Best Hardware Store Poems

I work in the retail sector
and everyone's gone mad.
It's really very amusing.
It's really very sad.

Toilet paper and sanitizers
have flown right out the door.
Though everyone is...

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Flapping in the wind
   A sign hangs near the front door
        "LEAF BLOWERS ON SALE"...

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The hardware store's a dying breed
As big box stores invade.
They used to have just what you'd need,
Each item U.S. made.

But now they face a growing...

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In a moment of understandable frustration with me,
My wife demanded to know what I really believed in.
I thought for a minute, tear glands filling,
"The essential...

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Love went to the liquor store
She bought a bottle
Drank until the bottle was dry
Walked on over to the hardware store
Where there she bought a hunting...

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Poor little Zena zebra was feeling oh so sad
She was born an albino, which made her look bad

Zena desperately wanted to fit in with the...

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I: in the 70s

At sixteen, looking through a magazine,
I came across the picture of a girl
whose character was Mary Ellen in
“The Waltons” show I watched...

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CHILDHOOD CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

The cold winds of December
Trekking through the woods
Seeking a tree we'd remember
The excitement felt so good

We would look until we found it
The perfectly...

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thoughts lick at my consciousness 
distracting me from the warm embrace
of the colour pallet unfolding
I stare with myopic eyes at the kaleidoscope
endeavouring to discern the...

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I did a dodgy job of mending
The backyard gate.
Mellow memories still feel like gaping gallows,
They perch like birds do on the fence
And eat all the...

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Can I keep him, please, dear mother?
     I found him down the road.
I've been to all the neighbors,
   ...

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The Easter bunny’s feeling sick
He ate eight boiled eggs for a trick
And cannot stop fartin
His butt end is smartin
The other bunnies took the mick!

Poor bunny...

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One Horse Town


The boardwalks full of people only two stood in the street.
The showdown of the century counting down to thirty feet.

Black Bart said this...

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Dee’s father bought a fancy, family sled 
to her amusement and joy
He shocked the town pulling this sled around
With his good, shiny Model T Ford

Memories...

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It was on one Tuesday arvo shopping at the hardware store,
When I noticed Vicar Prendegast come walking through the door,
He walked up to the counter...

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