Teacher Creatures

I only learned one thing in school And that was how to fight The teachers were always so good at it And they were always right. One teacher was nicknamed spitfire Because she'd spit as she spoke All the teachers wore mortar board hats And wore long black cloaks. Always late for lessons Always got the cane. School books hidden in your trousers never worked You had to feel the pain. One teachers face got so red when he got mad We only had a riot in class nothing unusual Didn't think we were that bad. Our sports teacher used to whack us hard When we forgot our P,E kir And make us run through nettles In bare feet the hurt more than a bit. In science we always tried to make a bomb And leave the gas taps on We'd make pea shooters from biro pens And when the teachers were facing the blackboard We'd shoot at them then sit poker faced wasn't me Sir. We'd hide around building corners To gamble and smoke a crafty cigarette Until one day a teacher came around suddenly With a water jet. One teacher had an affair with an other teacher With a very pretty one with nice legs and blonde hair I used to dream about In my fantasies she was mine It just wasn't fair. I was convinced they were not human But came from some other planet one day in spaceships And not cars Maybe they were from Mars. We'd put condoms on door handles Let the teachers tyres down on their car Sneak into the girls changing room for an eye full And steal their knickers and their bras Sing rude words to songs at morning assembly Throw stink bombs in the teachers lounge Draw funny pictures in our books of our teachers with their trousers down. Sometimes I'd be madly in love with a teacher or a girl pupil And do nothing but day dream all day long Skipping through fields of sunflowers hand in hand Kissing like to clams under a tree all day long Oh I was always in love with someone And would often burst out in song. I got good at forging homework diary signatures Explaining why my homework wasn't done It was always some far fetched story Like I was chased by Atilla the Hun. Ahh school days yes we were nothing more than savages But the teachers were savages too They should have changed the name school To Human Zoo. ''I was a good boy I was''. Peter Dome. Copyright.2015. June.