Best Get Laid Poems
Mary Ann had a boyfriend that she
gave affection and great loyalty.
Since the age of sixteen
no one else had she seen
but she wanted more at thirty-three!
Her boyfriend, of course, had it made
since regularly, he would get laid.
So excuses he gave
when Mary Ann would rave
about marriage. . . and unwed they stayed.
Getting pregnant was her coup d'etat
when she said, “You will soon be a pa!”
She said, “Furthermore, Bruce,
I don’t need an excuse.
In my mind we’re a pair - common-law!”
For Black Eyed Susan's Excuses Poetry Contest
There once was a pirate named Slade,
had a crush on Jade the mermaid.
Asked her out on a date,
thought this love was his fate...
turned out she was there to get laid!
8-8-6-6-8 syllable count: howmanysyllables.com
April 7, 2019
Pirate Themed Limerick Poetry Contest
Tania Kitchin
She's a diner girl
A trucker's fantasy
A little bit tough
While being sexy
Sure she likes to flirt
A tool of her trade
She has them dreaming
Thinking they'll get laid
The tips all add up
For dreams of her own
When her shift's over
She goes home alone
You think you know her
She plays the part well
Your glimpse of heaven
Her personal hell
Her expectations
Are grander than this
She desires more
Than a truckers kiss
Nothing can stop her
Or get in her way
The World needs dreamers
Who dream better days
Because I am a rose you expect me to be red
But I am black hope there’s much to be said
My petals not yellow but thick onyx braids
Inspiring the fellows who want to get laid
But I’m no mattress nor am I for sale
Comfy in my blackness no need to yell
Stigma and enigma due to my pride
Misunderstood figure refusing slight
My feet are planted in brown dirt
Inspiring romantic despite my hurts
Cut me deep and I bleed cranberries
DNA unique magical like cocoa faeries
Optimistic singing James Brown so loud
Who can resist I’m black and I’m proud
It's wrong to deny what your heart desires
If it's right, set your hormones on fire
No need to fight the temptation
Let out all of your sexual frustration
Don't hold back, let your imagination loose
Take your wild side for a cruise
If it is right for you at the moment
Don't be afraid to act on it
If he knows how to touch your body with care
Don't be afraid, relax, let him take you there
If it makes your body feel good
Let your body do exactly what it should
Let your hormones be your guide
Take your new vehicle on a test drive
Let your mind relax
Take it slow, let your insides climax
No need to stop or hesitate
Your body deserves to get laid
Ask yourself, how long has it been
Since your body has been caressed inch by inch
If it is feeling wrong, then you know it's right
Get some sexual healing, there are no red lights
Once he enters you, don't yell stop or no
Give him all green lights and let your juices flow
Once he gleans all of the sighs from you
Let your internal emotions wild and loose
Be selfish when it comes to your needs
For your body is what sex feeds
Don't be so quick to rush
Take your time, get more than enough
Love the night with every stroke of sex
Just make the night, one of your bests
White is the landscape as far as I can see.
Ice is the brook that is in close proximity.
Nights are much longer than the days.
Toward the south is the bird that no longer stays.
Everyone is aware of the time of the season.
Roosting is indoors, and the cold is the reason.
Winter is here, whether you like it or not.
On it being cold until March, bet everything you’ve got.
Not much going on outside until the warmth arrives.
Dwelling near the heater is how we will live our lives.
Even the animals know better than to go out in the cold.
Running outside? You have to be very bold.
Lazy me. I will spend much of my time in bed.
All the cabin fever can easily mess up my head.
Nothing to do? Honey, I say we have it made.
Dear, get closer to me. I’m in the mood to get laid.
For Francine's Holiday Acrostic Challenge
It was you from the moment I seen you.
I knew in my heart I would be the one to rescue you, but in the end you ended up saving me.
I see in your eyes the pain that lingered inside.
From your past relationships your pride was on cloud nine.
My theory was to put your fears aside.
You feel like I am like all the rest, so you continuously put my love through a test.
Why won’t you let me love you?
My love is a virtue, forever lasting external statue.
It was you my handcrafted imbue tattoo I cling to.
If you only knew how I truly feel about you.
I was sculpted only for you my sahib, I am your rib.
You’re a reflection of me desperately wanting love, but scared of the many risks that come with it.
Love should have come with an asterisk.
You’re my only weakness causing infectious affection.
It was your personality that spoke volumes to me, showering me with chivalry.
Persistency kept me where I wanted to be.
Let me be the one you need, all you need is faith as tiny as a mustard seed.
Abundantly this love will be an adjustment for you, and me.
If you should have a nightmare just know I will be there.
If you’re hurting and need to cry, I will be the one to wipe your eyes.
For my love only identifies.
I fell in love with you, not for the things you’re able to do.
It was simply you…
If you should happen to get laid off work, I will be the one standing in the door.
The only one you brace oneself for.
Your personal landing gear, I am whole heartily sincere.
I will be your rocking chair.
If the time comes and you begin to lose your hair, baby I will be your favorite barber chair your personal concierge.
It was you that introduced your love voodoo.
Only wanting you timeless déjà vu.
You made me love you; you are my lifetime band aid.
Now let me be your brigade, your right hand grenade.
You’re forever nursing aide.
The sharpest in your drawer knife blade.
The one and, only ace of spade your jack of trades.
Equivalent to money your love is symbolic.
A polished rocket you’re extraordinary, and solid.
Biologic process but simply flawless.
If I am getting off topic I might be losing conscious.
Thinking of you makes me forget my surroundings.
My heart starts pounding echo sounding.
I automatic start smiling, it’s simply astounding.
You knew it has always been you.
It was you.
Men strive to be the
Best providers for their families
But it's a tough job when
There's many mouths to feed
Men are good role models
And excellent father figures
You younger ones will Know
What I mean when you get bigger
Yhey all carry their pride so high
But you can see the pain in their eyes
Working so hard only to
Get laid off with less pay
Struggling to keep their families
Together day by day
Men try to stay strong
But no matter how hard they try
You can still see the pain and the
Worry in their eyes
They give out so much
They'll do anything for love
They will give their hearts and souls
Even try to give you the heavens above
They will never show it
Forever they will hide
You can take a lot from a man
But you can never take away his pride
FOR OPPOSITE SEX CONTEST
-Sentimentality can blind a man to the truth.Those who appear the most trustworthy deserve
the most suspicion. So check on those we trust (Trust But Check).
The people closest to us cause the most pain
When emotions are dry they expose us to more rain
They say trust is a virtue
On our mind from dawn to dusk like a child's curfew
When I sit and think about trusting another girl
My mother
A friend
My brother
I change my mind
Brush trust to the side
I'll never forget how much I trusted her and got cheated on
When I was little trusted my mother and got beated on
Trusted my dad but got badly neglected
Thought me and him were homies but got badly disrespected
All grown up now and nobody can get close
I feel I trust myself the most
For others I possess no feelings
Like a ghost
Catch them in their lies pure intuition
The ones most trustworthy get the most suspicion
Traitors can't get an ounce of trust out of me
Thank God I study psychology
I can't help it, they all screw up
Knocked down the ranks soon after they move up
I offer my experiences to all who read this
No one can be trusted, please believe this
Check on those we trust
Verification is a must
Be watchful and vigilant of people who label you with lust
Women don't set youself up to get laid or played
Men don't allow yourself to sprayed or played
Trust doesn't exist anymore at least in this generation
Looking for love in all places
Such desperation
Spot them before they spot you
Identify the clue
If you can trust them then fine
This is just my opinion
My view
As you have just read, I have a serious trust issue. People only use you for an ulterior
motive they secretly conceal. I know, I know, everybody must face the fact they will be
used. Then again, what about the method of OVERUSING people. Humans in all shapes,
sizes, genders or colors can be so deceiving. I sound bitter, I know that already, but come
on even family can't be trusted. This is just my opinion and cry out to any one to just check
on the people that lust for your confidence. Just cause they appear trustworthy doesn't mean
a thing...
They say without trust, a relationship won't last. They are right. For strange reason however,
I can't seem to trust family, a stranger, a friend, boy or girl. Scary? You tell me. But...What if
I can't trust myself...?
when life give you lemons you make lemonade
when life gives you a job its time to get paid
when life gives you women you'll surely get laid
but obsess over all this you'll end up a slave
see no evil hear no evil speak no evil please
just because I'm Satanist people think that I'm diseased
but I assure you all that I'm the cleanliest you'll ever see
cuz one of the things that separate is the fact I'm still me
I don't really care for the opinions of what you think
cut you, you cut me we bleed red and both show pink
inside were the same its our tones that are both distinct
if we keep fighting this war its all who will be extinct
when life gives you lemons
you can try to paint them gold
but you'll always be reminded
cuz inside still turns to mould
Unquotable quotes – VII
What comes in through one ear goes out through the rear.
Give him a wench and, he’ll want her to be French.
Give him an inch and he’ll take no small pinch.
Better be swallowed by a whale than be torn to shreds by a
shark of a girl in a gale.
The praying mantis kills after she copulates in bliss ; the
predatory woman drills a hole in your bank account first
before she kills for a thrill.
The banana kills its bearer for the latter cannot bear another.
Take the pillow but not the widow
Marry her sister if she’s fatter.
Frogs in a well croak well in hell.
A crab walking straight is out of gait.
(continuing the series from UQ - VI)
We are all sinners under bums.
We are all looters under swarms.
We are all marchers under drums.
We are all dreamers under balms.
We are all loafers under palms.
We are all voters under domes.
We are all soupers under poems.
for Chrissie Morris-Brady
If you call a spade a jade, you’ve got it made
But if you call a maid a jade, you’re likely to get laid
Though if you call a maid in bed, you’re going to get wed
Yet if you call a maid to bed, you’re sure to be up-fed.
If you call a maid in a hurry, you’re likely to be sorry
Or if you call a maid in a lorry, you’re bound to worry.
If you called a lad dad, he’d likely not be glad
Yet if you called the lad bad, he’d certainly be sad
But if you called the lad mad, he’s bound to think you a grad.
If you called a nerd a turd, you could possibly get furred
But if you thought a Lord bored, you probably will get bored
Yet if you called a Lord a toad, he’ll have you all towed.
Then if you called a Knight tight, he’ll challenge you to a fight.
If you called a Baron daemon, he’ll think you were a doorman.
If you refer to Jude as a nude, you’re likely to get screwed
And refer to the nude as lewd, you’re bound to get brewed
And think of Dude as crude, there’s bound to be a feud.
If you called a squid a quid, it’s bound to think like a Druid.
If you call what you said dead, you’ll never ever get read
If you thought home food good, you must be a real hood
And rely on your word two-third, you sure are a dud.
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2016
< once popped cork on bottle of red wine
hit brother in eye oh how it did shine
seen him go pick up bat
boy did I ever scat
right to canadian's boarder line
feeling like her dansel in-distress
along came three county mounties best
asked if nipping bottle
at fast paces throttle
answered yes now did I pass your test
tossed in pokie for now twenty days
poor ole missy now won't and get laid
darn brother wins again
wearing smitten hugh grin
wait until that welt begins to fade
Written 6/20/11
Entry For Francine Robert's
Bottle Of Wine
Limericks Only Contest
G.L. All
It began with a hit
Problems were solved
Then you couldn't get lit
And addiction evolved
Your body craved more
The smoke couldn't handle
Now covered in sores
Too common a scandal
You recall the time
Needles were bad
But now, every nine
They soften your sad
Mascara smothers
droopy eyes
Whispers from others
Ignite your cries
Wrapping your sleeves
Around your hands
Joining thieves
For what your body demands
You have nothing to trade
But the flesh you wear
Others get laid
To take you there
Your home is a dump
Filled with useless junk
You're in a funk
So you get your fix
Ready for kicks
A different mix
You see the light
Your body relaxed
But then lose sight
A bad batch
A drop of blood
Joined with a tear
The addicts crud
Your end is here
But what you don't see
Or perhaps never saw
Friends and family
Anticipated your fall
Sleepless nights
Anxious days
Agonizing fright
Throughout your phase
Now they find you
A lifeless shell
You may be through
But their in hell
My trust you have betrayed,
You just had to go and get laid,
And spit in my face.
The memories of us I have erased,
You crushed me!
But soon I will heal ,
And see that your feelings weren't real,
And see that you wern't a big deal.
I will pick myself back up and move on,
Walking around even more strong,
I am too independent for you,
I don't need someone who is un true.
I wasted my time on an ugly disastear,
I wish I would have realized it faster.
you could never give me what I wanted,
You just kept tearing me down,
Spinning my head around,
In all the wrong directions.
Your as fake as the ring you put on my finger,
I just let you linger.
At least I know I left a mark on your empty heart,
Just remember I am the best you ever had.