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3/7/2017 7:52:32 PM
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This place is a joke
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As if I care about your opinion, Mr. self proclaimed best critic on the internet. Have you read your own "poetry"? I write circles around you.
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4/30/2017 5:07:55 PM
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How do I get more comments/opinions from readers
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You seem to have done quite well with comments versus the number of views of your poems. Try 600 views and less than 5 comments.
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5/2/2017 2:58:54 PM
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Tesla - by Bob Atkinson
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Mundane
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5/17/2017 3:03:05 PM
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Poetry Criticism - by - Bob Atkinson
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However there is a difference between giving constuctive criticism in a pleasent way.....and being condescending and pompous.
edited by hempleaves13 on 5/17/2017
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5/19/2017 5:09:00 AM
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Poetry Criticism - by - Bob Atkinson
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No one here is a professional critic. Therefore, advice given can be taken with a grain of salt. Especially when they come off as arrogant.
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6/21/2017 9:35:07 PM
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Lake Cliffs of Erie
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Standing on the edge of a cliff
toking a smooth fat spliff
waiting to catch sight of a skiff
Floating it's way on by
Watching the majestic girl soar
no longer a beast of lore
wish for increasingly more
She passes a look on the fly
Brown with white head and tail
power that will never fail
enchanting how she sets sail
Makes me start to cry
Bounding stag hidden by ivied hoods
sneaky 'lil squirrel dashing with his goods
amber kits darting through the boxwoods
Violet western sun in the sky
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7/15/2017 7:07:18 PM
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Lake Cliffs of Erie
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Lake Cliffs of Erie
Standing on the edge of a cliff
toking a smooth fat spliff
waiting to catch sight of a skiff
Floating it's way on by
Watching the majestic girl soar
no longer a beast of lore
wish for increasingly more
She passes a look on the fly
Brown with white head and tail
power that will never fail
enchanting how she sets sail
Makes me start to cry
Bounding stag hidden by ivied hoods
sneaky 'lil squirrel dashing with his goods
amber kits darting through the boxwoods
Violet western sun in the sky
edited by hempleaves13 on 7/15/2017
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7/25/2017 5:20:15 PM
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Craving AC
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A flame containing exponential fervor and luster
scorches a visage through the cerebellum
a scintilla of contact melts the epidermis
utilize every fluid ounce quenching the burning ache
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7/25/2017 5:24:31 PM
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Nocturnal Eminence
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Warrior to dark's most daunting dreams
savior from thoughts that run too deep
Terrify, not one dares it seems
brings panacea to night's sleep
Beacon for flailing ships asea,
the Ana of fifty shades Grey
Beauty saving the nocturne beast
keeps subconscious demons at bay
Catches every breath with her smile
as summer's sun, a heart it warms
Intensity not seen awhile
quells the worst of fierce thunderstorms
Her touch, akin to the spring's rain
gently blooming buds to flowers
Still, mental images are vain
ne'er experience her powers
Shan't romance, seduce, love, or hold
hear her voice, feel her aura's beams
Suppose I could, though not so bold
so she must stay within my dreams
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7/28/2017 3:45:29 PM
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Craving AC
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Alas, Laura, I can not extinguish said flame by revealing it's source. Thank you taking a little time to review my post and noticing it's tinges, I appreciate that.
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8/8/2017 3:20:19 PM
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ANY thoughts?
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Amberosia
There she sits pristine and demure
catching the center of mine eye
within a glint of thoughts impure
my breath exhales a forlorn sigh
Beyond few others to compare
a Duchess - far from being trite
I can not help but sit and stare
yearning her face to ingrain sight
Holds herself well, so full of grace
strong - yet passionate - her aura
illumines with her smiling face
long to bathe her in rose flora
I pine to be enwrapped amid
her eyes and silky golden locks
the thought leaves me feeling sordid
must keep inside Pandora's box
Glides across the floor with such ease
her scent it does intoxicate
penultimate sense which to please
never so much to satiate
Penult - there's one more important
her touch - which I will never know
no frets - I'm not a psychophant
with dreams of her 'round my pillow
A mere man who appreciates
the beauty that she possesses
one who just wants to demonstrate
the spell she has cast that vexes
There's no ulterior motive
for me penning these words on down
I know they aren't really pensive
nor fit for this Queen as a crown
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8/10/2017 4:13:40 PM
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Thoughts?
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Nocturnal Eminence
Warrior to dark's most daunting dreams
savior from thoughts that run too deep
Terrify, not one dares it seems
brings panacea to night's sleep
Beacon for flailing ships asea,
the Ana of fifty shades Grey
Beauty saving the nocturne beast
keeps subconscious demons at bay
Catches every breath with her smile
as summer's sun, a heart it warms
Intensity not seen awhile
quells the worst of fierce thunderstorms
Her touch, akin to the spring's rain
gently blooming buds to flowers
Still, mental images are vain
ne'er experience her powers
Shan't romance, seduce, love, or hold
hear her voice, feel her aura's beams
Suppose I could, though not so bold
so she must stay within my dreams
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8/23/2017 3:26:03 PM
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Enjoy! ....Or not. Your choice.
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The Cove
Rivulet
ripples
mellifluously
surreptitiously
lilt
conflating
into
a
demure
lagoon
edited by hempleaves13 on 9/14/2017
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8/23/2017 8:42:46 PM
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Part two
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Aphrodite's Tears-Lament for Amerosia
Never intended to cause pain
verklempt knowing my words brought tears
such sadness I wish I could wane
and quell any and all your fears
Tried to build up a pedestal
whence a Goddess - you - can have rule
never fathomed you'd be dismal
now I'm feeling like a fat mule
Could I possibly be so dumb
to think that this could not occur
that result has left me so numb
both my heart and brain can concur
What made me think - at twice your age
that my words would so flatter you
alas, I am no such great mage
the day I wrote those words I rue
Melancholia has begun
I'm not able to raise my face
'til beams shine again from your sun
and I chained in my evil place
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9/3/2017 5:49:36 AM
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Part three of the trilogy
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Respect Your Goddess
Men!
Huge percent treat women bad
what the hell is our issue
somehow this make us feel glad
making them use a tissue?
Discern nothing nice to say
revel in our unkind role
what makes us act in this way
don't we care about their soul?
We should not be talking down
to someone we say we love
instead fitting with a crown
arrived on wings of a dove
Respect them with all our heart
let them know they are our world
simple plan, but it's a start
their wings becoming unfurled
They should not ever feel ties
to someone keeping them down
pains me when a woman cries
even when she wears a frown
Treat them as a fragile kit
be their protective armor
everyday show them we're smit
with comfort and our ardor
But what bothers me the most
lack of attention some give
on cruise control we do coast
should leak from us like a sieve
How does one not notice her
Aphrodite by one's side
others should be but a blurr
yet her face one wants to hide?
INCORRIGIBLE - to me
this thought of concealed beauty
there are others who DO see
and feel it as their duty
Willing to bow at her feet
giving notice whence deserved
unabashed - not rude - just sweet
the heart of their soul she's verved
Keep playing those silly games
they'll finish by losing her
watch as her desire wanes
and moves to someone else, sir!
edited by hempleaves13 on 9/3/2017
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9/7/2017 5:26:54 PM
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Mystic Mist Marauders
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Terra Firma, inundated
induced obscure, addled by haze
Sable vision looming clandestine
'neath voyeur's superficial gaze
Impending doom surrounds siren
companions come via the wing
Hideous caws make nary a sound
still, there's resonance, deafening
Symphonic dance and play abound
sweet airborne pirouettes macabre
Turbulent twists, convene with timber
silence shattered by shrieking sob
Ripped apart - devils satisfied
swiftly ebb on departing mist
Nonchalant to what's been discarded
visage vanquished - vanished, dismissed
'Twas once there, to be - nevermore
peace now, awaits a rising sun
Dewy air departs on stiff breezes
repercussion - a carrion
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9/8/2017 5:07:59 PM
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THE FEWLY APPRECIATED
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Jack Webster said:
i think at the other end there are very experienced poets that look at some poems that are so uninitiated that they don't even know where to start, or feel that leaving any comment at all would only be met with hurt feelings. What does one say when everything must be fixed?
I hate to believe that this is the only reason "experienced" poets do not comment on a novice's poem. That disheartens me! So what am I to think, then, when so many view my poetry without commenting? That my work is horrible? lacks meaning? doesn't hold form? Or that I should just stop doing what I love to do?
edited by hempleaves13 on 9/8/2017
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11/22/2017 5:01:27 PM
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Swamp Sundaze
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A dog and a frog
(with the names of Bull)
sit on a log
abutting a synagogue
drinking eggnog
until they are full
Suddenly agog
(by a fog in their bog
that makes them slog
like a cog
when they jog)
begin a dialogue
with a demagogue hedgehog
"Start a blog monologue
regarding this smog"
voiced to the hog by Bull
"You've had too much grog"
stated the hedgehog
offering a prologue
raising self up with a pull
"and regarding this blog
I have a backlog
know just analog
and expect my payment in wool"
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3/29/2018 9:17:23 PM
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Blood Hunger
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Midnight bells commencing their ring
throughout the country land
shadows begin to cry and sing
thirsting for their demand...
Blood
A quest that is not complete
'til receiving what they require
Striking teeth and fleeting feet
dart quietly through the quagmire...
Rage
Over uncharted territory
quickly fly without a glance
after prey they deem mandatory
striking swiftly like a lance...
Flesh
Hunger quelled by carnage now
tranquil they settle after the feast
no one communicates how
to survive the quandry of this beast
edited by hempleaves13 on 3/30/2018
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5/13/2018 6:20:03 AM
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no form
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The first rule of poetry is.....there are no rules. Sure there are countless forms (within which there are rules), but ultimately it's about expression. I have read your 5 and found 5 poems that obviously comes fromyour heart.Do NOT get caught up in what some of the pompous "know-it-alls" on this site might say about "fixing" your poetry. NO ONE here is a professional. I'm not saying that there aren't some on here htat will give solid advice. Just be wary of who'sadvice you take and how it affects the true meaning of your work. I guess what I am trying to say is...don't compromise the integrity of your work to please someone else. Unfortunately rhyme is not very well respected (I know, it's the majority of what I write), but I would notlet that deter you from writing what you feel - in whateveer form you are most comfortable with. Just write m'lady.
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