Best Hols Poems
So your youth has long gone and you’re feeling your age
And you squint at the print on the optician’s page
Hallway mirrors are banned cos you know they tell lies
And there isn’t a laptop that comes in your size
And the back of your wardrobe is looking a bit
Like your Narnia weekend was clearly a hit
And the crime rate is up on the high street you’ve read
So it makes perfect sense just to buy stuff in bed
So you’re buying online but still feeling forlorn
Cos you’re still scrolling down for the year you were born
So you make your selection but pause as you see
At the bottom a message and clearly for me
Is your pension in place would you botox your face
And the cost of a funeral is just a disgrace
A free pen for enquiring now seems a bit mean
now your low self esteem is the lowest it’s been
and the old people’s stuff which is catching your eye
so alluring, attractive and easy to buy
with a click of your hip and two clicks of your mouse
all that stuff could be winging its way to your house
so you go to the checkout, how hard can it be
but you can’t till you’ve registered online for free
what’s the best time to call and the name of your school
and where you do your big shop as a rule
do you floss who’s your boss whats your profit and loss
Michael Parkinson,Wogan or Jonathan Ross
so they know who you are and the size of your bra
where you go on your hols and when you change your car
and you’ve chosen a password, the name of your pet
but you still write it down cos you know you’ll forget
Now please enter the Captcha, a hideous rule
Did these people not do basic grammar at school
A wry smile now appears cos you’re starting to feel
that the one great big slipper won’t lose it’s appeal
So accept that you’re older, keep scrolling instead
- 'cos the nuisance cold calls taper off when you're dead
Was a calm and uneventful day on a family holiday
what can we do next, how about taking that boat out to sea
We begged some sandwiches cans of coke to drink
Borrowing a fishing rod, off we went Into the brink.
Sea was like a millpond, for miles we could see
Had a pull on the rod once it was one that got away.
Must have been a foot long, I am sure when put to the test
It wasn't near that length was mere minion size at best
Was then we saw the dolphins swimming and playing happily
They naughtily caught up the rope and pulled us out to sea,,
Round and round in circles swimming merrily
up we went like a inning top and landed in an island tree
Time was going on a big row if we weren't home for tea
But how to get down was evading us and then as a surprise to me.
Along came King Neptune in his chariot wearing a silly grin
Better get you home for tea, a row to spoil your hols would be a sin.
Wobbly jiggle
Bit squidgy in the middle
Get trim for the hols!
The day my mother died
It was approaching Christmas tide.
A morning in December I remember it well.
She had a dicky heart
And a check up they thought smart
Before they booked there hols in NZ for next year.
The results eased their fear.
She was ok to travel next year
And that night she went to sleep with a smile on her face.
Although they weren’t keen on the flight,
They slept well and travelled by night;
A smiled to see their son, his wife and grandchildren.
But not all was as good as it seemed,
In the night fate had other things schemed
And she was struck down with a stroke or something like that.
I got a call early next day from dad,
He stayed calm when he said mum was bad
So I packed up shop to be at his side.
When I got to the hospital ward
I knew not what was in for me stored.
There was mum plugged into a life support machine.
It kept her heart rate and breathing steady,
But the doctor said we needed to be ready
Because the prognosis wasn’t good and there was only one way.
My aunt and uncle had gone home,
Leaving me and dad all alone
To say goodbye to mum who we both loved so much.
We knew it was for the best
As we let her slip to eternal rest
And now the angels can look after her.
My first experience in the water
when my dad threw me in
at the tender age of five I was
from then water fear hit my chin
I never learned to swim for years
till in my late twenties I took a dip
taking lessons at local swim pool
struggled at first thinking it a blip
But it was never too successful
had issues with concentration and coordination
never able to combine hands and feet together
it just wasn't to be my life station
So I can just about swim a length
but that's all truly is my lot
an occasional dip on hols maybe
nothing more Olympics isn't my pot!
We are thirteenish.
We meet.
I know.
She does not.
We meet at times
When home for hols.
Then I’m at varsity,
She’s a student nurse.
We meet more often.
Deep down I still know,
It’s clear she does not.
We qualify.
We split.
She’s in London,
I am not.
I’m in London,
She’s in Scotland.
She’s back in London,
I’m near Brighton.
We meet at weekends.
We sit and talk.
We walk and talk.
We do short trips.
We work all week.
I know I know,
I think she knows.
Late one night
We both agree.
We return.
We wed.
We are one.
We relocate.
We see
We talk
We touch
We love
We laugh
We cry
We work
We parent
We move
We travel
We achieve
We look
We celebrate
We smile
We care
We kiss
We wave
We climb
We swim
We pet
We tease
We rub
We grow
We age
We stare
We sleep
We come
We go
We caress
We love
We think
We cook
We eat
We drink
We bathe
We feel
We explore
We find
We check
We learn
We weep
We treat
We win
We lose.
I know.
She knows.
I know
She knows.
She knows
I know.
We retreat,
We linger
We eye
We touch
We love
We hold
We whisper
We fear.
She goes in
I stay out.
She drifts.
I visit.
We both know.
We kiss,
We touch,
We whisper.
She sighs.
I cry.
She smiles.
I try.
She sleeps.
She wakes.
She sighs.
She’s gone.
Gone, gone,
Forever and a day.
Being adopted living in the country
an only child but knew sweet contentment
although had beginnings of a stammer
life was happy feeling no resentment
At the age of 12 there on my own
watching my football team for the first time
being given freedom at Kilmarnock F.C
felt good just there myself so like rhyme
To Blackpool in '77 for my first hols alone
really felt good driving my mini on route
eventful time there lost wallet and car
but found car ok, so had a nice ice cream cone
Have felt fulfilled at Scots Assoc. for Stammerers
providing support for those who stammer
appeared on Scottish TV in '87 in advert
this felt good control in front of the camera
The holiday highlight of my life
arrive in Geneva at 90f so hot
Switzerland breathtakingly beautiful
go Jungfrau high snow/sun you've got
Then om 2012 I took early retirement
to make me so happy and fully free
having time to be in the countryside
watching nature and all there is to see
Looking back thinking of one so special
my dear Christine one so special and true
many great times spent over our 32 years
it's been a real whirl all because we said I do!
(This being my 2000th poem, I thought it appropriate to look at highlights in my life I had forgotten about and how they had influenced my life.)
The Complete Nick Armbrister Poetry Collection Volume 3 1996 - 2013
Copyright 2014 Nick Armbrister
ISBN - 978-1-326-06538-6
my poem based on true events, out of my book
Beware
Brit gal went on hols to Thailand, wanted a good time. What she got was hell. Riding a moped down a road, something went so wrong. She hit a minibus while going fast, whose fault was it? Was she on the right side of the road? Catapulted thirty yards in the road, thud!
Mushy head time. A Brit cop working with his Thai colleagues saw her. Her head smashed in, brains spread onto the road. Still alive and very conscious she asks for her parents, crying her last tears. Then she’s gone.
If you go to Thailand remember the poor Brit gal and her fatal accident. Don’t drink or do drugs and ride a bike or moped and wear a helmet.
Beware!
My life's been fine without you -- really has.
A Belgian bar has opened in the square,
and weekends, we do beer and tapas there,
then Malcolm and Elaine's place, for some jazz
and Jamieson's. May in Cortes -- what a blast!
Right now, I'm growing sideburns! Summer hols,
we'll all dress up as bandits and their molls!
I've never laughed so much. Who needs the past?
Yet sometimes, when the lake frowns in the rain,
or April squalls tug blossoms from the trees,
I think of you. This sadness preordained,
like plane trees pollarded, proud amputees
shorn of their plumes, emerges, stark and strange:
and I know then. Some things will never change.
Leftovers
Don’t let Christmas come in too much of a hurry
I really can’t handle one more turkey curry
The kids now want something else for their teas
So it’s six pigs in blankets and biscuits for cheese
Faced with leftovers for the rest of the hols
Anyone want anymore sausage rolls
A nice new year snack? The family concur
I get out the turkey... its covered in fur
So now that I’ve chucked out them old turkey loins
We’ll finish the pudding that mum filled with coins
The dentist is open next week, God willing
To sort out the molar I broke on a shilling
There’s thirty one days in every December
So why is it no-one can ever remember
The night that for good luck we don’t want to miss
Can anyone tell me when twelfth night is
So the tree’s folded up and it’s back in the loft
The best China’s packed up in something that’s soft
The Holly’s chucked out which seemed a bit drastic
When you consider that most it’s plastic
Granddad’s still sat in his gold paper hat
I ask why on Earth are you still wearing that
He says he don’t like to remove it too soon
Perhaps I should tell him it’s half way through June
Hail, snow, ice cold sleet,
Fur lined wellies,cosy feet.
Wind gusting,like an arctic blast,
Wayward brollies, flying past.
Hot sun shining,ice cone treat,
Sand so hot, burning feet.
All this weather,in one day,
One thing more,left to say.
Enjoy your hols,
Your in the UK.
31/3/2022
So many of us have been through so much
in these recent years of covid, its been so hard
personally been horrendous with my stammer
so difficult not getting out feeling so barred
It seemed I was stuck in a rut
even when restrictions lifted, words block
but continue to seek the Lord for release
nothing was coming as I continued to knock
When mask wearing was last to go
people didn't make out what you say
it seemed so difficult to be free
crying Lord help me to with you stay
Then in April '22, the Lord came down
in Ireland on holiday touched my tongue
among others there in our hols group
felt ease and calm deep in my lungs
Since then speaking has been nearly new
getting out again to the coffee shop on my own
the gradual loosening of my tongue had came
blessed be my great God, answers my very groan!
(My thoughts on recent personal answered prayer that has turned my life around again by the merciful grace of God.)
It took fifty-seven paces to the end of the track
But for some strange reason, only fifty-six back.
I tried it again, for something to do
While constantly phoning for breakdown rescue.
The ants were enormous, the grasshoppers blue
Inside of their wings only showed when they flew.
Thistles and lavender, cornflowers too,
But mostly just tarmac, a magnificent view.
Of the village below, a distant haze
Whilst here on the hill, we’ve been waiting for days.
Well that’s how it seems here in the heat,
A broken down car, my life at my feet;
Two tents and three cases
A bag full of shoes,
Four roll mats, gas cooker
And a map of Toulouse.
Wet suits and sun hats
A blow-up canoe,
Cool box and sun cream
A deck chair or two.
There are pillows for night time
A towel for the beach,
Two picnic rugs
And a goodie bag each.
“You can take what you like,
if it fits in the boot”
I spy a small gap
And fill it with loot.
The back seat is clear
Tunnel’s booked for tonight
We’re off and our hols
And we’re travelling light.
Lord my God blessed indeed I am
for your ever wondrous kindness
when I look back since came to Christ
received your imputed righteousness
You have kept me in the faith
planted real desire for your truth
granting enlightenment to my mind
brings assurance as grace doeth
For this year so many blessings to tell
hols were bril but Venice was best
read many pages heard much fine music
my Christine's love such God given blest!
I dreamt of a treaty with Trieste,
but it was to get my mind off something else -
the Brexit.
In the treaty all would be good,
and I would have hols in Trieste
twice a year.
Do I take my bucket there and spade?
Do they have sand in
the city of Trieste?
Actually, I've just fallen in the sand.
Brexit's come to pass
and Trieste's wishful thinking.
6/24/2016