Best Horny Poems
Submitted by: Buzz O'Words
Written: 3/3/14
Too much Viagra and beer.
My wife was out of town,
I hit every club around.
Each time I'd hope to find
A horny woman here.
Country Bob's was the last place that was open.
Near blind drunk and horny, I was still hopin'.
A pretty woman gave me a glance,
Smiled and said, "Let's dance.
Honey, I'm ridin' if you're ropin'."
A few hours later, I was in a Helluva mess
She was still ridin' hard and screamin', "God, this is the best!"
I was dizzy and light-headed. I had pains in my chest,
But she wouldn't stop long enough to call EMS.
When I came to, I was home in my own bed,
Next to my lovely wife; and this is what she said:
"I picked you up at Country Bob's, my dear;
And there's gonna be some changes around here.
You were fantastic last night, so, I only think it’s right
If I supplement your diet with Viagra and beer."
Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
She treats me like a king,
Says I make her body sing;
So, she makes sure I get my Viagra and beer.
Viagra and beer. Viagra and beer.
Yeah, she makes sure I get my Viagra and beer.
We're like newlyweds.
I need a break sometime.
She can’t keep her hands off me.
< mythical creature
woven from the hands of god
and given an horn
the man with a crown on his head
has likely to spend time in bed
the Queen, misbehaving
the cause of much raving
preferring most couches instead.
got theses feeling
got me reeling
for you have this
come lets kiss and kiss
this is noe baloney
AM HORNY
Bad poetry is what one gets
when horny people don't have sex
so if this rhyme seems juvenile
give me a break, it's been a while
When one is lonely and shy
and the whole world is passing by,
play this little game although quite tame,
key in your name in the anagram frame,
take flight from commonality
to change one’s personality
you may find it gives one a boost
a character from a novel by Proust,
aid one to participate, in a wee dram
become a sophisticated, Rash Horny Ram!
© Harry J Horsman 2011
Said his lover to the horny toad:
"Buster, you can hit the road!
A 'horny' Romeo you ain't,
And here's the basis of my complaint!
I don't know why they call you 'horny'!
'Tis a gross misnomer and is so very corny!
When it comes to romance you are dead!
You're about as sensual as a loaf of moldy bread!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
For those not acquainted with horny toads. They are a species that sport horns on
their heads, therefore, called horned or horny toads and are quite common here in
Colorado. I have no personal knowledge of a "horny" toad's sexual activities but
apparently the little lady toadette in this poem is upset about it!
Revered are the Stars that spring you,
acclaimed the moon who enlightens your path.
Hold me in-between your laps -a haven of infinity.
Let me understand your warmth:cold forever despised.
My upstairs in scatteration-your decked face observe.
Wait on the Mortal strand where the Hollow of your thighs is consummated.
Freeze me in you,the World a single figure appear.
You make the Soundings of my Heart so deafening:inaudible to Mortals.
You arrest my Soul at the sight of your tasty sight,
Your Kiss treasure-coated-a well of honey sunk.
Miles apart,your nose my passion reborn.
Broadened is the way on your breast of monogamy where to the brim am made.
Push me from this road:the Sting of death nearing.
Fire me alive;eat me raw,if ever scorned of your touch.
Said the horny prince to the fairy queen
I have the largest you've ever seen
I’ll prove it, indeed,
By planting my seed
And we'll call it continuing my gene.
FOURTH PLACE WINNER
written February 23, 2022
"A New Bawdy or Humorous Limerick" Poetry Contest
sponsored by Tania Kitchin
She came across a bend
On a lonely road.
She walked upon some little rocks
And found a horny toad.
She cried as her heart then broke
cause that little toad there died.
She couldn't understand,
confused she stood and sighed.
That little horny toad
never moved or moaned at all.
As she stood there and stared,
not believing in that there she saw.
She wondered why she stumbled
on that little horny toad.
Where that toad there then died,
here upon a lonely road.
A long lost uncle has suddenly died
Leaving me a treasure that staggers the eyes
A mansion imposing
But therein disclosing
A bevy of horny fillies, I began to cry
Maverick
- man
Legs
- long
Skirts
- sexy
Knickers
- knot
Manners
- misplaced
Breast
- Blossom
Breathe
- bare
Nipple
- Nudge
Heart
- huge
Loins
- looney
Fingers
- Fraught
Penile
- Pulse
Testicle
- Trouble
Horny
- Hornet
*****
- Propeller
As Hard As Rock by Nina Dalin 14th May 2019 - Sexual Comedy
And John said
“Olegs cock is as hard as rock ?When Monica Miguel enters the room”?
He approaches her without realisation?
That His cock is sticking out far vertically out from his shorts
?It’s much longer than usual?
So big it looks like an elephants dick?
Because he's so horny
She looks down at his crotch with surprise ?
She can see the head above the shorts.?
And smirks ?"Can I blow you?”?
“Yeah sure baby. Anytime.”
How about now? she asks.
She gets down on her knees
Sucks his dick like a lollipop
Until he comes
World becomes the hell
Rulers when cultivate greed
Hate begets revenge
Warfare body lives on blood
Deaths are politician's game
16.09.2020 Chattogram
(This is a fictional poem)
I'm a twenty-five year old man and I've been told that I'm weird.
People say I've become a nut just like they feared.
They were shocked because it's ridiculous and silly.
I get an ******** when I see Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies.
Pamela Anderson called me and asked me out but I refused to meet her.
Sexy women like her give me a limp peter.
Old broads are the only women who arouse me.
I choke my chicken every time I watch Aunt Bee.
My friends ask me if I'm going to take a wife.
I tell them that I'd love to marry that old fat lady on the facts of life.
Last week I mailed a letter to the publisher of Playboy.
I told Hefner that he should make a new magazine and call it Grayboy.