She’s up at dawn binoculars raised
Surveying lawns like crimes unfazed
A rogue petunia out of line
She files a claim by 8:09
A car she doesn’t recognize
Becomes a case she must analyze
Stolen she mutters pacing slow
She’s texting the board before they know
If someone grills past quiet time
She drafts a message crisp and primed
Attachments timestamps photos too
Her self-proclaimed duty through and through
She’s judge and jury of the street
A self-appointed rules elite
No porch too cluttered hedge too tall
No harmless fun too small to stall
The neighbors begrudgingly grit their teeth
When she reports a wreath beneath
The approved specs for seasonal décor
They’ve learned to keep an eye on their door
Not a board member but eager to enforce
She guards the HOA’s covenant with a nosy force
A watchdog? Maybe A pest? Perhaps
Forever wasting her days setting petty traps
Turmoil taunts and tries me
Always standing just outside… free.
Waiting predatorily
To torment, abuse and torture me.
The dichotomy of good and bad.
A judgement I cannot rectify.
So, limited and linear.
I’m so sad.
I’m not the best judge of me,
Begrudgingly.
I can’t stop thinking
My life has been for not.
I wish the pressure of judgement inside me would stop.
Because it stops me.
I could be so much more.
More round and colorful
This me presently is holding something inside
As a way of being.
My feeling is…
If my thinking could set me free
To spirit away on a shameless nonjudgmental breeze
Just maybe I could actually be
The best of me.
in the land of northeast west Gable
a wily witch name of Mable
pushed away from her dinner table
annoyed by a red car on a cable
she thought these sky cars were a mere fable
had this one come from the wizard’s stable?
did it come begrudgingly, or was it willing and able?
staring it down, she appreciated its pretty label.
toc tac toe
I am always X
weirdly enough
every young person I meet is also always X
I had to learn to be O
begrudgingly
Love Yourself 2
Non-competitive Version.
Who Else Knows
Absolutely Everything?
(About You...?)
Down To The Tiniest
Infinitely Changing Quantum Detail?
****************************************
And Up To The Endless Cosmic Performance
Of Your Entire View?
Just Try It.
It All Loves You.
Even The Clouds.
Grudgingly or Begrudgingly... Lol.
Who Do I Know?
-Gray Squirrel
05-18-2025
Yes you hurt me
Did you do it intentionally
Did you disregard my feelings
Because it was only you
You wanted to please
Did it make you feel stronger
A matter of you are right
I was wrong
Did you try to prove a point
Only to realize with me genuinely
I don't think
You ever really belonged
I forgive you
I release you eleven times over to myself
I will not carry bitterness or anger
Allowing myself to be begrudgingly put away up on
On a shelf
I do forgive you
Someone,
Who will sit next to me.
Although begrudgingly.
Not friendly.
We still call each other sometimes.
She hangs up and I wonder…
Who was I talking to?
Someone who doesn’t even try to act friendly.
Obscure.
A decaying person.
Someone,
Who will sit next to me.
Must be in my head.
You can’t tell much from pictures.
She hates me.
Someone,
Who will sit next to me.
It hurts, even though she might hate me.
Finally, we are relaxing.
She is tapping her toes.
She hands me soup.
Like I am decaying.
She is,
Someone.
Soup.
Full of vapor.
She has work tomorrow.
So she leaves.
From the depths to the shore,
From birth to death,
There is always something more.
More hopes,
More desires—
We are never satisfied, neither at the start nor at the end.
The rules of boundaries are often scattered,
Our breath is bound to life,
Our breath is bound to love.
There is a struggle for success
In the jungle of desires.
It is neither so near nor so far;
Knowing this, we continue on the stepping stones, striving for joy, reaching for the sky.
In the race of rats,
We continuously scramble for God’s grace.
By tasting different flavors and playing various games,
When we finally lose,
Crossing the endless circle,
When we begrudgingly taste the aging of dreams,
We come to understand: the true struggle lies in expressing emotions, claiming our rights, and overcoming evils.
Overall, and at last,
True freedom rests at the feet of God.
________________________________________
Everyone means what they say
But only for the span of a day
Before they forget and move on
And leave you forgotten
Everyone has good intentions
Until they really want something
And will do anything to get it
Ignoring all other reason
Everyone wants to help you out
But they all disappear
Like snow in the fall
It barely even sticks
So I move on begrudgingly
Not trusting a single soul
But the one that is inside me
Because everyone means well
Only for a day
Alone on a star,
I wish to see hope granted but alas from afar,
our love ran cold like a stream gone dry.
I picked up my broken heart and carried it ever so soft,
I wandered the places where oft love goes to die.
Begrudgingly, I held that sharp steel sword ever so ary,
you would almost think I buried sorrow`s disdain on the hill aloft.
I swung relentlessly, blade relentless in its dire pursuit,
until I collapsed with heart in hand;
ready to meet my unrequited fate, to only uncover the lowly
place of which our demise doth lie.
Speak softly or do not speak at all;
we were destined to meet love`s malice,
the bleak uncertainty remains as of late:
was how we fell all pretend or were we even meant to fall?
My father is a diamond in the rough
in that sometimes he would pull
a handful of golf balls from a trash bag in the garage
and hit them into the forest from the field behind our house
on a Friday evening when he had nothing better to do
And now when we go walking, occasionally
when the light hits just so
we stumble across an unwilling time capsule
in the form of a moss-covered golf ball
And remembering one man’s carefree days
we begrudgingly pick it out of the duff
only to deposit back in the garage stash
that hasn’t been touched in a while
May 27, 2023 A Diamond of Time Poetry Contest, Sponsor Julia Ward
Life is like
a blank page
roughly wrinkled
in withering white.
Begrudgingly
bearing it’s
abandoned
brand of
belittlement .
Which only can
be broken
by the olden
unspoken truths
lying in between
the written words
of humanity’s
harrowing hand .
It was dealer’s choice and each hit landed hard.
I was dealt my hand and conducted each card.
Alone at the table, I was that day’s only taker.
My bet was placed, against the deadly widow maker.
We didn’t play for coins, cash or a check.
Death dealt each card from the buns of the deck.
The stakes were high, but begrudgingly I played the game.
I lost a quarter of my heart, and my life has no longer been the same.
I now face each day with death on my mind.
Anxieties I have, but my faith is no longer blind.
It’s been twelve amazing years since I’ve died and came back.
God saved my life with a massive heart attack.
Every breath that I draw is another gift that I’ve got.
God is very real, a big bang he is not.
The true meaning of life is what I have found.
I feel his breath in the wind, and his love all around.
5/14/22
Not a sheep
Nor do I bleat
Yet you ask of me to follow
What it is you say
I quietly push away
Begrudgingly however
I appear to walk the same way.
Afraid to speak
For anger rises to a peak
Therefore I reluctantly pretend to be a sheep
And it seems as though I bleat.
Anticipating awesome antics, anteaters amend aliveness
Bumblebee beauties begrudgingly believing bouncy buttercups
Conniving clovers clandescently collect curious conversations
Diabolical devilish daffodils delight in damsel’s dainty dancing.
Enthusiastic elves effortlessly extricate eel’s elongated excitement
Ferociously friendly flora and fauna faeries forever frolicking,
Grousing glowing gargoyles grumble and gripe grievously
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