Barman Poems | Examples

Suspicious Minds

On weekday nights when it grew 
too quiet
 
Alex the angry barman 
would strut towards the machine, somehow 
disable its need for money, and
select a batch of Elvis songs
 
And when the first one came on, he'd be scanning
the few customers for signs of disrespect

'There, that's proper music, none of 
your punk rock nonsense'

BAR CHRONICLES

Drunk man and Truth.
(PART 3 OF 10: WHISKEY BLUES)

The barman knows my demons and knows how to cage them,the bar is broad as spine of a mountain when mine is collapsing on carrying guilt.

Days pass as my whiskey burning my throat 
I learnt that I was trying to burn your name off the lining of my throat so that drinking sorrows may be free of your name.
Sober thoughts are shadow boxing, I have been trying to mimic my shadow dancing, and you were the dim feature I see every time I down the whiskey.

You made a great exit while I was jamming to our favourite love song, your steps sounded like a distant storm, Thunderous but leaving.
I'm still searching for the truth on your footprints on wet sand.

BAR CHRONICLES

100 Whiskey Shots.
(Part 2 of 10)

You warned me not to visit bars at night,
Now what must I.do after our bad fight?
The street lights are a flicker of your smile
Not as bright ,yet so subtle to moments to come.
There is a pattern of sincerity in your calm,
Yet now we are headed in different dirences by a mile.

The barman know my poison 
And what numbs my pain,
First 10 shots to numb my tongue to silence.
The next 90 shots to create a pattern of things I never said that night.
The last ten shots to pour over a wound 
I will scream and cry but it gets better.

By: Tshediso SEROKI

Love that saved stork

“It’s a very beautiful bird. It can never be ugly! 
It’s the most beautiful bird in the world!”
- Quote by Purnima Devi Barman, 
Wildlife biologist who saved 
Greater Adjutant stork species
-------------------------------------------------------
Greater Adjutant stork 
Uncomely looks
Despised by all
For being ugly
No other fault

No graceful gait
No melody
Awkward height
Impolite eater
Unsettled gaze

A woman fell in love
Raised an all woman
Hargila army to save
To educate, made those
Who despised love the bird

Rescued, 
Rehabilitated
Cared, 
Now the storks
Live in peace

Love can change
Love can conquer
Love is best when
Under pressure, so
Says the saved storks

An endangered bird
Brought back to live
Just because one
Woman saw beauty
In this incongruous bird

St Patrick’s Day Blunder

Aunt Bertha’s been drinking with Mable
Ten Guinness cans litter their table
They’re ‘nissed as a pewt’
This fact they dispute
But cannot stand up, they’re unable!

Old Mable can’t rise from her seat
She’s cussing (words I daren’t repeat)
Then she yells, “Get help quick
Cos I’m feeling quite sick"
Which angers the barman named Pete!

Two students help Mable to stand
She blurts, “Getting drunk wasn’t planned”
As they guide Mable out
She hears the barman shout
“NEXT ST PATRICK’S DAY YOU ARE BANNED!”

i hope one day i get the opportunity to flee on horseback

i ordered at the bar in archbishop's rig

two pork sausages
baked beans
strawberry bear fruit snack
orange juice
meat free burger
r white's raspberry lemonade
bangers and mash
pepsi 
corn wheels 
hotdog 
peppercorn sauce
one wobbly sausage sandwich

on returning to my table
i overheard the barman 
'a fool he was, a fool he'll always be'.

esoteric mountain

Esoteric mountain 

The track leading up to the mountain 
that had no spire but was as flat as a prairie 
in Idaho, dark soil and spuds
My faithful dog refused to follow 
preferred to hang around at slopes
she looked worried 
On reaching the topless mountain
the sun was hot and had a dizzy spell
before passing out, I saw a mule
Someone carried me the stream's
nascent, pure water for me to drink
I found a lump of sugar in my pocket
I looked around and saw no humans 
but heard the murmur of a whisper
from hearty, green grass gossiping
When rested, walked down and 
found a bar with a neon sign in red 
mystified, I thought of ill omen
In the salon, I told the barman what
had occurred, he visibly paled and said
leave the unseen ghosts alone
They are a choir that disappeared on
on a field trip a hundred years ago
 at night, they sweetly sing for us
Coming out of the den, the dog waited
and led the way to the main road, but
what was the mule trying to tell me

fear of the outside

fear of the outside

I lifted my glass of red wine towards the lamplight
I didn't see a romantic dream, but a dirty glass
full of fat finger marks and I could not blame the barman
I should have been an actor a friend of mine was
an actor said I had the talent
we were rehearsing a play, but looking at the empty seat
and seeing them full of leering people, I was consumed
with lamplight fear.
My friend loved his craft, but he never made it to the West End
but I saw him play Lesly Howard in a movie made in locally 
he was a perfect actor
This is about agoraphobia which has blighted my life and 
I have disappointed many promising to appear in public
not showing up blaming a sudden illness
my actor friend swore he could cure me, a nonspeaking role
in his latest play, alas he died.
My wife has gone to the cinema, I'm looking after the cat

Fever

There was once a driver
Infected with yellow fever
Who passed it on to his woman
And she to the barman
And they all came down with a fever

Bank Raid In Chelsea

Sawdust on the floor I'm sure you know the place
When you walk in everyone stares at your face
The barman is busy tonight you wait by the bar
Beer finally served outside there is a noisy car 

Heads now bowed a spare seat is duly spotted 
A pen and paper come out a scheme is plotted
Trouble surrounds you whether justified or not
Doesn't affect your prep and you get back to plot

On the paper something interesting is written 
Numbers relating to a bank safe in Great Britain 
Making sure the paper is well hidden from view
That's when Malloy comes in to sit next to you 

Malloy points to the direction of the pub door 
He wants me outside more plotting for sure 
We talk in hushed voices nobody is around 
I nod and shake my head looking at the ground 

The plotting now done back inside we both go
What was said I'm sure you'd really like to know 
You will hear on the news in the months to come 
Bank raid in Chelsea money stolen a tidy sum

Keep It Handy: Pg 13

There was a beautiful girl called Mandy 
Barman Andy loved mixing her Shandy 
He did strange cocktails 
Topped with frothy ales 
She blew off his foam, to sip the Brandy


A Funny Limerick - Make me Laugh Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Howmanysyllables 10/10/5/5/10
11/06/22

In Sandy On a Sundy

In Sandy on a Sund’y
Can’t even buy a pie
The High Street is a ghost town
From some Kafkaesque sci-fi.
Not a single caf is open
No point in asking ‘Why?’
So I’ll just go down
To the Rose and Crown
And give their roast a try.

The film set has now altered
To a Sergio Leone
The barman with the hang-dog look
Is sitting all alone.
I enquire after Sunday Lunch
His reply comes Brummily spoken.
‘No food today,
I’m afraid to say.
The chef’s right arm is broken.’

So homeward I trudge
To a can of stodge
That I’d been keeping handy
And I curse the day
I decided to stay
In this Sabbath-subserving Sandy.

Three Bottles of Dowry

I bought you 
Three bottles of dowry
The Barman is my witness
Then you staggered away
Leaving me on bended knee
You called out Mama and fled
Clutching on the chronicles
On a Sunday midnight 
when we roam
What brought you to the bar
I bought you three!

Nunny Mcgee

McGee was needin' a drop you see
So he headed on down to the pub
But as he arrived, he heard a small voice
Say " Don't go into that club"

Turning around there he had found
A Nun with her fist in the air
Saying "Don't you know that drinkin' a sin,
A sin your soul can not bare,

And besides that too, it'll rot you guts
Your liver, your teeth and you brain
And if you were smart, if you'd walk away
And never touch it again".

So, McGee then asked the little bold Nun
" Have you ever had even a taste?"
The Nun replied "Of course I've not!"
" Then Sister you haven't a case,

How can you judge, if you're not tried,
You're unqualified, That's what I think"
"Ok "said the Nun "I guess I  try one,
But, as long as you go get the drink"

Ok said McGee," What shall it be"
The Nun said "I only know Gin"
McGee said fine, I'll be back in no time.
Wait here, and I'll just pop in"

McGee walked briskly up to the bar
Where he order a pint for himself
The asked for a cup of Gin to go
And make it the best on the shelf 

The barman pulled the pint for McGee
Then gave his chin a rub
Said, "Now, don't tell me that drunken Nun
Is still out in front of me pub!

We Call the People That We Love Inside

The shops are shut.  Our hearts are open wide
Before we put the Closed sign on the door
We call the people that we love inside

‘Last orders at the bar!’ the barman cried
Our days of wine and roses are no more
The pubs are shut.  Our hearts are open wide

The schools are shut.  How hard the children tried
For what, they sigh, was all our striving for
We call the people that we love inside

No space made out of stone for God to hide
At home alone we face a higher law
The church is shut. Our hearts are open wide 

Our doors are shut.  In darkness we abide
We tear our hair and wash our fingers raw
With all the people that we love inside

The price we pay for freedom is our pride
What price our freedom if we win the war
The shops are shut.  Our hearts are open wide
We call the people that we love inside

© Gail Foster 23rd March 2020

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