Best Comedians Poems
One
Chloee? Yes Reginald!
Why do they call us Dachshunds, Wiener Dogs?
Maybe they call you a Wiener Reginald!
You cut me off at the legs with that one Chloee!
Two
Chloee? Yes Reginald! Have you ever smelled mothballs.
No Reginald it's too difficult to spread their tiny legs.
My that was a low blow Chloee. You wish Reginald, you wish!
Three
Reginald? Yes Chloee! I was at the park with my owner playing
Frisbee. As I watched the Frisbee I wondered why it was getting
bigger and bigger as it came towards me than it hit me.
Four
Chloee? Yes Reginald!
I was just lying down in the park the other day watching a Labrador
chasing his tail an' I thought ain't that amazing how easily amused
Labradors are! Then I realized I was watching the Labrador chase his tail.
Five
Reginald? Yes Chloee! I've written a poem it goes like this.
"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme. And some don't!"
Six
Chloee? Yes Reginald! I was at a restaurant, I ordered a chicken sandwich,
but I don’t think the waitress understood me. Because she said,
“How would you like your eggs?” So I tried to answer her anyhow. I said,
“Incubated! And then raised, and then beheaded, and then plucked,
and then cut up, and then put onto a grill, and then put onto a bun.
Damn! It’s gonna take a while. I don’t have time. Scrambled!”
The Finale
A Dachshund walks under a bar. I mean walks into a bar. Goes to the
bar and sits down. Asks the bartender "can I have a Budweiser Light
Beer" the bartender serves him and informs him "that will be seven dollars".
The Dachshund pays. The bartender keeps looking at the Dachshund.
Finally the Dachshund yells "What?" The bartender explains "no I'm
sorry we just never get Dachshunds in this bar." The Dachshund replies
"I'm not surprised...at seven dollars for a beer..."
The Encore
Reginald? Yes Chloee! When you cut your nails, do you file them?
Yes Chloee as a matter of fact I do! Pity! I just throw mine out!
Curtains!
01~10~2015
Sponsor: rob carmack
Contest: Daschunds
Good stand up comedians are a very rare breed
That's why this guy stands out, hilarious indeed
He's Brian Reagan
A fantastic comedian
His humour is unusual and totally unique
© Jack Ellison 2015
When Comedians Marry
Comics juggle three rings when they wed
On trampoline bed they start a circus
Keep gold bands on hand while thinking zany thoughts
The comic husband wears two condoms all the time
To find the little things in life that matter
The rubbers glow in the dark of course
With funny clown shapes and faces growing large
Expandable figurines as you might figure
There is no telling what might pop up in bed
Jokes bounce off the walls when jumping around
Sex is hard on landings
Funny partners exchange zingers all night long
Are never nude or in the raw
Wear clothes during sex to save some time
That can cause performance issues and chaffing
And applause during intermissions
He sports a hunter’s outfit with iron boots
To boost the trampoline bounce
Naturally there is a bazooka to keep things up
Fingers point in all directions while trying to score
She wears layers of winter coats, pink umbrellas, for a joke
Both swing on chandeliers with smiles
It helps them to unwind, remember lines before they mate
Comedians sometimes fake orgasms
It's not easy when you're laughing
And when married, even funnier than car crashes
It’s odd how people who think they are funny,
Confuse humor with offensive ridicule.
Saying hurtful, empty and shallow comments,
Pretending it’s all April fool.
Not standing behind what they say, or
Taking the blame for the hurt they cause.
Saying “Hey I was only joking, they’re not even here.”
As though that’s a moral escape clause.
These folks that lack this empathy and care,
Not understanding how hurtful their words are,
Don’t see how people simply endure their opinion,
Protecting personal and emotional scars.
They joke about folks more often than not,
When these folks aren’t even there.
Rather than put the effort into being good, they’re two faced,
About others they just don’t care.
They’re convinced they’re funny, clever and smart,
Often saying things to feel superior.
Not admirable by being grand and noble, but
By mocking, pushing others to inferior.
Sadly one day these hurtful fiends will be forced to take heed,
And peer into the mirror of their soul.
There they will see where others have love in their heart,
All they have is black hearted charcoal.
Comedians exploit the people's need,
to have themselves a good laugh to escape their harsh reality.
If the environment were changed to one where everyone benefits,
feeling melancholy or depressed would cease to exist,
making comedians obsolete or at the very least jobless.
I hear in the Ukraine
there's a comedian
with no prior political experience
who has become their new President.
I wonder
they did not hear
we tried this model in the U.S.
a couple years ago
With predictable tragic/comedic results
not the least bit friendly
to public multicultural health
sold out
to support feudal monoculturing wealth
of not so funny kleptocrats.
If you think whatever anyone says, is true,
There is something horribly wrong with you.
Grown adults know there are good, and
also, some twisted folks.
They laugh when an honorable person is
destroyed by despicable, untrue jokes.
In a world of media, the propoganda fools
the best of our people.
Jokes hide murderous intentions~a brain
is needed…not a tall steeple!
These “harmless “people, they are actually
going to the polls to vote?
How dangerous this is~ like going out in the
winter.minus a coat!
Viciousness, a vice, in great abundance,
Hitler and his youth had it to the max!
So 17 million Jews were killed as poeple
did not know opinion from fact.
A good comedian does not destroy anyone
with smears nor irresponsible lies.
But those who think opinions are facts…
are dangerous people in disguise.
10/20/2024
comedians & magicians
from the first light that glows upon
the single stool, glass filled with the
comedian’s drink of choice, all
set next to one mic alone,
there is nothing but anticipation in
the room,
no matter how dank,
no matter how drunk the audience is---
the comedian promises
at least the possibility of smiles &
laughter.
this we know,
because we have laughed at jokes before &
it feels good to laugh,
it makes us smile &
as humans, our stress goes away,
if only for those brief moments,
when we are captivated by the mastery of
wit, which the brilliant comedian
wields.
now a magician,
one who does not rely on props,
one who does not promise to make landmarks
disappear,
one who deals strictly in the street,
one who works with deception with the sole intention
of amazing us &
opening our eyes wide with
wonder.
Penguins are hilarious, they walk at attention
Like a regiment of soldiers, nature's comedians
An image so funny
Humorous and funky
Forever performing time and again
Some of the most successful of comedians
are actually very miserable, depressed human beings.
They evoke laughter not so much because they are funny
or because that's the way that they earn their money.
They feel good about themselves when laughter upon us they evoke
and get some temporary relief from feeling like a miserable bad joke.
Comedians
Batman is alone in the rain
Sits on a swing
Moving to and thro reflecting upon life
Why he has to be different
A mask which covers his nose.
Why can he not be like George Clooney
Were a suit
And be married to a lawyer?
He wore a suit once it was brown
But was totally ignored.
It was only now that he wears
A silly outfit
Climbing walls and catching thieves
He gets seen.
“Clowns are born boring,” reflects
As rain drops down
His funny nose.
I think it's genius
when a person can
see beyond the veil
as they used their gifts
in the most creative way,
in imperiling the darkness
in a jesting way.
This is what we call comedy.
There are many but
few will dare to speak out.
The few to speak out
are the most noble ones
with the heart of a lion.
Bernie Mac,
Dave Chappelle,
Kat Williams,
Eddie Griffin,
Richard Pryor,
Jim Carrey,
Redd Foxx,
Lenny Bruce,
Dick Gregory,
The Smothers Brothers,
There's more,
but I would like to say, gratitude
for carrying the torch
of illumination in
exposing the darkness.
Thank you for never
backing down when the
odds were against you
as you stared into
the face of temptation.
Heart pumping faster
than a cheater chasing
it victim. Blood on
the borderline of hypertension.
Out of the blue,
things became peculiar,
and frightening, as their
intuition, forewarned them,
ahead of time. Leaving
them in a state of distress,
they became agitated and startled.
As these events were unexpected,
it lead them, not to trust anyone
again, but it was to late.
Spiritually, they received
their rewards for their
bravery and courage deeds.
There's only a few of
them that still persist,
as the hyenas secretly
tries to silence them.
They don’t make ‘em like Henny Youngman no more
Borsht-belt comedians, vaudevillians before
Delivered punch lines one after another and another
Rat-a-tat-tat-touille ~ their tongues just like rubber
Natural Born Comedians
I had a class of sixth graders in Chicago,
Absolutely like no other.
Never a class so full of smiles and
hilarious pranks.
Their boundless joy rolled over me like
a huge Sherman tank.
I think they had their own student
lesson plan book,
Whose main topic was: "Let's make
Mrs. R. look like a schnook."
Don't ever tell them, please promise?
It was the best year of my life.
Anyway, I got all the silly kids no
teacher wanted.( The tight-***ed
teachers, I mean.)
To me, these children were sunbeams
of joy in my life, each day undaunted!
At times, they made me laugh so hard.
They were far more creative than any
Second City Improv.
So thank you God for a class of sparkling
sunbeams you gave me for a year.
Only one thing remained on my desk
when they all were gone!
Stillness, silence, empty chairs,
And the splash of my salty tears falling
on my barren desk!
Panagiota Romios
3/22/2019
Good stand up comedians are a very rare breed
That's why this guy is quite hilarious indeed
He's Brian Reagan
A fantastic comedian
His humour is unusual and totally unique