Best Disorder Poems
"Marionette of Flesh in a Borrowed Dress"
- Daniel Henry Rodgers
The hourglass,
a skeletal jester
mocks in the tomb's chill
Each falling grain an emaciated sigh,
"Soon you'll cease to be."
The mirror's cold reflection,
a Gorgon's ghastly guise
A marionette of flesh with vacant...
hollow...
colorless eyes.
The worms, like pallid mourners
watch me shrink
A marionette of organs,
cold and pale, pink.
This flesh, a borrowed dress
once sprightly
Now stained and thin
Holds tight the secrets only
death can win.
This borrowed dress,
a shroud where my story's writ
In laughter's faded stitch
and tear's accusing slit.
A map of life etched deep
with scars that mar the grain.
A raven of fleeting triumphs
a pendulum of ceaseless pain.
In the shadowed hollows
where sorrow resides
I languish.
marionettes of fate's cruel designs!
Each scratch and cut a lament.
each tear a bitter sea!
Bound by the chains of my...
limited mortality.
In this borrowed dress,
I mourn what could have been...
Lost in the convulsion of my own... sin.
I am transformed
but not redeemed.
I am drifting into the void
My spirits are shattered
and my dreams destroyed.
So in the silence of eternity
I find my rest
Lost in this body of my own...
detest.
And though this shell
a chrysalis
soon withers
and decays
I cast aside the shroud
no longer bound or worn.
Accept the endless night,
where a new self-forlorn is bourne.
Transformed
a residual relic
through the void
I fly
Suture with stardust catgut,
a worn scroll in the sky.
A Plate of Disorder
Are you ready to Disorder Sir?
What can I tempt you for a starter,
May I recommend the Turmoil Soup?
Garnished with Havoc Green Tartar.
For the main, perhaps our house speciality,
Goujons of Chaos and Sweet Bedlam.
With a Medley of Confusion and Mess,
Served on a bed of Smoked Mayhem.
On the Dessert Trolley tonight,
We have a Disarray of Cheese Cake,
A delicious Rhubarb Anarchy,
Or Sticky Turbulent Plum Bake.
Please enjoy your hearty and Riotous feast,
May it temper and fulfil the agitated beast.
Awake in the darkness, curtains are not drawn,
sky a deep Prussian blue, with no sign of the dawn.
Daybreak six fifty-five, two more hours to go
'till sunrise at the speed of thawing winter snow.
Window slightly ajar, letting in the night's hush,
dawn chorus spasmodic, birds are not in a rush.
Seeking out signs of sunrise I take in the views
like a soldier's wife, patiently waiting for news.
Bedroom light left switched off, no comfort from its rays
giving scant consolation on short Autumn days.
On the Eastern horizon now a band of Azure,
I hungrily take it in, praying for more.
Greedy clouds cloak the sun as they muddy the sky
stretching out my torment as the minutes tick by.
As the gift of a new dawn is slowly unwrapped,
night time's bookends draw nearer, the shorter day trapped.
I shall revel in daylight, no minutes shall I waste
but savour the sights and the sounds and the taste,
for my mood feeds on sunlight at all times of year,
which is why, in the winter, I swap it for beer.
If you have a sleep disorder, I strongly advise that you have it checked
Apparently, if it is serious enough, it can even lead to death
Was diagnosed with very serious "sleep apnea" a while ago
The treatment, is extremely difficult to get used to
Ever try sleeping with two plastic thingies stuck up your nose
I guess I'll get used to it eventually
People that have been using a machine like this for years
Swear by it and tell me the results will be fantastic... like night and day
But I must be patient and persevere. It will take a little while to get used to
Really? Are you saying eventually I won't notice these thingies up my nose?
Maybe if I drug myself till I think I'm a fairy princess
Or a famous Shakespearean actor in tights
I'm willing to give it a shot! Oops! Sorry, lost my train of thought there
The thought of me prancing around as a fairy princess
Has always kind of appealed to me... oops!
I mean, as a Prince Charming
Now back to my sleep apnea, wish me luck
It's supposed to make me more rested, sweet and happy
SO GET OUT OF MY FACE TILL THEN YOU GUYS!
We must be patient, this is not going to happen overnight!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Borderline Personality Disorder: Full Disclosure
There is no I inside,
No consistent self through time.
I know that I am but
Don't know who it is that is,
Who will be tomorrow, or was yesterday.
Sad to be confused.
All there is is nothing,
Like grabbing invisible wind,
Squeezing a fist-full of water.
Sad to be empty.
It makes no sense to do something
By myself for myself.
In relationship I take the back seat.
The other one's life becomes mine.
Sad to have nothing to give.
I know you love me,
But do not believe you do, and
I hate you sometimes too but
Don’t leave or lose me from your heart.
I swear I’ll do anything.
Sad to be afraid to be alone.
Chemically alter my mood? Of course,
And every chance I get.
Sad to not live in my own skin
Anger jumps quick to rage
And I hurt who I desperately love.
Sad to be mean.
No more dreams of who or what to be,
Not goals to achieve with joy
Like happy people have to live for.
Sad to have no future.
Self harm becomes the norm because
It's better than suicide.
Sad to choose between the two.
Emotions twist and scatter, hop about,
Bounce about, smash against each other, or
Splat the sides of my brain and scream.
Sad to be unstable.
Time is long past up for me to be:
Living unbearable despair,
Suffering extreme, unacceptable.
Hamlet’s answer the later.
Sad for loved ones loved.
How do I explain
That my emotions are painful
That happiness is euphoria
That anger is blinded rage
That love borders obsession
How do I explain
That my emotions are my enemy
That sadness is suicidal thoughts
That pain is an agonizing fire that consumes me
That emotions are a hurricane
That merged with a tornado and tear away at my body from the inside out
And eventually, reach the people around me
How do I explain
That my actions aren’t always under my control
That the only thing I can feel
Without wanting to break
Is the pain of my own doing
How do I explain
That everyone leaves when I break
Because if you’re in my vicinity
And don’t head my warnings to leave me alone
I lash out with hurtful words and actions
That’ll hurt and break you down
Only for me to regret them soon after
And take it all out on myself
How do I explain
That being alone when I don’t want to be
Turns into an intense battle
A vicious war with myself
To not break and lash out at the ones I love
And to instead remember to stop and breathe
To process reality rationally
How do I explain
That I can’t do things like everyone else
That the simplest task
Become a life or death situation
That it makes me want to scream
How do I explain
That my mind is broken
And I hope you don’t leave
Because the monsters in me are terrible
And I’m still learning to control them
How do I explain
That I fear the love I’m shown
Even though I crave it
That part of me trusts the people close to me
And another part can’t believe a word they tell me
Tell me how do I explain
The mind that is ruled by different personalities
That all feel the pain of a single disorder
That’s so stigmatized by the world
How do I explain
Borderline Personality Disorder
bowed before you once again
i’m worshipping you
when i said i wouldn’t
bent in half
i’m surrendering both my dinner
and my fears
knelt down before you
my legs tremble
my hands and chin drip
hunched over you
i am obedient
under your tyrannical rules
there will be no revolution today
We don’t just love, we fall so deep into the emotion
that we’re consumed in the feeling,
we’re terrified of the thought of you leaving,
so we leave before you have the chance.
I always thought this was beautiful, until I realised that when its time for us to leave, we aren’t just sad,
we see suicide and destruction as our only option,
we give you the wings of love and the chance
for you to fly away, but if you do, our hearts are left scarred. That’s why we always run first,
because even though deep down we hope you
will catch us, we pretend that turning the world against us was the only option.
My doctor says I'm mentally ill
I say I have superpowers
My family says I'm going insane
That I've not been myself the last couple of hours
"Stop acting like a boy", I hear
Yeah Susan that's kind of hard
I wish I could take control again
And show you it was never me from the start
I want to be alone in my body again
But then again so do they
I don't know where they came from
All I know is they're here today
I don't really know what time it is
And recalling my doings are hard
Sometimes i go lost, gone completely
Others I watch from afar
Atleast I have a friend though
And my life's never a bore
This is me or us signing out now
6 , 7 , 8 out in core
There are so many voices heard and unheard in me.
I want to listen to the silences that are making noise inside.
You define me a “you” though.
One voice orders me to go,
(Or should I say I?)
Other pleads me to remain,
(Or should I say I?)
One bullies me,
(Or should I say I?)
One empathizes me,
(Is it the prime me?)
Which one is mine?
Or
What do I want?
Or
Who am I?
Perhaps I should call her who reside
Deepest inside my heart and have a walk together.
And maybe tonight in feasting
I'll inhale the flavors of my meal
and exhale colors in the wind
I have not been chosen
beyond our understanding, it just is
It’s the quiet that scares me
so I'm a puppeteer of the shadows
Dancing near the light source
to feed my lonely
I breathe this naturally
Another dimension
Another time
More laughter
I'm pacing and spinning
Yelling and singing
I'm in control
until the arch of my feet gets weak
from chasing the muse my bed becomes
And I'm tired
In prayer I lay
The only air left to breathe is the regret of wasting the day
It was never us
Just me filling the spaces of those I want to love
They are not here now
They cant share this with me
I'm only weak
It's only me
Sinful
minds bleeding-
profusely. Seek
a hysteroscope from
Above.
Pace, G
INK-U-SCRIPT
0510-2012
I hate sounding like a recorder
Knowing I am at the edge of my border
Always being served by a court order
Yeah, I have a mental disorder
Heck yeah, I suffer, I am bipolar
I stay up every night full of energy
Suffering from short term memory
My moods can last for days or weeks
I get so mad sometimes I can't speak
I don't even know what's "normal" anymore
Unexplained pain and my muscles are sore
I don't have the ability to concentrate
So I always yell when I communicate
I have unexplained sadness and crying spells
Feeling sick all the time and can't get well
Having a lot of guilt and feeling worthless
Everything around me makes me stress
Wanting to give up on my hopes and dreams
Just for the thrill, I go to the extreme
I hate sounding like a recorder
Knowing I am at the edge of my border
Always being served by a court order
Yeah, I have a mental disorder
Heck yeah, I suffer, I am bipolar...
A sweet disorder in the dress kindles
In clothes a wantonness; a stole about
The shoulders thrown, a fine distraction; an
ErrIng Lace, which here and there enthralls the
Crimson Vest; a cuff neglectful, ribbons
Flow confusedly: a winning wave (note)
In the tempestuous petticoat: a
Careless shoe-string, in whose tie I see a
Wild civility: does more bewitch me,
Than Art when too precise in ev'ry part.
Keeping up with the Joneses
Tit for tat
Caught up in competition
"You got this? I'll get that"
Let me 1up you
Everything an attack
"Whatever you do,
I have to fight back"
Destroying ourselves
Breaking up our homes
Pride over love
Ending up alone
The things that define us
Are the things that we own
The the things that we've done
And the things that we've shown
Driven by jealousy
Feeding our greed
Filled with envy
Eyes glow green
Superficial materialism
Behavior obscene
Prioritizing what we want
Above what we need