Best Commando Poems
For a man of the cloth, our dear vicar
is not very partial to clothes
He is almost allergic to trousers
and y-fronts get right up his nose.
Ev’ry Sunday as he climbs in the pulpit
(where the choir boys are sitting below)
His meat and two veg are seen swinging
And it’s proof that he is commando
The ladies who bake and do flowers
don’t know if to scream or to peek
but Olga the Organist’s smiling
and she’s practising eight days a week!
At this year’s summer fete it was breezy
and the wind, I’m afraid, took its toll
His cassock blew up to his waistline
as he served up the last sausage roll
I've heard when he goes on vacation
He suns himself on a nudist beach
and his wife applies his sun lotion
to stop his tush looking like a ripe peach
03/14/20
I'm doing a little highland dancing
and I've gone commando under my kilt
I lay down my claymore
Then dance around the hilt .
but I slipped and did the splits
Now I'm only slightly built .
Dah, Dah, Twiddly , Dah
Twiddly Twiddly Dee
Let go of your sporran
and come and dance with me .
You have to go commando
and expose your hairy knee's
Belts off Troosers down
Let your bits dangle in the breeze
Ignore the flashing blue lights
Tell the police men to sod off
I'll come and visit you in prison
The next time I have another day off.
Dah , Dah , Twiddly , Dah
Twiddly , Twiddly , Dee
Let go of your sporran
and come and dance with me.
The moment I walked in on this scorching room,
I saw innocent faces of sorrowful bloom.
You stared at me when I shook everything off,
Holla don’t worry because I can’t be so off.
We spent 5 months of knowing each other,
I’m happy enough with the words that you utter.
You may sometimes don’t get what I want you to do.
Pretty good things are all I want just for you.
I often don’t understand how you always feel,
Seeing your good deeds is contentment and real.
I love that childish mind in your wealthy young age.
A movement of prissiness is such funny beige.
When you wrote sorry in a white crumpled board,
This heart was lacerated by your one holy sword.
You may have not noticed these sacrifices that I’ve done,
One day of change is your realization in down.
I’m your commando in a most fashionable look,
You’re my soldiers who are fearfully all always hooked.
I’m looking forward in your ramp of achievement,
Seeing that white gown in you is so much fulfillment.
From sleeping through the whole night,
To cutting your first tooth to bite,
From watching you roll over,
To hearing your first word 'MUMMA',
From watching you crawl commando,
To seeing your first steps solo,
Your Nan has spent time with you nearly everyday,
And to be honest would have it no other way,
I've rocked you to sleep time after time,
Had you when you're sick giving your Mum piece of mind,
Cuddled you when you've been sad,
And told you 'No' when you've been bad,
Laughed with you when we've been playing,
Praised you when you're not misbehaving,
Just in one year you've developed at such speed,
First year milestones you've passed indeed,
Your presence is infectious you can't ignore,
Obviously an old soul you've been here before,
I think you've been sent to teach all of us,
Cause you're the perfect example of unconditional love.
07/01/2016
The bikies are in town today
Least they're trying to make us think so
I know different
Thunderbirds, they really are
FAB Virgil
I heard someone say
Lady Penelope sits astride a 97 Bonneville
I'd know that hairstyle anywhere
Thunderbird 1 cloaked as a Norton Commando
Thunderbirds 3 and 4
Triumphs the both of them
International rescue comes to town
Something big is going down
Must be
I spied Thunderbird 2
Parked outside the TAB
Stopped and asked Virgil
For an autograph
Told him I liked his Hells Angels costume
And asked if he and Lady P
Were off to a costume party
Then he showed me
The special markings on his arms
Proof he was from International Rescue
And suggested I leave quickly
Clearly something big going down
International Rescue come to town
"Destination: New Covenant"
When we arrived
at our destination,
the place they called
"New Covenant",
we were assigned
fresh armour.
we thought the war
left long and far behind us;
of course,
our ranks had changed,
but our allegiance
for saving contracts
in the between worlds place
was much to our disbelief,
swiftly locked in again.
we were, one must admit
with good humour -
hell-bent, resigned.
Our redeployment
steadfast, some considered
insane, we had no time
to complain.
we, were told to 'man-up'
this was our mission -
so we, the perceived
fallen, unsubtle yet,
viably courageous,
remained
stoically aligned.
"Karma is a b**ch",
the untainted remaining
flaunting their immunity
from return, watching
in their safe sectors
playing their harps,
all chimed.
We saluted,
smiled back at them,
and sardonically
flipped the birds -
we weren't 'tweeting'.
switched on, we were,
in our protection.
Light suits
full commando wings
on display,
we boarded the
supersonic getaway
and at the helm,
The Firm's leader,
the No. 1 Honcho,
the Big Cheese,
the Chief-in-Command
delivers us from...
well, you know the story -
His rank
is very well deserved
earned by blood,
sweat and tears.
Worthy of respect -
over us, he has many years,
seniority, experience.
His instructions
are ultra clear,
some might say,
religious. He's our,
lead stag, we follow, he steers.
He declares, commanding,
loud and sincere,
"Buckle up Legion.
The last battle.
Victory to all.
God speed.
Burning entry
by clouds.
Bury your fear."
(LadyLabyrinth / 2022)
I'm like a SEAL team commando
After several cups of espresso
I like to dive bomb
With great aplomb
A gyrfalcon? I think so
To poach me is illegal
My name evokes the regal
I reach astonishing speed
When I'm ready to feed
You can call me a golden eagle
The moment I walked in on this scorching room,
I saw innocent faces of sorrowful bloom.
You stared at me when I shook everything off,
Holla don’t worry because I can’t be so off.
We spent 5 months of knowing each other,
I’m happy enough with the words that you utter.
You may sometimes don’t get what I want you to do.
Pretty good things are all I want just for you.
I often don’t understand how you always feel,
Seeing your good deeds is contentment and real.
I love that childish mind in your wealthy young age.
A movement of prissiness is such funny beige.
When you wrote sorry in a white crumpled board,
This heart was lacerated by your one holy sword.
You may have not noticed these sacrifices that I’ve done,
One day of change is your realization in down.
I’m your commando in a most fashionable look,
You’re my soldiers who are fearfully all always hooked.
I’m looking forward in your ramp of achievement,
Seeing that white gown in you is so much fulfilment.
There once was a man from Orlando
Who went by the name Fernando Dando
Ran out of laundry soap
What to do, what a dope
Decided to go it commando
AP: Honorable Mention 2026, Honorable Mention 2025
Submitted on August 19, 2018 for contest CELEBRITY LIMERICK sponsored by TANIA KITCHIN - RANKED 10TH
“Knock, knock” “Who’s there?” I haven’t a clue
What day is it? Who’s at my door?
“Here is some breakfast I made just for you”
Says some stranger who slept on my floor
The sight of the eggs and the bacon and tea
Turns my stomach inside upside down
Migraine’s the price that I’ve paid for the glee
Of a banging night out on the town
“‘Ere, it’s New Year, do you fancy a beer?”
“No thanks, mate, I’m feeling quite rough”
I may have blacked out after midnight I fear
But now I’m…remembering…Stuff
Slowly but surely it’s coming to mind
As glimpses emerge from the fog
Of a twist and a twerk and a bump and a grind
And my new Christmas phone down the bog
I thought I was hot but in retrospect not
In the morning light nowt could be plainer
And that I remember I like not a jot
My naked and drunk Macarena
Oh me and my mates, we do get in a state
And last year we gave it some welly
But if anyone had not enough on their plate
We’d do onesies and pizza and telly
My mates are my life, we’re a pretty tight bunch
They’re alright, mate, they’re really all right
But last night I must have been well out to lunch
For I reckon I started a fight…
It was something to do with a girl I once knew
And a joke that she did stuff for money
And a fine upper cut in the queue for the loo
Well, I thought the punch line was funny
Oh, what’s in my pockets, this isn’t my coat
As I’m clearly not Super or Dry
And what are the words that are writ on this note
‘Bell me, baby, you’re totally fly’
And I’m going commando, hilarious bants
Will be had in regards to my loss
Much mirth to be had from the sight of my pants
On the top of the Market Cross
It’s not looking good, and tucked in to my hood
Are two gherkins all wrapped in a bra
Half a kebab and a squashed Christmas pud
And a wing mirror nicked from a car
I think I’m experiencing chemical guilt
And at some point I’ll have to atone
But right now I’m going to hide under my quilt
Crying blubbery tears for my phone
by Gail
Like a mission you came tactically as if you're a hero,
You neutralized my heart intently without hesitation,
Just like a specialized cop you impressed me though,
And like a naive warrior I was fell with your actuation.
I never dare mesmerize you to lead the trail towards me,
Nor entice you just to show I've got a new buddy of my heart,
Nevertheless, I never gambit you to love me by plea,
In fact, you just forcibly enter into my den so smart.
Knowing you're my destiny, I trusted you wholeheartedly,
Believing every words you disclosed, you bewitched me so badly,
But every pieces of your hidden agenda investigated vigorously,
Bingo! I discerned the truth beyond reasonable doubt discreetly.
You are as rogue as insurgent like we used to eliminate,
Such a treacherous kind and sham alibis to totally hate,
You turned my life into a war zone, I don't care about my fate,
There's no other way but to quit before it's too late.
Unknowingly, God is such an enigmatic author to my story,
Since I am a damsel in distress, He sends me a knight in shinin' armour,
From nowhere a tough yet compassionate man crossed the said border,
Piece by piece my torn heart cautiously fixed by that army.
No amount of depths can deter if your intention is pure,
Or either a disaster can intimidate you if your love is true,
Cultures might be a big differences, it's not an obstruction for sure,
Because true love conquers all and torment is about to cure.
Combating the misery I've felt before is quite an inferno,
Yet an intruder sneak the terrain through my being like an ammo,
Invading my camp and save my bloody heart as such a Commando,
And as I open my eyes I realized you're my other half as I know.
A grotesque gamer gobbles gummies grunting gleefully at his game.
Sounds of slaughter spewing from the surround sound speakers.
The cunning commando combats a clearing 'cross countless cretins.
Validating his victory only after violently vanquishing the virtual villains.
The man, the woman, the ship, and the sea.
Don’t you wish we were having camoille tea?
The bachelor, the maid, the valentines day girl,
Don’t you wish we could swish in countrified swirl?
The paint, the brush, the palette and the knife,
Don’t you wish that you were colorful like fife?
The Forests, mountains,oceans, meadows,and prairies,
Don’t you wish we had some milk in our dairies?
The toddler, the three, the five and or six,
Don’ t you wish that we could shuffle board mix?
The Bear, the Belly, and the BumbleBee.
Don’t you wish, you were commando, like me?
The paper, the pencil, the syllables, and such.
Don’t you wish you always had the magic touch?
When acting angry, behavior challenged, enraged, threatening, buly-fied, and mad.
Don’t you wish our parents and teachers would just realize we’re acting out our sad?
Condo Commando Landings
They came in shiny silver saucer shaped air ships
With cylindrical flashing red lights in the night
From Planet New Jersey
Alien space crafts…. I mean .… weather balloons, (according to NASA)
From many light years…. I mean… traffic lights away
Landing in Miami first with a thirst for power
They slithered from the… ‘Weather balloons” in zombie brigades
Heads tilted, drooling, snorting and looking for trouble
Your condominium community is their new headquarters
Condo commandos are here to stay
A cruel fiduciary species without any borders
Going from door to door
Giving owners & tenants lists of rules with magnitudinal orders
Millions of regulations, line item expenses, and assessments
You must fulfill….You will fulfill…you will comply or die!
“Resistance is futile!” They cry…. Or mumble…or moan
Or whatever it is the walking dead do
If you walk on pavements you will be fined
If you have babies they must return to the womb
No plants…. No flowers… No signs on your condos
And keep your doors closed at all times
Don’t think about crime. Don’t ask any questions
And pay your condo dues or be sequestered
June 6th 1944
An Armada masses at Europe's door
Five sector landings, 160,000 troops
On the following beaches, our hero's would swoop
Utah, Omaha, Juno, Sword and Gold
Allow me to write, as my story unfolds
We, 50th Northumbrian Infantry
To repatriate Europe's lost countries
The Devonshire, Hampshire regiments but two
The Allied might in this incredible feud
Beach landing storm, between Le Hamel - Ver sur Mer
Sectors Item, Jig and King
Is where the 79th Armoured would sing
Beachhead established, Mulberry harbour plan
Reaching Bayeux, cut the road to Caen
East we will go, meet with the Canadian troops
Juno Beach they landed in their infantry groups
King sector assault, casualties high
Our tanks now landed, their shells fly
Enemy positions pounded
Men of both die
Jig sector assault, Le Hamel fell
Village by village, only time will tell
Creully and Crepon reached and taken
Forsaken
Item sector, commando strong
Harbour to take, enemy thrawn
Important target, supplies to land
Eventual demise of this German stand
From this landing, our masses advanced
Through deadened lands, i never glanced
To absorb the sights that i witnessed there
To look ahead, no stop no stare
As i sit at home and close my eyes
Not knowing whether to despise
Being in the middle of carnage hell
Our Hero's fell, but I'm here to tell
" Dedicated to Stanley Elton Hollis - the one and only recipient
of the Victoria Cross on D-Day June 6th 1944, but they are all hero's "
http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/war-2.php