Best Butts Poems
Under the bleachers, I do declare.
Some undergarments and underwear.
All exposed with little fear.
Will anyone see? It's not real clear.
Little Johnny plots with rubber bands.
While all these butts become his fans.
These rubber bands, they soon will fly.
Spectators will jump up for the sky.
He strikes at will, the sting they bring.
Both hands they cup, on buns they cling.
Little Johnny laughs, heads for the hills.
The screams he hears, does give him thrills.
Ned was grandma's billy goat,
The meanest goat in town;
Every time you crossed his path,
He'd try to butt you down!
Buddy was our neighbor,
A twisted lil' teen;
He always nagged that billy goat,
For that's what made him mean!
Fate caught up to Buddy,
We had an awful scare;
He slipped on muddy soil,
With his butt in open air!
Ned saw his target,
"KA-THUD!!"...was all we heard;
Buddy flew across the way,
I could swear he passed a turd!
Buddy tried to squeeze himself,
Between a wooden gate;
Mercy failed to comprehend,
By then, it was all too late!
Trapped like a weary mouse,
Bud's rump in open view;
Ned landed fifty thumps,
His butt turned black n' blue!
It took us all to save him,
Talk about a battered fig;
All the while he was screamin',
Like a frightened little pig!
Hot baths and epsom salts,
A lesson Buddy gained;
He slept beneath a ceiling fan,
To ease his throbbing pain!
Oh, what a laughing stock,
We teased him constantly;
"BILLY GOAT!!", we'd often cry,
Just to watch him flee!
A big butt is my sister’s curse
Her landmark is legend of verse
Small minds would unwrap
As sun it would sap
Her clothes need a map to transverse
you see its you look
you get hook
you won't touch
you so its so much
sometime you get
its
SEX AND BIG BUTT
They say in life you should start at the bottom and work your way up
Butt your bottoms in the middle, I’m betwixt, in between
Well that’s a bit of a bummer which way do I turn
My only saving grace is your bottom is so gorgeous
So I’m in no rush to pull away
The view is unbelievable, what an amazing pair of cheeks
So rounded and alluring I’m always taking a peek
For all I ever want to do is admire and caress
Each cheek lovingly filling the palm of my hands
I gently need away, as you do with dough
Just the texture is more softer resembling more a fruit you know
The feels not that of a melon, too round and hard
Perhaps a little smaller like a lemon or a lime
But they taste sour and your bums nothing like that
What about a plum, I must be getting close
Don’t be silly you’ve already got your plums in your sack
I’ve only gone and cracked it
What a lovely peach of a bum you have; I can vouch for that.
Certainly. There's lotsa stuff
that's no more.
Certainty, like death, is forever.
Change stops when you're dead.
Change does just that, keeps changing.
You can give up smoking
yet you can't give up changing.
Gave up smokin' fifty years ago.
Cigarettes, ash trays, things of my past.
There's something about ashes
everyone eventually ends up there.
Many of us make ashes of ourselves.
These Ifs surely can get ya.
And those Ands keep comin'.
But the Butts
no more for me.
Funny how this works.
Certainty, good riddance.
No Ifs Ands or Butts.
19 Lines Free Verse 93 Words October 2022
Pen illustration G. Gaul
Little Jonny returns with a brand-new toy.
He’s back under the bleachers, this naughty little boy.
He’s got a cattle prod that he has named King Tut.
It’s fully charged and ready to zap someone in the butt.
He looks front to back and side to side.
He spots a plump quarter moon and smiles with pride.
It’s little Susie’s Mom as she sits and cheers.
Little Jonny gets ready, as if he’s throwing a spear.
Little Jonny takes aim and plunges it deep.
A quarter moon bullseye right between the cheeks.
He cries out in joy, this sure is fun!
She screams in pain and little Jonny runs.
The moral of this story is be mindful of your third eye.
When you sit in those bleachers be sure to get up high.
You never know when little Jonny shows up to take a peek.
Always pull your pants up and never show your cheeks.
November 23, 2020
Make Me Laugh With Some Humor - Any Form - New Poems Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Bud's Butts, have become a profound
thought and display of art, from his natural
touch. Come one, Come all to The Bud
Royers Cafe, in Roundtop,Texas. And
Inhale Bud's Butts. Truly, you will leave
elated and fulfilled from his wonderous
Art Of Cooking and Loving Diningroom
Pure Thoughts.
No big butts for him. He liked her slim.
Turn around, turned on, he couldn’t deny it,
when she slipped on those padded briefs.
She modeled those steamy lacy undies
and now he loves, even more, of his wife.
8/31/2022
Butts and iffs
Too bee or knot two bee,
When hole poetree can bee red strait,
Why mite we sale on the stormy waive ?
Too bee or knot two bee,
Throwns waited for there mitey kings,
Morning there death butt time would sing,
Two bee or knot too bee,
Queen that rained(reigned) till cheque was maid,
Umpires are lost in mad love race,
Any lessens learnt ?
It was her beau tea,
he chose to dye for ?
Or the throwns or umpires that were so mimely ?
Pure love had one ( won) !
Written August 14th, 2015
For contest "Don't fight it- write it" by John
Precisely why are we here today
working out butts off for so little pay
When will we have universal basic income
For that, let's get out there and bang the drum
Work can be tedious, deadly, demeaning
especially when it's arduous scrubbing and cleaning
They say that 'Hard work's never hurt anyone'
What if we find out ~ They're totally wrong!
Life should never include ifs, ands, or butts
Especially the butts, they're made for those who lust
There's something about anuses
Attached to gorgeous waitresses
Maintain your composure, remain calm you must
An A.P.* who was filling in
To read aloud on Zoom
Just grabbed a book his own kids faved
And thereby met his doom.
The second graders loved it
But it didn’t make the cut
With his boss, because the title talked
Of needing a new butt.
The humor’s aimed at children
And describes, in certain parts,
The different types of derrieres
And also talks of farts.
Reluctant readers sometimes need
Such talk to be inspired
But still, the one who read it
Found out he had gotten fired.
This happened while America
Was celebrating reading
And surely censorship like this
Is not what kids are needing.
*Assistant principal
I’m surely not the only one
Who finds this hard to use
And whether it is needed
Will produce conflicting views.
Yet when in a public restroom
I will often face defeat
When I try to use the paper cover
For the toilet seat.
As I peel one from the package,
In the process it might tear,
But it still could serve its purpose
If it only ended there…
Though the bigger problem happens,
Even if there is no rush,
When I place it on the seat and then
The toilet starts to flush.
Of course, the cover’s sucked away
So do I start again?
I do not because what I was taught,
Since I remember when
Is to simply crouch above the seat -
No contact should be made.
Therefore even with no cover,
No one’s cooties can invade.
The jig was up
and the seller got the shaft
as the fletcher (all a-quiver)
pricing feathers (more arrows for to craft)
saw the target total cost (legal tender)
as sky-high (yet altho' not immoral)
let fly and shot his bolt (at the vender)
which started quite the quirky quarrel