Best Humorless Poems
Eye witness they, O my mother, rag less I am.
You are the price maker but guilty I am;
So much needs, chastity at deal
Shameless crying, robbed body mine
Painless, humorless, oh soulless men!
You all made me nude there
Keep squashing a fun, changing bodies a turn
Fatigue breathes, futile face;
I am the owner of decaying age.
But hairs are, now, no gripped, eyes refusing dipped
Corpse not, oh pimp, enough for sale
May be your sister, I am.
What! if your mother or wife I am.
Address me, your breed oh male!
Categories:
humorless, beauty,
Form:
Italian Sonnet
George Washington an Old Fuddy-Duddy?
By Elton Camp
What image of Washington comes to mind?
In with your money is the one you will find
Right there George is, on the one-dollar bill
And looking humorless, old and extremely ill
No worse portrait could anyone possibly pick
It is showing a man who is aged, ugly and sick
Some fuddy-duddy is just what he appears to be
But that image of him is wrong, as we will see
Most of what we know of him is really incorrect
Now Parson Weem’s lies we’ve come to detect
“George Washington couldn’t possibly tell a lie
No matter if he wanted to, there’s no need to try.”
The parson told us about the chopped cherry tree
That story is just as false as it can possibly be
The Founding Father had traits good and bad
So, exaggeration and lies there’s no need to add
Handsome as a young man as well as quite tall
In a group of men, he towered above them all
In picking a wife, Washington really did excel
Martha was so pretty and also very rich as well
A young army officer, he was ambitious & bold
But not always successful, if the truth be told
Washington lost far more battles than he won
The Fort Necessity surrender surely wasn’t fun
That record didn’t stop his advancement, of course
He became commander of the Revolutionary force
Rather than hole up in a mansion in some big town,
Living with the troops with his wife he was found
After founding a country, he did an amazing thing
By serving as leader, but wouldn’t become a king
After two terms, the presidency George did yield
Return to Mt. Vernon & manage his land and field
Perhaps an amazing fact most folks will now find
Part of his living was from the making of moonshine
How does this fit with all the stuff we’ve been told
About the grim-looking guy inside your billfold?
Another thing about him that gives him greater charm
Washington introduced the mule to the American farm
He was the first president who could be considered green
To him, the advantages of manure as fertilizer was seen
Those Washington stories are enough to make one quiver
Like him throwing a silver dollar across the Potomac River
So no old fuddy-duddy was he or did he ever come to be
It’s that awful dollar bill picture that in our minds we see
Categories:
humorless, historyold, image, old,
Form:
Rhyme
The reunion that caused all of the zany brouhaha
From a family kerfuffle with one humorless raw flaw
It all went down quite swiftly, in a quick split lickety
And ended outside in the hedges most thorn thickety
A tray of food put cattywampus on the table by papa
Slipped and fell in by our taradiddle called mama
She was always a snip uppity and pinch or two persnickety
Especially toward mad uncle Ed who's getting old and rickety
As she landed on her derriere he let out a great guffaw
We chuckled and chortled but soon saw our big faux paw
She hurled everything at us from cups to fence white pickety
We dodged and ran fast as we can it was quite a sticky wickety
Flabbergasted brother Bob signaled to hurry with a caw caw
Grampa ran by gramma and pinched her rump with Ooh la la
She caught us all with a sprightly jump, hop and a skippety
And threw us in that hedge like a wild flibbertigibbety
This tale may be strewn with yickety yak and blah blah blah
But that's how ma and pa caused all that wacky brouhaha
January 28, 2023
Writing challenge B word poetry contest
Sponsor Constance La France
Theme : Brouhaha
Categories:
humorless, family, funny,
Form:
Couplet
LITHIUM EQUILIBRIUM
“All Apologies” to Kurt Cobain
this drug is decidedly an undeserving
song depicting a drug you avoid to obtain
logically-- wisely your ‘sanity’ preserving
People and places—intensely uninteresting
social withdrawal-- avoiding all feelings
bipolar depression is a flat hollow distancing
irritable, paranoid, humorless empty meanings
High is magnificent with shooting stars
certain your influence will captivate others
sensuality persistent –seduction a candy-bar
power, elation, financials lacking structure
Inevitably—ideas, actions swirl out of control
overwhelming confusion replaces reality—sanity
irritable and frightened, approaching another pole
as the madness successfully carves its own reality
Back to Lithium-- rotating on a matching planet
same pace as all the other boredom out there
the basis of rational thought— cold living granite
unable to tap into creativity, trapped but aware
Categories:
humorless, introspection, drug,
Form:
Enclosed Rhyme
To the edge of wonder we’ll blithely roam,
Map an enchanted place of passion born,
In the far reaches of love we’ll find home.
Over gold-dusted peaks we’ll soon have flown,
Each new sun will beckon with each new morn,
To the edge of wonder we’ll blithely roam.
Our minds will ever be by sea breeze blown,
Words we utter by angels’ smiles adorned,
In the far reaches of love we’ll find home.
We’ll dance under skies by shooting stars combed,
Of humorless hues our dreams shall be shorn,
To the edge of wonder we’ll blithely roam.
Grounds we stroll will glimmer with twilight’s chrome,
We’ll banish every cloud that hangs forlorn,
In the far reaches of love we’ll find home.
The gods will bristle at how young we’ve grown,
Yet from this journey we shall not be torn.
To the edge of wonder we’ll blithely roam,
In the far reaches of love we’ll find home.
Categories:
humorless, beauty, dream, fantasy, future,
Form:
Villanelle
Sweltering Monetary Slump
Torrid atmosphere
Spent as a humorless mock
Bare heat funds replete
Sunshine Williams
Categories:
humorless, faith, future,
Form:
Haiku
Scratch Trump Off My List
Trump's home has become
A catacomb, while on his
Head wears an orange dome.
Trump thinks that he is
Such a sweet thing, and to tears
All of us does bring.
Difficult to deal
With and all of his appeal
Not really for real.
Trump was born with low
Intelligence level and
By wife was told so.
Over himself he
Cannot get and then also
For neither can we.
In newspaper read
Would you believe found world dead
By Trump were all bled.
While in a brothel
Did decide to write a novel
"Around me world revolves."
Trump will never miss
Has always been humorless
Scratch him off my list.
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
Categories:
humorless, humorous,
Form:
Haiku
I coming back from a desert place
O dry it was and waterless
The drought rose up and strangled me
With cracking fist, and humorless
The thing like a predator took hold
Its claws sucking where its beak should be
The leaves turned gold then brown and old
The wind stirred dust and misery
I coming back from a desert place
My tongue parcht, stiff became
And every word I used to wet my taste
Became a scalding, gritty flame
But I here am to tell from trickling love
That arid winter premature in despair
I have a God watching o'er from above
And liquid are his promises everywhere
Categories:
humorless, hope, on writing and
Form:
Verse
DOWN 1to the sixth power
December 5, 2016
Rabid dog
Rancid clog
Drain dry masochism
Deaf, dumb and blind.
Amorphic inhuman
Gyrating jaws
Pulsate through a foaming drool
Hair, hate and breath
Teeth and tongue.
Spastic fits
Agitated clits
Humorless and crass
Hail our goddess: the demon spawn.
Surrender to the witch
Reprise from the fraud.
Coming and going,
What was once here, is now dead and gone.
Categories:
humorless, bereavement, betrayal, feelings,
Form:
Blank verse
On the humorless steps
of a somber public building,
I paused awhile,
Looked down and saw
something mischievous
that playfully peeped
Through a dark crack
there on the concrete,
grayish, glum pavement.
There it was, a delicate,
bright yellow flower,
swaying alone and tiny
In the light urban breeze.
In dazzlingly radiant abandon,
it gratefully, though mutely, said:
"Thank you!" to the sun above
that, by looming skyscrapers,
was always partly hidden.
.
Categories:
humorless, urban
Form:
Free verse
I noticed just yesterday
while glowering about something else
now already
once again
forgotten...
I seem to have lost my good-sensed humor
along my stumbling
isolating internal say
Toward this red STOP! sign
searching for a different way
To find a new Earth center
for healing active hope,
To sing new scales of joyful
sad sharp focus
Performed more locally
and possibly reformed less reflectively
mesmerized by fame's monopolistic grope.
This new reselective time
Less silently reserved
Less anxiously depressed
Less repressively suppressed.
Each morning's dawn warning
to worship at new altars
Renewing robust octaves of communion
encompassing organic green nutrition
To redesign all creatures here below
more positive above
good-humored love
with timeless passions
hilariously sensed together
yet tragically shoved
apart.
If I were not so sweet sixteen
prepared to restart home's immigration scene
again for my first time,
what would I rechoose to do
becoming compassion's singing rally
with rainbow hearted allies?
If I were thirty-three,
my age of messianic crossfire
for all to red angry
horrifying see,
what would I choose to resurrect again?
And why would this revoiced
rechoiced healthier community
support potentiating integrity
with more robust good humor
this well-timed passed over
and back around
on sacred wellbeing
more interfaith
as multiculturally safe
and healthy ground?
If I were twice
my god's reflective age
revived,
what would we joyously choose
to re-member
as half-life good golden sense
for revolving salvation's climate humor?
For this tragic comedy
of tumorous migration
anxiously anticipating
integrity's full ZeroScores
restoring just right species
may not be mine
next time back around
multiculturing herstory
All together one predation
praying for exterior relations
more integral summations
than humorless,
silent rumorless
quiet aging absence
of eternal sad-paced
barely surviving mercy
At least sufficient for noticing,
just yesteryear
while glowering about something else
now already strange sadly *****
once again forgotten.
Categories:
humorless, anxiety, appreciation, health, humanity,
Form:
Political Verse
My youngest
of three AfricanAmerican adopted sons
has profound nonwhite
nonstraight
nonverbal cerebral palsy.
Profound
in at least not being privileged
or victimized
by internal LeftBrain dominance,
violent micro-aggressions,
zero-sum competitive thinking
Either positively True and Good
or negatively False and Bad,
laughable
or humorless
Sacred indigenous consciousness
feels more Right-Elder brainstem
bodymind nondualistic synergy
friendly energy
which is my son's political blessing
and his capital secularizing
segregating
colonizing
economic disabled curse.
Youngest son communes
with music
more fluidly co-empathic
than linguistic communications
He touches
and sings
and chants
through echoing shouts
and exclamatory barks,
short nonphonetic phrases,
lip smacking,
and belly laughs.
When he cries,
which is seldom,
he cries silently
No vocal cords
Profound inhaling wet gasps
and exhaling sad sacred shakes.
He laughs unconditionally
from his root chakra
warm unguarded soul
and bicamerally cries
from his buddha
co-empathic eyes.
Categories:
humorless, health, integrity, nature, peace,
Form:
Parallelismus Membrorum
A girl with hollow eyes
stares from behind
foliage rich with greens and yellows
but she’s in black and white
no Technicoloring here
and the leaves are closing in
spiraling around her face
pulling her off to the side
so she can dwindle away
in peace.
This shadow of a girl
who used to exist
in as much varied splendor
as that which surrounds her
is now fading
lackluster lips
not even trying now
to speak out against
her oncoming disappearance
though her eyelashes
lush and thick
still hold on
trying not to let the colors
into the void of white
not wanting change to enter
what used to be the center
steadily silent and solitary
expanse behind those eyes
where everything
was lulled to quiet and inflexible.
Perfect in every way
she is humorless
unsmiling and her only flaws
are the missing so-called
windows to her soul
so that while she is blank
a clean slate she is not
her various markings and stains
are there
though unseen.
She accepts her fate
silently fighting
all the time
but her façade stays intact
even as she suffocates
and eventually dies
under thousands
of overturned
new leaves.
Categories:
humorless, angst, death, depression, life,
Form:
Lyric
It was thought she was pregnant
confused as she was
and out of her depth.
They waded into the river to help.
They floated rubber rafts to buoy her up.
Marine experts posited ways
to keep her breathing in shallow waters.
In dockyard pubs
hard men openly spoke of her plight,
voices low and humorless
as they test-drove new technical jargon.
When she died;
rolling in the pebbly shallows
we threw a tarpaulin over her
as if she were a human cadaver.
We had done our best, had televised everything,
implemented elaborate plans,
recorded last moments with ripples of hope;
watched the sluggish waves
wash away her long drowning.
Categories:
humorless, poetry,
Form:
Free verse
It has been a short - lived career,
Former ones tried on Black Maria;
To soon start bearing A Pariah,
His story the same in Syria,
Which he had judged land of Moriah,
Jesus Christ leaving for Sharia
Stopped prayers for his Diarrhoea
A life of uncompleted jobs
With a strong heart that dully throbs
Two eyes that wouldn't see the snubs
And a right hand that nostrils rubs
It's a Jimmy Cliff's Foolish Pride,
So the setbacks he'd swept aside
With a radio as tireless
As its system is wireless
Reaching station of the tactless
For the funny and humorless.
Categories:
humorless, absence, allusion, career, change,
Form:
Rhyme