Scare Tactics
It was on one Tuesday arvo shopping at the hardware store,
When I noticed Vicar Prendegast come walking through the door,
He walked up to the counter with a strained look on his face,
I could see that he’s not happy so I let him take my place.
Gerry who’s behind the counter asked the Vicar what was wrong,
The Vicar mentioned that a thousand bats are not where they belong,
They’ve settled in his narthex attic, as well as in his belfry too,
And leaving such a flamin’ mess, so is there something he can do.
Well Gerry looked across at me and asked me what I thought,
But the only answers that I had so quickly came up short,
I mentioned cats and noise or maybe, an evil smelling spray,
But the Vicar said he tried all these to scare the bats away.
An owl or two would do the trick, so I picked up the phone,
And rang up a taxidermist asking if there’s one on loan,
But his response was negative. Where does the Vicar go from here?
To rid his Church from pesky bats who seem to have diarrhoea.
We wracked our brains to find a source and help the Vicar out,
Suggesting that a smoke bomb might be just the thing to rout
the bats, but in frustration, the Vicar quietly spoke,
I filled the Church with acrid smoke, but it’s I who got to choke.
So in a last ditch effort Gerry asked the Vicar on the score,
“Have you talked about this problem with the Parish from next door?
I’m sure you’re not the only one these bats have taken too.
Have you got their Vicar’s number and I’ll ring him up for you”.
When Gerry put the phone down there’s a big smile on his face,
“No worries Vicar” Gerry said, “Theirs took off without a trace”,
And when Gerry added what was done, it made our Vicar wince,
“He baptised all his bloody bats and hasn’t seen ‘em since”.
©2006 Lindsay Laurie
Copyright © Lindsay Laurie | Year Posted 2015
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