Borderline Personality Disorder: Full Disclosure

Borderline Personality Disorder: Full Disclosure


There is no I inside,
No consistent self through time. 
I know that I am but 
Don't know who it is that is,
Who will be tomorrow, or was yesterday.
          Sad to be confused.

All there is is nothing,
Like grabbing invisible wind,
Squeezing a fist-full of water.
          Sad to be empty.

It makes no sense to do something 
By myself for myself.
In relationship I take the back seat.
The other one's life becomes mine.
          Sad to have nothing to give.

I know you love me,
But do not believe you do, and
I hate you sometimes too but
Don’t leave or lose me from your heart.
I swear I’ll do anything.
          Sad to be afraid to be alone.

Chemically alter my mood? Of course,
And every chance I get.
          Sad to not live in my own skin

Anger jumps quick to rage
And I hurt who I desperately love. 
          Sad to be mean.

No more dreams of who or what to be, 
Not goals to achieve with joy
Like happy people have to live for.
          Sad to have no future.

Self harm becomes the norm because
It's better than suicide.
          Sad to choose between the two.

Emotions twist and scatter, hop about,
Bounce about, smash against each other, or
Splat the sides of my brain and scream.
          Sad to be unstable.

Time is long past up for me to be:
Living unbearable despair, 
Suffering extreme, unacceptable.
Hamlet’s answer the later.
          Sad for loved ones loved.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2018

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Ashley Avatar
July 18, 2018 at 10:31 PM
Larry, your powerfully poignant poem reaches in deep and grabs me by the heart. Your anguished emotions are expressed with aching and devastating beauty. Thank you for sharing your inmost depths of your mind through your very moving poetry.. I’m saving as a fave. Warmest wishes always.. ~Susan
Ibeh Avatar
July 9, 2018 at 12:12 AM
Powerful. I loved this well-written piece. Welcome to Poetrysoup, Larry!
Pigeon Tart Avatar
July 3, 2018 at 9:12 PM
Woah, that's an incredible poignant penning Larry. Visceral and heartbreaking. xomo
Logan Avatar
July 7, 2018 at 9:56 PM
Thank you Maureen. Borderline Personality Disorder is a difficult disorder to treat with therapy. A disorder more difficult to have.
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