Best Condoms Poems
BUYING CONDOMS
I was desperate to buy me some condoms
On a Wednesday morning in June
My girlfriend had made me a promise
And we were meeting up that afternoon
For she'd noticed that in my frustration
My flat....which I kept fairly neat
Now had fingernail marks on the ceiling
And teethmarks on the toilet seat
So she promised an hour of pleasure
As pleasurable as it could be
She wanted fifty eight minutes
With the other two minutes for me
Now you folks are probably thinking
Splitting an hour like that was a crime
But in my mood of complete desperation
Two minutes seemed like a long time
So I stood in a queue in the chemist's
Hoping to be quite discrete
While the lady in front bought and paid for
Corn plasters to stick on her feet
And when my turn came I was gutted
I though 'this must be a joke'
For a gorgeous young girl came to serve me
I was wanting a grizzly old bloke
Embarrassed I picked up some aspirin
But her smile put me quickly at ease
She said as she took the box from me
'Would you like some condoms with these?'
'We have them in black, red or tartan
And ribbed ones to last a long time'
'Do you have a favourite flavour?
We have peppermint, strawberry or lime'
'Flavours?'........ I nervously stuttered
'Strawberry?.......'Is that what you said?'
'These things are to go on my winkie'
'Not between two slices of bread'
She chuckled away as she wrapped them
She'd decided on tartan and lime
And smiled as she gave me the packet
Then wished me a really good time
I dashed around home in a frenzy
The minutes were ticking away
My girlfriend was coming here shortly
For our sixty minutes of play
My clothes hit the floor in a heartbeat
I put on my condom with glee
And the first that she saw, as she opened the door
Was my tartan condom and me
She screamed as the door closed behind her
Her face like a deathly white mask
Then pointed and silently shuddered,
'What're you going to do with that flask?'
I chuckled 'It isn't a flask it's a condom'
Tartan and flavoured with lime'
With disgust she turned and departed
Walking out for the very last time
So my day of passion was stifled
I didn't make it as far as the bed
And as my condoms were lime flavour
I had them with corn flakes instead
Triangles of half-open doors
Reveal all the truth that is hidden:
Just condoms and cans on the floor,
Black papers with verses, forbidden -
Unfinished remakes of the song,
Deprived of the right to speak loud
Of wicked intentions gone wrong -
Erasers have muffled the shout.
The only illusion-proof mind -
A poet, the voice of despair,
Sincere, the one of this kind
Throws verses far into the air
Right there, in a dirty old flat
Among once great talents, now rotten.
They all have deserved more than that,
But even their names are forgotten.
A is for a**l
B is for balls
Share them or wear them
Tucked up in your smalls
C is for condoms
Of all shapes and sizes
D is for dicks
Made of chocolate for prizes
E is for enlarging erections
Oh wow!
F is for fig leaves
Worn you know how
G is for G string
Oooh very nice
H is for handcuffs
Double locked twice
I is for indecent
That sums it up
J is for juices
And not in a cup
K is for kinky
Whatever the weather
L is for lust, libido and leather
M is for mask, massage and minge
N is for naughty
Making me cringe
O is for oral
Taken at leisure
P is for pervert, ****, pimp and pleasure
Q is for quickie
If that is your need
R is for rampant rabbit
One you won't have to feed
S is for S and M
With shackles thrown in
T is for torture
Oh such a sin
U is for urinate
Some folk just love it
V is for vibrator
You know where to shove it
W is for whores, whips, willies and wellies
X is for x rated **** on your tellies
Y is for yeast
Well it does make bread rise!
And Z, well I'm f****d
So I'll say my goodbyes!
We forget lessons learnt in moments of bliss.
Our minds wiped clean with a passionate kiss.
To attain something called love we take a risk.
You indulged in lust and lost your focus.
I fell into a trap with out even knowing.
I accepted dark glazed with
light ,tempted by the glowing.
Lust never helped my
heart and its growing.
The juices of your genital was
the only thing flowing.
You see lust and love are to different things.
Lust unfurls the condoms ring.
Love unfurls a wedding ring.
I want more than lust.
I needed your love loyalty and trust.
Thus that's were the fuss started with us...
You wanted my flesh,I wanted your soul.
I guess that's why two different stories were told
Not in tea leaves, in shoelaces tie existence--their harsh and meshing material
bound, tethered, undone with a gentle pull.
The bunny ears
and clumsy fingers bouncing along the faux-marble
hallways: the future politicians and CEO's and poets
wiping caked mucus on the white-washed brick foundations--
babbling babbling babbling babbling.
A blood-stone bed surge of tidal maturation,
soon to be lost in the variant eddies of life;
the finger-painted puzzle-box open and unsolvable.
Their parents, for they are honorable, as
picket-fences are honorable, as
tracksuits are honorable, as
Zoloft is honorable, sit ajar
on school streets of vibrant myriad cars quietly dilapidating
behind Armor-All dashes. Old ladies waving dutifully
at lifeless lawn ornaments like lifeless lawn ornaments soon themselves in front of homes because
the youth only want something old when it's time to marry,
Googling what the heart feels for the occasion.
Smokestack color windows of depreciating souls searching drunken
down the glossy oak
bar through bent light of whiskey glasses and broken values
they blame on Nietzsche and the price of condoms,
finding a sad reflection seated at this world's dampened end to spread
like ashen snow
again and again and again on sweat-stained futons,
after the lurch toward the water, sloppy with kisses
and lace.
Church bells sound off one and two
O! clock tower
marching Heaven to Hell but got lost in Devil's Lake. They do not hear
the beaten shopping cart radio wobbling like a tripodal Dog,
telling us Jesus stayed inside because White is translucent in the rain.
But,
the wander-footed waywards, leaden eyed, tranced in droning hums of small town streetlights--
or red red copper hangers
or lucid jaundice confessions
or gangrenous light-slivered closets--
break half-empty
beer bottles on familial-faced slogans plastered to an under-bellied bridge and sway
like ebbing wind on the unsure-step shore banks, drooping wasp legs
over the ever-rising precipice
to vein-rush Hellgrammite powder
with their one remaining shoelace
and leave their shoes behind.
Away at the drug store
no condoms I see
I need some protection
to stop pregnancy
My girlfriend’s so horny
wants sex night and day
I’d never refuse her
a roll in the hay!
I’ll purchase some cling film
and some rubber bands
I’ll use these till condoms
are back on the stands.
Poem of the Day 14th July 2023
07/13/23
I’m too old to live out these songs I sing.
There has been too much pumped into these veins.
But if you remember how I was back in time…
Won’t you toss me a nickel or a dime?
I used to travel all around the world.
and I bought my condoms by the case full.
I stored all my cocaine in quart-sized mason jars…
in my yachts, jets, and fancy armored cars.
Man, those were sure some good old glory days.
Before I smoked and drank my dreams away.
When everything I touched turned into solid gold…
Back before the horse took away my soul.
You know that once the devil seals the deal.
There’s no way you can beg, borrow, or steal.
Another second of the fame that you ain’t owed…
No matter how bright the lightning you rode.
Chorus:
When I was on top, man I was the best,
I was so damned far above all the rest.
I’d give my life to have that spotlight once again…
Not outside on this sidewalk begging change.
Standing here playing guitar in the rain.
Your tracks may have faded away with time.
But all those old wounds that you left behind.
Left me with so much more to remember you with…
I can’t say that I thank you for the gift.
I wonder is there nothing left in me.
but the memories of what used to be.
and those sad dreams about how my life could have been…
Knowing I can never go there again.
Now I’m playing these old forgotten songs.
begging change from strangers that come along.
Hoping to get enough to buy a fifth of gin…
I lost my wife, kids, and even my friends.
So heed the words of this broken-down man.
Hold on tight to any dreams that you can.
Because once they're gone, they won’t be back again…
And you’ll find yourself outside, playing guitar in the rain.
(Repeat Chorus)
Talked to a fisherman
He said he hadn’t had a bite in days…so I bit him
Hickory dickory dock
The mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one…
If he clears concussion protocol he’ll start tomorrow
Mary had a little lamb
…and mashed potatoes too.
One potato, two potato, three potato, four
That’s all I could afford so I walked out of the store
Walked into a church. There sat a tethered parrot on a perch.
With a wily rasp he asked if I could “un-tithe” him
Purchased a pack of condoms
The sales clerk said: “that’ll be $6.95 plus tax”
I replied: “forget the tacks, I’ll tie them on”
HIV has been around for a while,
you have unprotected sex like it’s going out of style.
Eventually you are going to get stuck,
you’ll play Russian Roulette and run out of luck!
To utilize a condom is simple and easy,
She said, “When you use those things you just don’t please me.”
You have multiple partners and never use protection,
You say, “I don’t like condoms they mess with my ********.”
You still believe it’s just a gay and addict disease,
get educated on the facts about HIV please!
A portion of the newly infected happen to be teens,
do you all understand what abstinence means?
This deadly disease affects straight males and females,
by educating the communities we can increase condom sales.
It’s not just the at-risk groups that can be infected,
It can be anyone who is not protected.
You come up with that senseless and ridiculous line,
“They look pretty healthy and they appear to be fine.”
Your partner may not necessarily look infected,
always make sure a trusted condom is selected.
Get yourself tested regularly,
that is the responsibility of you and me.
Have your partner tested too,
tell them it’s something they have to do.
Abstinence is the only sure way,
but use a condom if you have to play!
Do yourself and everyone else a favor,
refrain from this type of “risky behavior.”
I only learned one thing in school
And that was how to fight
The teachers were always so good at it
And they were always right.
One teacher was nicknamed spitfire
Because she'd spit as she spoke
All the teachers wore mortar board hats
And wore long black cloaks.
Always late for lessons
Always got the cane.
School books hidden in your trousers never worked
You had to feel the pain.
One teachers face got so red when he got mad
We only had a riot in class nothing unusual
Didn't think we were that bad.
Our sports teacher used to whack us hard
When we forgot our P,E kir
And make us run through nettles
In bare feet the hurt more than a bit.
In science we always tried to make a bomb
And leave the gas taps on
We'd make pea shooters from biro pens
And when the teachers were facing the blackboard
We'd shoot at them then sit poker faced wasn't me Sir.
We'd hide around building corners
To gamble and smoke a crafty cigarette
Until one day a teacher came around suddenly
With a water jet.
One teacher had an affair with an other teacher
With a very pretty one with nice legs and blonde hair
I used to dream about
In my fantasies she was mine
It just wasn't fair.
I was convinced they were not human
But came from some other planet one day in spaceships
And not cars
Maybe they were from Mars.
We'd put condoms on door handles
Let the teachers tyres down on their car
Sneak into the girls changing room for an eye full
And steal their knickers and their bras
Sing rude words to songs at morning assembly
Throw stink bombs in the teachers lounge
Draw funny pictures in our books of our teachers with their trousers down.
Sometimes I'd be madly in love with a teacher or a girl pupil
And do nothing but day dream all day long
Skipping through fields of sunflowers hand in hand
Kissing like to clams under a tree all day long
Oh I was always in love with someone
And would often burst out in song.
I got good at forging homework diary signatures
Explaining why my homework wasn't done
It was always some far fetched story
Like I was chased by Atilla the Hun.
Ahh school days yes we were nothing more than savages
But the teachers were savages too
They should have changed the name school
To Human Zoo.
''I was a good boy I was''.
Peter Dome. Copyright.2015. June.
Unisex sex protection in
Using condoms rubber
Latex covering the *****
During sexual intercourse
Preventing to catch a sexually
Transmitted disease branding
Names of use trojan,lifestyles,
Magnums,ect a water proof
Holding in ejaculated semen
Condoms.
HIV they say that's your name
So who's the blame
Who created this awful name
Your weak to me can't you see
You'll never be apart of me
I have a voice to make a choice
To protect myself from someone else
Condoms are free for you and me
Don't be a victim of society
Make the choice and be the voice
And protect yourself from someone else
Be wise in what you do
So HIV won't enter you
Snake Oil Free Speech
by Odin Roark
Listen close
Here’s what’s going to happen
This is where the rubber leaves the road
The father gripping the wheel
The mother with Coleman cooler at her feet
Beach towels and blankets on her lap
Clueless children in the back seat
Smart-phone-games dumbing down consciousness
You’ll be cruising into the sunset
A barren swamp peppered countryside receding
As oncoming ocean depth
Reflects your personal blood-red sky
All the evil will vanish
As you leave the highway
Slip and slide the sandy road
Dodge beer cans and mistake’s exhausted condoms
Coming suddenly to destination’s end
Your transport will cough its last fumes of gas
Your seat’s cushy-springs will explode
Like coiled serpents in waiting
As icy breath clouds evil-singed windows
Welcome to your Last Stop Beach
Swollen with humanity’s layered dead-cell cake
Iced over with slathered Coppertone delusions
Past attempts at escape
Now but flotsam washed ashore
You’ll try to remain calm
But your virtual-arcade will quickly drown
Along with my Sunday morning radio voice
Gurgling a personal salvation promise
Just for you
And that’s what’s going to happen
The final waves will disappear your sorry lives
Until the awaited day of resurrection
For he told me so
Summer night, scared stiff
Trying to pay for condoms
With a rubber check
I feel like
I am all alone in this world
with eyes
watching my every move
you might think that
I was paranoid
but every time I open my eyes
to see
someone is responding to me
answering a question I have
but never asked
I turned up the sound
on my radio and TV
so that no one can hear me pee
at home
I communicate with others
on recyclable newsprint
which I keep to burn
at home
I burn all
my garbage and place the ashes and bones
in public waste receptacles
around town
I wear recyclable rubber gloves and leave no prints
I wear recyclable rubber condoms and leave no sperm
I wear a mask and recyclable rubber booties when I am awake
you might think that
I was paranoid
but every time I open my eyes
to see
I seem to
find me