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8/23/2017 3:26:03 PM keith osborne Posts: 59	The Cove Rivulet ripples mellifluously surreptitiously lilt conflating into a demure lagoon edited by hempleaves13 on 9/14/2017
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9/10/2017 2:07:20 PM Jack Webster Posts: 255	playful. not sure what the poetic musing is. I don't think the line breaks successfully counterbalance the awkwardness of the words put together: rivulet ripples melifluously surreptitiously lilt conflating into a demure lagoon. you can remove the word lilt, and substitute it by creating lilt that is felt in the meter - if we feel it, you don't need to say it. you're missing an article before rivulet. if you insist on not beginning with an article, make rivulet plural (if you're going to conflate something, you need more than one anyway). Only conscious things can act surreptitiously. unless you're personifying the rivulet, it doesnt work, and its a mouthful coming right after mellifluously. Also, you might want to reconsider describing entering something demure by stealth... I would suggest the revised version as Melifluous, rivulets ripple, flowing into a demure lagoon.
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9/14/2017 6:59:55 PM jack belck Posts: 12	Triple or quadruple spacing adds nothing. You seem to be edging up to haiku but so far it's only lowku.
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