Funny Age Poems | Examples
These Funny Age poems are examples of Age poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Age Funny poems written by international poets.
my friend Brian
found his calling
not only a comedian
full of laughter and good jokes,
but also, the oldest college wrestler in Ohio
The wages of sin are just never paid.
Try as you might you can't make the grade.
Came home from work all tired and forlorn,
My back hurts, my feet hurt, I've bunions and corns.
I've pills for my back, my neck and my shoulders,
No sense in complaining, I'm just getting older.
I rarely sleep now, I just pass out,
Then I wake with a start 'cause my dogs must go out.
The cat's waiting patiently by the back door,
As the dogs race excitedly across the floor.
Then I go to the bathroom to swallow my pills,
Half an hour before breakfast, it's my daily drill.
I bend over double to brush out my locks,
Took a coughing fit and peed in my sock.
I'm just getting old I tell myself again,
It's my punishment now for a youth filled with sin.
Age comes with its own set of changes
One being the change in memory
Our memory declines and we forget more
A frustration that becomes your daily
I have many forgetful moments
Do things sometimes l cant believe
Couple memory loss with insomnia
And theres no amount of crazy you can’t achieve
Recently, in the midst of an insomnia bout
With my body and mind in complete zombie mode
I put my lunch in the microwave to heat
Typed in the heat needed using my…..Pincode!
I kid you not…
I gave up years ago
I just never quit.
Y’know, as in stopped
Being who I am.
I had an early revelation
That not everyone would like me
When I realized that I didn’t like everybody.
Thus, I endeavored to solve the dilemma
By just being me with all of them
It worked, well….a little anyway
As some who didn’t like me
Began to like me
That forever “equal and opposite” rule
Evened things out.
I believe I am a funny guy
Alas, not all agree with this assessment
Some say that I go too far
Others hope I never return
As I said “I gave up years ago”
But I never quit.
Y’know…blowing bubbles in my chocolate milk
Licking my ice cream bowl
Building things with my mashed potatoes
Splashing in rainy day puddles
"To sleep...perchance to dream...."
The heck with that! How about to sleep,
per chance to sleep! What is this obsession
with dreaming?! Dreaming I can
do anytime awake. Sleeping is a
desperately needed break, not to dream
for goodness sake! To sleep, and just sleep
is what I lights-out seek. Some rest, no dream
of any kind: "Is all we see and seem...."
Stuff it, Poe. Who wants to dream while
sleeping?~ awakened, needing to again
to slowly flow~~~Awake, seeing life
dribble away...I pray, hoping heaven has enough
restrooms for seniors. And no quarters needed,
please, if I can't take it with me for when I have
to go.
I said, "Since I got my brand-new dentures today,
can we maybe try some new adventures today?"
She said, "I think I have to wait a bit ~
That new smile! I just can't get used to it.
So, let's do the same old adventures tonight, okay ~
after we pray?"
You ask me why I live in cave
Caveman not want to be a slave
I take a chance and look around
I see that people act like clown
Your little ones you not take care
You always running here and there
You drop them off at crazy school
No discipline when they break rule
They spend their time in front of screen
You wonder why they act so mean
They don’t know sex or what is real
By age of ten know how to kill
Government tells you what to do
You give up trying to be you
Purpose of life, make more money
Hate is growing it not funny
I choose a life here in my cave
Not make a choice to be a slave
I took the chance to look around
No way I’d choose to live in town
How’s your finger?
How’s your rib?
These are words I don’t ad lib
How’s your backache?
How’s your knee?
Would you read this, I can’t see
Pass the sugar, no, best not
Off my meds now, I forgot!
Where’s the salt, oh, yes I know
Hid it, so it wouldn’t show
I can make it, park the car
Twenty feet, that’s not too far!
Vitamins?, I just took two!
Love to eat but I can’t chew
Perils of a ripe old age
Spiced by memories and sage
None-the-less, I’m here to stay
Hope at least for one more day!
Their fists were of furious intent,
But backs were too aged and bent.
It wasn't the seizing,
But rather the wheezing,
That both to the hospital sent.
I announce a decree,
overactive bladder, pee frequently.
I must haste to and fro,
because I just really have to go.
Gangway, vacate the loo,
or I'm going to splash all over you!
I wear industrial size diapers that
are pricey,
I'm a human waterfall, how dicey.
Aging isn't easy,
I know this poem is cheesy,
but I still can do a little dance,
as I've nicknamed myself, "Pissy-Pants!"
I'm retired and live in a small, mobile home,
about 5600 miles from the outskirts of Rome,
about 7200 miles from the waters of the Ganges,
and about 5100 miles from Machu Picchu, in the peaks of the Andes.
It's a nice, cozy little home,
where every day, I try to write at least one new spanking poem -- oops!
one spanking new poem.
A limerick-composing old man
Devised a most devious plan.
Rejecting convention,
I fear I must mention,
He fried all his verse in a pan.
Made a cuppa coffee this morning
Forgot about it
I think I ate breakfast
Can’t remember what
I combed my hair
Singular
Musta brushed my teeth
They’re back in my mouth
I wear a shirt that reads
“IF FOUND PLEASE RETURN”
Socks that disagree with each other
Shirts that read like a virtual menu
Shoes that tie themselves
The best place to look for my glasses
Is in the lost and found pile
I shave when my beard
Gets to that itchy stage
Bathe when the dog moves
To the far end of the couch
I laugh a lot
Not always sure why
Or for what reason
I have children
And phones
That are smarter than I am
Yet nowhere near as wise
When my doctors ask
“any questions”
I reply
“yeah, what’s the capital of South Dakota”
They are generally not amused
I don’t think they know….
I believe I may be Artificially Intelligent
For many of my lessons were taught by fools
Y’know, those pencil pushing test correctors
The teachers in all the schools
They gave us tests to ascertain
The truth of what they knew
That we’d complain about a D
On assignments over due
Taught us to write sentences
A task that seemed so dire
We went to sleep wrestling with
A dangling modifier
Teachers in the science lab
Their eyes slightly askew
Kept a clear path to the door
Never knowing what we’d do
Yet as it seems with all success
Like the day I hit a homer
I got to wear a funny hat
And pick up a Diploma
Thus, when they say: “must be AI”
I flash upon the past
Knowing that the “algorithm”
Would be tossed right out of class.
Loyal companion carved from a sturdy oak.
This eternal gratitude will never be revoked.
You've been there for me more then
some human folk.
I think I may be in love with you and that is no joke.
Please stay by my side until the day I croak,
if perchance we come upon a very nasty bloke,
I will turn you upside down and give him a poke!