Short Barman Poems

There was once a driver
Infected with yellow fever
Who passed it on to his woman
And she to the barman
And they all came down with a fever...

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A cuddly Harp Seal, when just a bub,
Swam further south and slipped into a pub,
The barman gave a wink,
Have this whisky to drink?...
“No way known, it’s Canadian Club!”...

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Buys  another drink;
Always drinks his whisky neat.
Loosens up his tongue, 
Tells the barman, ‘Hey buddy,
‘I’m the ‘girl’ you kissed last night.’


For Natalie's Confessions to a Bartender contest...

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It was Jack the barman who said to Christopher, “When God created the rainbow, he made them twins, one to grace the sky, and one to grace the Earth as an Irish woman,” and so it was, Christopher bought the pub another round again....

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I bought you 
Three bottles of dowry
The Barman is my witness
Then you staggered away
Leaving me on bended knee
You called out Mama and fled
Clutching on the chronicles
On a Sunday midnight 
when we roam
What brought you to the bar
I bought you three!...

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Bar Snacks

A man walks into a pub
And asks if they sell bar snacks.
The barman says that they do,
"We've got roast goblin,
Grilled leprechaun
And deep fried fairy"
The man thought for a moment
"They all sound very tasty
But don't you serve anything elfy?"...

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There was a beautiful girl called Mandy 
Barman Andy loved mixing her Shandy 
He did strange cocktails 
Topped with frothy ales 
She blew off his foam, to sip the Brandy


A Funny Limerick - Make me Laugh Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Howmanysyllables 10/10/5/5/10
11/06/22...

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i ordered at the bar in archbishop's rig

two pork sausages
baked beans
strawberry bear fruit snack
orange juice
meat free burger
r white's raspberry lemonade
bangers and mash
pepsi 
corn wheels 
hotdog 
peppercorn sauce
one wobbly sausage sandwich

on returning to my table
i overheard the barman 
'a fool he was, a fool he'll always be'.
  
...

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Take the whiskey neat,
Look past the barman, there’s the mirror
Practiced, laughing eyes
An easy mouth, now sip, then turn
Sip and nod
Slip your hand from under his
to shift your drink
He leans, breath on your cheek
Gin, hot across sparkling, bared teeth
Now his hand on your hip
You probably heard the rumors
He pulls, you stumble, step back
You probably thought, exaggeration
He’s a success
“Easy, girl,” he says,
his eyes no longer the blue you once thought.

8/11/2017...

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