Best Aussie Poems
Aussie Roulette
50 years ago we had a sport
Of the deadly dangerous sort
Fight a Tiger snake just one
Quick as lightning in the sun
Used just once a post hole shovel
6 foot long was the handle
Running barefoot with the Tiger
Banded black n brown, a gamble?
Adrenaline ignites, terrifys!!!
Up the handle 5 foot tries
3 strikes each the 5 foot bugger
Deadly battle, won another
Fang marks on the handle sit
Near my hand where he had bit
Don’t fight old Tiger he may win
Stupidity it is a sin!
Don Johnson
Hindsight says don't play with snakes.
My Tiger was launching 5 foot all his body at me, incredible because he was
racing alongside me at the time.
Cattle Drive
Roll over a bit in me swag
Get some bones clear of the ground
Dew is on us swag cover is wet
Dingo is howling around
The cattle are camped in the corner
The frogs are croaking, smile creeps
Old horse has the nose bag on
Oats n the chaff for his keep
Fox has his nose in the camp oven
Cattle dog snarls n he freaks
Fox has blurted and gone now
Cattle dog goes back to sleep
At daylight we are catching the horses
Hobbles come off as they squeak
Saddle and mount a grumpy horse
be unloaded, you’re bloody weak :)
Old horse drops his head again smartly
Pigroots around the flat
Stay with him mate it’s only
oats causing springing like that.
Cattle move on down the Stockroute
15 mile a day cross water n creeks
40 mile to the railhead Darby
The Shielas are waiting so sweet.
Don Johnson
Hey Babe
I know the feeling Im a whiz at computers been using since 1990 .
My little laptop has inbuilt webcam i record from.
I was using a usb type video camera ...which worked well.
Do make an effort to put you on you tube ...
there is lots of crappity crap there so you will be welcomed there ..
i have 190 poems n talking too...just good fun its what i do...love
Don
In the land of Oz, we're all fair dinkum,
Every bloke, Sheila and Healer too.
By crikey mate, if you get us started,
You'll regret the day I guarantee you.
In bonza days some may call hard yakka,
With an esky chockers and a barbie that blares.
Strewth! I tell you even our bogans are grouse,
Where else can you find platypodes and Koala Bears?
So spend an arvo or two and don't be a bludger,
Smoke a durry and blow the froth off a few.
You'll be saying "Man, that was a bloody ripper",
So get off your dunny and tell a furphy or two!
If you're thinkin' of comin' over, but not too sure,
Just have a go, ya mug, you may just find.
The best place to go walkabout and make new friends,
But don't be a goose and leave your goon bag behind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We're as Aussie as "You Beaut",
We're as Aussie as the Holden ute.
We're as Aussie as a kangaroo,
We're as Aussie as we're "True Blue".
An Aussie Bush Pee
Now! Have you ever tried to have a pee?
while squatting down and hiding in the bush.
But first, must pull your jeans and undies down
while all the time you’re showing off your toosh.
You grab your jeans and undies in one hand
to keep them out the way before you go.
While balanced in a squat your legs apart
you think you’re ready to then let it flow.
But! as it starts you then begin to squirt
it everywhere except upon the ground.
And then you realize you cannot stop
pee on your legs, your jeans, and all around.
You try to hold it back while you then change
position of your squat will be the plan.
You curse and swear, but then it squirts again
it’s time like this you wish you were a man.
Undo their zip and let it all hang out
before they start just hold it in their hand.
And then direct the flow just where they want
‘Cause they can take a pee while they still stand.
But no! For me I have to try and squat
on wobbly legs while trying not to fall.
Then as I go, I know I’ll wet my pants,
but how to stop it I have bugger all.
So! Next time when I am out in the bush
and need to pee; I’ll strip off all my clothes.
I’ll stand up straight, pretend I am a man
And maybe only pee upon my toes.
But wait! I have now found the perfect seat
that I can use when I need a bush pee.
No longer need to squat and squirt it out
I’ll take my new ‘bush dunny seat’ with me.
Christine ©
A farmer met a wizard who was wearing odd regalia
The wizard gave him seed of magic carrots from Australia
You sow them just like normal but they all grow upside down
The leaves will grow like roots, the carrots stick out of the ground
The farmer dug and rotavated, levelled off the soil
He was super motivated, those seeds mustn’t spoil
He worked so hard, that shovel he was pushing and a shoving
When he was done his back was bad and now he’s good for nothing
Those magic carrots, upside down, all turned out to be beauties
But poor old farmer’s stuck indoors on lightweight household duties
He’s standing in the kitchen where he’s washing pans and pots
His wife is in the carrot field and smiling as she squats
Picnic time Aussie style
Picnic time 12 noon, is dinner time
Was had beside the river
We would grill our lamb chops
On pieces of fencing wire
Quartpot was all a quiver
Tea was cast into the old Quartpot
When the water almost boiled
And boiling tea still I can see
Tastes different I recall
Building the fire
watch the death adders ire
if you pick him up with the wood
foot long death, invisible yes
city dwellers often caught, it’s not good
If the Geegar ant gets in your pants (tiny black ant)
You will know he is there in a bit
And the Bullant one inch
Will bite like a pinch (pain)
His mates will attack,
you are it Don Johnson
Ah yes them little geegars
will bite n smite you well
and bullants come like an army
advancing into hell
If you get ants in your pants
it is no fun, the geegars are biting now
you are grabbing gripping awful ants
until you get the cow
Yes little death adder you don't see till you step on him, then both ends
head and tail strike at your foot. If you saw em first you stomped on the head.
The Brown snake the most common you will see, his head neck can flare
a bit like old Cobra, and he will kill you quicker......cheers mate.....Don
Russell Sivey
Contest Name Good Luck Meal
Aussie Drover’s tucker
Build your fire upwind of the billy,
If you want it to more than shepherd boil,
Thick slabs of Corn meat n damper, (camp oven bread)
with a drop of tomato sauce,
Or corn meat fritters fried on the coals,
In kidney fat of course,
A billy full of Bushels tea,
Just sitting on a log,
And banana fried well, fritters,
Washed down with some tea or grog,
Sometimes .
On New year’s days a droving .
Tripping through the sand
In a pair of Aussie thongs,
Boogie board in hand
Singing Aussie songs.
Davo’s got the beer.
Out of kiddies reach
What a day we’re gonna to have
It’s Christmas on the beach.
Oh, Christmas time, Christmas time
Christmas by the shore
A good old Aussie Christmas.
It’s Christmas time once more
The sun is very hot.
There is no shade around
so we gather up our stuff
And move to higher ground.
We settle neath the trees.
In a folding metal chair
Plenty shade, but there’s no breeze
But really, we don’t care
Oh Christmas time, Christmas time
All the family’s here
To celebrate our Christmas
Like we do every year
Davo came by car.
With Marie John and Jane
Granny from afar
She came by aeroplane
Joe lives up the street.
He brought his wife and kids
And even in this awesome heat,
They wouldn’t miss for quids
Oh, Christmas time, Christmas time
Christmas without snow
We love our Aussie Christmas.
It really is a show
Oh, Christmas time Christmas time
Christmas is a ball
We love our Aussie Christmas
Here’s Joy to one and all.
A flathead once carried in his tuckerbag a grinder
So hungry he sat at a fair dinkum binder
But he won't trust his eyes
When a fellow donkey arrives
To eat up all the remainder
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Aussie-Talk: A tuckerbag is a bag carrying food by a swagman (= hobo)
A binder is a solid meal
Fair dinklum means excellent
A flathead is a fool
A donkey is a stupid person
I am the bushland dawning
in the stillness of the morning
I am the sunlit plains
and the mighty river's flow
I'm the drought and I'm the flood
I'm the earth and I'm the blood
I'm the breezes ever blowing
where the wild pandanas grow
I'm the stockman and the drover
and I've walked this land all over
and I share forgotten secrets
that the wild ones only know
I'm the dust of outback trails
I'm the wind that fills the sails
I'm the city and the country
and the first high mountain snow
I'm the Murray River flowing
and the cattle softly lowing
I'm the kangaroo and emu
and the sunset's orange glow
I'm the Southern Cross at night
the explorer's guiding light
I'm the place that tells the traveller
that it's better to go slow
I am Banjo and I'm Lawson
I am Kelly and I'm Mawson
I am the Melbourne Cup
and the Sydney Easter Show
I am wild and still untamed
and there's beauty in my name
I am the land Australia
where the lucky people go.
From my PDF book "Bush Ballads and Bulldust"
Slouch Hat
When you see the hat or hear the tune so fair,
you'll know what its about.
The old "Slouch hat" that our Digger's wear,
and the "Waltzing Matilda" no doubt.
Yes we have some pride in what we've done,
of the convict blood in this race.
We'll never be happy unless we've won,
to lose is a big disgrace.
Whenever asked, well we've been there,
to aid our friends in a War.
Our boys they've died, yes died with flair,
since the Breaker fought the Boer.
Well now we're multicultural, mixed, all sorts,
but all Aussies any rate.
New Aussies can be good at sports,
so say "Good on you mate."
It doesn't matter how smart you are,
don't try politics, be a clown.
You can be very popular,
till the newsmen pull you down.
Character assassination is their trade,
they cut tall poppies short.
Brainwashing by the sentence made,
they got Bondy didn't they sport?
When you see our Diggers on a farewell parade,
all races so proudly march there .
And the Waltzing Matilda so loudly is played,
it picks up your feet with its flair.
The Bayonets are fixed and Sabres displayed
for the Diggers its walking on air.
They're off to do battle with the tools of their trade,
the young and the brave proudly there.
by D H Johnson.
________________________________________
Ryan Jackson
Contest Name Animals on your mind...
Aussie Blue Heeler
Seen em strike, brown snakey type,
When cattle dogs are near,
Seen the bite cut off the hide,
With bloody sheep shearing shears.
Saved dogs life?
Seen brown snakes pulled from logs,
hunting cattle dog, blue heelers,
Seen dogs eating brown snakes, alive,
Scales n all, Blue demon dealer.
Blue heeler used to get the Scrubber, (wild cattle)
Back in the bloody herd,
The runner got nipped on his heels,
Therein blue heeler word.
Religious types came to me ,
The blue dogs intercepted,
Snapping at their heels they were,
left , without a blessing.
Snarling guard dog he will bite,
Right about your heel,
Faithful watchful a delight,
And then your heart he’ll steal.
Don Johnson 22-june-11
THE AUSSIE WAY
large family yule
big bird on christmas table
ostrich with stuffed pouch
From the sands of Palm Beach
To Uluru and Barrier Reef,
In the large caverns of Jenolan
When I've climbed on down beneath,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.
When I climb The Three Sisters
They seldom have their say,
The quietest girls I've ever met
Rockin' up Katoomba way,
Or when I'm on the Nullabor
With the heat and pesky flies,
I'm seldom left feelin' flat
Even when the engine dies,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.
When I'm fishin' at Hat Head
And the blighter takes the bait,
Or when I'm on the Spirit
Goin' cross Bass Strait,
Once when in the Daintree
Findin' where that rare bird went,
Or when I'm in the Dandenongs
Tryin' to pitch my tent,
You see I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
That I'm a flamin' Aussie
I feel it through and through.
As I cross this vast country
I realsise I might be lackin' sleep,
I think I need new sandshoes
Swear blind I'm wearing out my feet,
Still I always get this feelin'
No matter what I do,
Green and gold gets me excited
Even though I feel true blue.
Aussie Mousse
Do not heed to the woman doing your hair
Mousse Styli santé ' committing one hard stare
Sprays raid every time she speaks Sally & Sheila,
keep your bottle above the temperature peak.
Aussie style, alcohol free verse
All the hairspray in the world
Will never shy away your phat
Splat ‘splat’, your ignorance is fat
Pick up that double chin,
My good friend'
All that blubber!
Will never burns like rubber!
Here is a buck, Color your hair blue
Like the horizon in the sky
That picture on your wall will never do
Something in your right eye' is a lie'
Shed off a few pounds Add some flexible support to your Wonderbra
Your hairs all flaky Your hairs all sticky How about adding,
Aussie to maintain that look?
Your old one's wearing off
3-29-12