Best Alimony Poems
~~ Divorce Club~~
Haiku * divorce trip *
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broken promises
eclipse of the sun and moon
dreams that fall like leafs.
Limerick * never settle*
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Like a gun to my head of course
I married the end of a horse
love was never real,
kids no big deal.
Wow! I gain more money after divorce!
Couplet * forever vows *
------------
I meant them words "for better or worse" during our holy matrimony
The better now has hit me, once the Court ordered alimony:-)
by;p.d.
**OKAY I'M NOT GOOD AT EXAMPLES**
With no toilet seats carelessly left propped up
Oh, now I can be such a comfortable pup
Please take your Playboys straight out that open door
Then shut it quickly; I can take no more!
Be gone with you, take all your shoes
Your hairspray, make-up and your girly blues
Three weeks of the month you loved me fair
For the other week, I lived in fear
MY shoes? Why you foul beast! Your odor eaters
Didn't work! Your smelly boots rest in sewers
Where they belong with that greasy hair goo
That left ugly stains on pink pillows once new
Your pants were too tight, I couldn't get them off
I can now wear my own; no longer you'll scoff
And as for your cooking my health has improved
Your name on the rent book, phew! finally removed
The credit card tab from your pub is gone now, too
That hussy barmaid can deliver it to you
And your shavings that clogged up my bathroom sink
Will be mailed to your mistress fast as you can blink
At least she knew how to look after a man
In bed with you was like a flash in the pan
At least barmaid Betty purred when this Highlander taunted
She was sensuous, delectable and she knew what she wanted
I'll remember you most when viewing pond scum
You sure were a loathsome son of a gun
I'm leaving this pit, too, so what the heck?
I'll send a new address for the alimony check
You'll get your money like you earned it before
Dancing naked on the pole in the floor
I took you in, clothed, cared and fed
But it wasn't me that was in your bed
Hydro bill
Visa bill
Food bill
Toilet paper bill
Heating bill
Wine bill
Car bill
Phone bill
Clothing bill
Duck bill
Buffalo bill
Entertainment bill
Anti acids tablets bill
Insurance bill
Bar bill
House bill
Weed bill
Bakery bill
Starbucks bill
Medical bill
Psychotic drugs bill
Dental bill
Legal bill
( for murdering dentist)
Lawn bill
Maid bill
Sexy maid bill
Super sexy maid bill
Misc hookers bill
Feminists lawsuit bill
Internet bill
Cable bill
Speeding ticket bill
Second speeding ticket bill
(to pay first bill)
Drivers license bill
Tic-Tac bill
Kidney replacement bill
Second wine bill
Netflix bill
Barber bill
Uber bill
Russian translation bill
Predator Bill
Y-Bush bill
Donald Trump
Assassination bill
Legal bill
Alimony bill
Stormy bill
By the way,
Have you felt the stick today?
Missed a child support payment or alimony?
How’s it feel to live in the land of the free?
By the way,
Can you afford the heat?
Does your daily menu include gene-altered meat?
How’s it feel to have no choice;
to be run by a government
who won’t hear your voice?
By the way,
have you paid for the water you drink;
because you don’t trust, the kitchen sink’s?
How does it feel to be so free;
to raise your hand to take a pee;
to be arrested and detained
to receive no trial but a waterboards’ pain?
How’s it feel to live in the land of the free;
to have your passport chipped
and your phone calls clipped?
Does anyone live in this mythical land?
If you do, please lend us a hand.
Tell us how to take care of our children
and the sick.
How to live a good life without carrying the stick.
Please, please, tell me how to be proud
of the world we live in right now.
Digital currency, the alternative to real cash,
decentralized crypto currency, that can be securely stashed.
No need for a bank, no central authority,
worldwide currency exchanges, this means no digital minorities.
Encrypted digital wallets on smart phones and computers,
you can by tickets, dinner, or investigate another dark net user.
The first BitCoin purchase was a pizza pepperoni,
the acrimonial cicerone of matrimonial alimony.
In other words the price will be paid for separating from the central authorities,
the banks, the global financial powers and whoever else can afford to BE.
Has BitCoin been tainted by SilkRoad and money laundering schemes,
or will the power of cash and credit cards come under the same scrutiny?
Economist wants to stop the misuse of BitCoin and maximize profits,
but there are powers and other interest who only want to stop it.
Paying your taxes with BitCoin may one day be a reality,
the internet of things and the dark net, we are interconnected by technology.
Dieting
sure enough
lost five pounds the first week
no money back
no money back the next 51 either
dr.slim getting rich
cold turkey
the only way to go on a diet
yes says dr. slim
but put it between two slices of bread
and you’re screwed
the world
is full of starving people
so says t.v.
it’s terrible says marge
stuffing down her 4th taco
Lost
last night playing poker
i lost everything
my mortgage my car
and yes you *****
your alimony check too
lost childhood
mother hubbard
boy blue
the entire familiar crew
and adultery doesn’t help the now
Dave Austin
The façade of content that you see
Disguises a brewing pot of misery
Hidden deep inside his empty soul
Devoid of passion that life has stole
Making love only to his left hand
While she sleeps beside another man
The pale, impression from a wedding band
Discarded inside the bed nightstand
Seeing his children just once a week
A source of advice they no longer seek
The prospects for improvement look rather bleak
Alimony slaps him on the other cheek
He has felt the noose around his neck
But hasn’t stepped off of the chair, yet
He has tasted the nozzle of his gun
But has kept the safety latch turned on
The façade of content that you see
Keeps his life of pain a mystery
If that façade ever comes crumbling down
You better pack your bags and get out of town
They broke up
Irreconcilable differences
After twenty years together
No further comments will be made
Some admired them for the length of their relationship
Even though they never wed.
She said of him
He’s a guy’s guy.
I won’t marry because
I am too afraid of taking him for granted
Or him taking me for granted
Our children and our property bind us
I can’t say it’s always been comfortable
But we are really good friends.
He said
Our conversations were honest
Heated sometimes
But we always got along
The lawyers are working it out
There are issues that need to be straightened out
Mostly financial stuff
Like alimony and child care
But we’re still friends
Is this about the refuge life,
Leaking the essentials of being submissive…
Or shall the death defy your conscience
In being a human
Imagine the world without eyes
That sans a tiger, a cuckoo, and humanity
Kill the trees, dethrone the kings of jungle
For it seems the idea of thy existence
And now shall thou laugh,
Splintering the grins of progress
A time shall come
even thy smile will be pungent
“I wish” reiterates itself
In an infinite loop
To the screams and knuckles
Of a blemished self-indulgence
Your sanity goes beneath the surface
So does thy shelter
Thy mother nature you seek’d to conform,
To captivate and disassemble
The one that thou sought as a humble alimony
Comes back to seek the answers of questions that were long forlorn
And you’re numb for thy dumbness
so hapless you are
Here goes the world in tatters of pride
and you wait for thy death
lips closed and eyes open wide….
I tapped into my messages; the gas
company wanted a piece of me, and
my ex wanted to know when the
month’s alimony would be arriving.
But it was the last message which
caught my attention the most; Big Foot,
the wrestler, wanted to meet me for
lunch the following day, at The Big Burger,
on east 14th street at noon.
Who was I to turn him down? A 50 caliber
showman with a WWA win list as long as
your arm, and a five million dollar contract,
with a major west coast TV station.
I cleared my appointments for late morning
and early afternoon, the following day, and
laid out my jeans and WWA T-shirt and a couple
of indigestion tabs, with BF’s appetite in mind.
It was about 11.45am, when I drove up to the
Big Burger’s orange and purple frontage and
past the helium-filled, giant airborne, polythene
burger, floating forty feet up in the clear blue,
summer sky.
The place was quiet, a few truckers and an old
couple, talking and munching their burgers and
fries, off their plastic, melamine plates.
The air conditioning was welcome; the sweat
slowly froze, then disappeared from the middle
of my chest: but it was a news report which
caught my attention, on the overhead TV.
“Bigfoot announces retirement and unveils plan
to open shelter for bigfoot families and abused
bigfoot wives in Alaskan wilderness.”
Then the main door swung open and he walked in with
the biggest grin I had ever seen, and approached my table,
all seven feet of him, took my hand and shook it.
”Well kid, it’s all go from here,” he said, thumbing at the TV.
“I’m giving you across the board publishing and screen writing rights.
I‘ve never forgotten how you helped me, get where I am today,
partner.”
I closed my eyes and mumbled inside, “Thank you God.” And we ate
our burgers, he ate five, and spent the next two hours making plans for,
“The Return of Bigfoot to the Wild”
Don't Look Under the Bed
- by Bob Atkinson
..........Oliver Goldsmith tells the story ....
out walking for his health
a man spied his friend of years on pathway
how "are you sir?" he asked with smile
"not well" the gent replied back, looked terrified
"... what happed sir to create this stir
you seem so stressed this day
do you feel under the weather
perhaps you should stand in shade? ..."
the man then told his story
one of dubious glory
had come home early yesterday
and found his wife not at her work
lying without on her bed
no stitch of clothes or hat on head
had looked down and seen some shoes
not his size, but a style he knew
looking further had seen his friend
under the bed with open hand
covering body parts unnamed
a context which him inflamed
"... hmmmm the first man perused
this situation's not so unusual
a fix of gross proportions
one of life's heartless distortions
the gent began to lament
how he's sending wife to mother
divorcing within the week
slapping her with lawyer on each cheek
his friend then held up hand to stop
this track of mind which he thought
not a path one should take
in this situation of disgrace
"friend," he said with saddened tone
"you have no witness on your own
just your word against your lover
should you really send her to her mother?
your word against her own
you'll alimony pay through the nose
and half your wealth will be disposed
to this woman of lover spoken
best never again look under her bed
when you come home you should slam
front door hard to make some noise
yell 'Honey I'm Home' loudly in bright tones"
thus, the gent saw sense in this
went home with smile to his sweetness
"Honey I'm home," he loudly declared upon entry
he never again looked under bed or pantry
Legal eagles or vultures?
Alimony and divorce
Wills
Your problem is in their best financial interest
Enduring power of Attorney
Representing you at a exorbitant fee
Stay away from them if you can!
Jan Allison
6th May 2016
*****
took all
my money
alimony
cow
We are aesthetic in our congregation-
promotionally enthusiastic to see the next outing,
our outcroppings stupendously aligned to the demotion of the great race's need for participating eloquence,
Einstinien men and women we are...
Holding key facts at stake for the live's of those who cannot agree with us,
sending the signals,
eluding the cops, and of course...
never forgetting the fallen.
They are speaking wildly,
we have their farce continued,
they are breaking at the rims of the galaxies,
we are just catching them!
So adorn to adorn-
recalculate, and so go home to be born,
extrapolate every digitization before ending the alimony and diving to your depths-
because what's first came next.
...Oliver had saved up the cash
to buy into his employer’s franchise,
bought his own store, aggressively courted
every rancher in the countryside.
Soon enough the cash flow was well in the black,
so Oliver and the bartender wed,
bought their own house and were soon expecting,
he cared nothing for what the people said.
Jack, still drinking, played the Hollywood scene,
was a fixture of the wild nightlife,
soon he was in the tabloids again
when he knocked up a girl he knew one night.
He managed to keep working in film,
supporting roles were the best he could get,
with alimony and child support
he found himself slipping into the red.
When he crashed his car into his front door
he was quickly shuffled off to rehab,
in what would be the first trip of many,
the addiction had a grip on him bad.
But still he managed to get some work,
and when folks saw his face on the air,
they’d look at Oliver, mumbling how,
“That brother never went anywhere.”
Now Hollywood is a hot-bed of rumors,
and a disturbing percentage are true,
soon tales spread of Jack’s early acting days,
and all the things a new actor has to do.
Rumors of giving favors to producers,
insinuations of oral sex,
some said that was why her drank so damn much,
and why relationships left him vexed.
Whatever the case, on the internet,
the rumors became an ongoing meme,
his reputation thrown in the toilet
by GIFs and infographics obscene.
Oliver, back in fair Nebraska,
really had no reason to complain,
he had three kids and sold big equipment
to half the ranchers on the Sand Hills range.
Nobody was making memes out of him,
no reporters were snooping through his trash,
tabloids were not undermining his marriage,
and he was making more than enough cash.
He had six stores and a seventh coming,
and a hundred acres tied to his home,
a life or both family and friends sincere,
the general public did leave him alone.
The only thing that could worry Oliver
was what would happen to his brother Jack?
How many stars had walked down that same road,
and how many of them had never come back?
Though Jack’s state would weight hard on his mind,
and hear feared to see him drowning in despair,
Oliver couldn’t help but laugh at the folk
who thought it was he who was going nowhere.