had been bluffing;
Us with turkey crap he started stuffing.
We finally arrived at rear end of story
His blood and guts were in their glory
From superfluous sinful stories he told;
Were so many blamed them on Manifold.
How do you fold up a manifold sin
without being short sheeted? Good
question.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Proverbial Retired Veteran and Poet
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
A man ripped me off, he sold me a retired race horse that had been gelded.
He neglected to tell me that and my wife became so furious that I got belted.
The horse that I bought won every time, he never lost a race.
The seller ripped me off so I used a brick to smash his face.
That SOB was able to jip me out of twenty grand because I'm not very bright.
But that brick made him so ugly that he can't get a date on a Saturday night.
I planned to make a lot of money by using my horse for breeding.
I borrowed the twenty grand from a loan shark and now a hospital is what I'll be needing.
I'm broke, I have no money to pay the loan shark back.
The loan shark has arrived and he's ready to attack.
He's showing me no mercy, he's ignoring me as I beg.
He has broken several of my ribs and both of my legs.
I have some advice and you should really take my word.
If somebody tries to sell you a race horse, give him the bird.