fear of the outside

fear of the outside I lifted my glass of red wine towards the lamplight I didn't see a romantic dream, but a dirty glass full of fat finger marks and I could not blame the barman I should have been an actor a friend of mine was an actor said I had the talent we were rehearsing a play, but looking at the empty seat and seeing them full of leering people, I was consumed with lamplight fear. My friend loved his craft, but he never made it to the West End but I saw him play Lesly Howard in a movie made in locally he was a perfect actor This is about agoraphobia which has blighted my life and I have disappointed many promising to appear in public not showing up blaming a sudden illness my actor friend swore he could cure me, a nonspeaking role in his latest play, alas he died. My wife has gone to the cinema, I'm looking after the cat