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Grief Is So, So, So Mind Numbing - Marissa Faries's Blog

About Marissa Faries
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Began writing poetry at 12 years old. Poetry themes include emotional trauma, aspirations, inspirational thoughts, philosophy, spirituality, humor, metaphorical erotica, and more. Canadian Indigenous, 28 years old. Neurodivergent.

Grief Is So, So, So Mind Numbing

Blog Posted:8/10/2022 12:02:00 AM

Another tragic loss happened this year. On May 4th, 2022, we pulled the life support plug on my underage cousin. She left behind many loved ones who were so dear to her. None of us are sure if she intentionally died, as she was having a depressive episode beforehand. But the real tragedy is it was because of a drug called fentanyl.

Myself and her mother do not blame anyone, as it was simply a bad decision she made herself. My heart is torn apart. My mind is so numb that physical pain pales in comparison to my grief and loss. I was not as close to my cousin as I should have been. But that is just because over time we drifted apart, especially due to long distance with living in different places. I honestly feel like I have no right to miss her. I sometimes wonder if she ever secretly resented me. But now her spirit is free, and in the afterlife she knows and understands everything again, I am sure.

She was a beautiful girl with a kind heart. Life gave her a lot of challenges, but she was both a fighter and a lover. I loved her because she was one of my many younger cousins. I knew her as a toddler. She was my baby (non-binary gender) sibling's friend in their toddler years. I feel so much empathy and sympathy for my auntie who misses her so deeply. My aunt doesn't deserve to feel the pain that comes with losing a child. But life and death can be unfair that way for just about anybody. It's just does not sit right to me that she died prematurely, and of drugs too.

Please, save yourselves the grief, and help any of the addicts you personally know. Do not judge them, do not blame them. Addicts suffer, addicts are human too. Show them you love them and are genuinely concerned. Nowadays, all I think is, "Do I have the right to grieve her?" It is astonishing how much this grief is affecting me, because of how distant I was all these years. But this is what grief truly is. It does not discriminate. She was an indigenous teenage girl. Every Child Matters. Not just those who died in residential schools, but also those who become addicts and victims in these times. Thank you for reading, especially if you also read my blog post on my grief about my paternal grandfather.

Rest in power, rest in paradise, rest in peace, K.K.T.

"Now my mind is outta place, yeah, uh. 'Cause I lost my faith and I feel everything. I feel everything from my body to my soul. No, no. Well, I feel everything. When I'm coming down is the most I feel alone. No, no. I've been sober for a year, now it's time for me to go back to my old ways, don't you cry for me. Thought I'd be a better man, but I lied to me and to you.

I take half a Xan' and I still stay awake. All my demons wanna pull me to my grave. I choose Vegas if they offer heaven's gate. I tried to love, but you know I'd never stay, I'd never stay. But if I OD, I want you to OD right beside me. I want you to follow right behind me. I want you to hold me while I'm smiling, while I'm dying. (...) I lost my faith. I'm losing my religion every day. Time hasn't been kind to me, I pray. When I look inside the mirror and see someone I love." -Faith, by The Weeknd


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Date: 8/12/2022 4:06:00 PM
So sorry for your loss, blessings ~Constance
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Date: 8/12/2022 3:48:00 AM
Marissa, so sorry for your loss, may your wonderful memories help you during this difficult time. Condolences to you and your family.
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Date: 8/10/2022 8:05:00 PM
Sorry for your loss.
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Date: 8/10/2022 5:14:00 AM
Thanks for sharing this devastating news, Marissa. I know it's not easy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs* RIP, K.K.T
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My Past Blog Posts

The last 27 poems, from my writing era of 2006-2018
Date Posted: 8/24/2022 6:19:00 AM
Grief Is So, So, So Mind Numbing
Date Posted: 8/10/2022 12:02:00 AM
Never Knew What Grief Truly Was, Until...
Date Posted: 8/9/2022 11:38:00 PM
So, Here's What Happened
Date Posted: 10/15/2021 6:42:00 AM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
9/6/2022 Ruins Of The Moon Crystallinemoon,space,
9/3/2022 Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself Crystallineangst,death,
9/3/2022 Entanglement Free verseuniverse,
9/3/2022 Live Love Laugh Tankalove,
9/3/2022 Phosphorus Free verseangel,spiritual,
9/3/2022 Death Reaper Tankaangel,angst,dark,death,sp
9/3/2022 Aqua Angel Tankalife,spiritual,universe,w
9/3/2022 Mirroring Crystallinedeep,
9/3/2022 Dreamtime Quatraindestiny,dream,fate,native
9/3/2022 Fallen Angel Quatrainangel,angst,loneliness,
9/3/2022 Lanyard Tankabeautiful,beauty,blessing
8/30/2022 Something About Her Eyes Tankaangel,child,cousin,death,
8/30/2022 Yellow Flower With The Violet Flame Tankaangel,death of a friend,f
8/30/2022 As The Sun Sets Rhymedeath,grief,heaven,paradi
8/30/2022 Your Worst Enemy Crystallineabuse,angst,betrayal,dark
8/30/2022 Your Soul Is A Song Free verseextended metaphor,philoso
8/30/2022 Your Loss Quatrainangst,lost love,
8/30/2022 Your Artistry Inspired Me Quatrainart,best friend,friendshi
8/30/2022 Young Adult Quatraingrowing up,
8/30/2022 You're Only Me: Whom I Must Be Free verseangst,depression,identity
8/30/2022 You're Not The Only One Crystallinemeaningful,
8/27/2022 You May Never Know Free versebest friend,crush,cute lo
8/27/2022 You Think You Know Everything, But You Don't Tankasocial,
8/27/2022 You Matter Too Crystallineinspirational,life,light,
8/27/2022 You Know The Answer Crystallinephilosophy,
8/27/2022 You Don't Know Free versefriendship love,longing,l
8/27/2022 You Can Say I'm A Dreamer Free versehope,inspiration,inspirat
8/27/2022 Yin-Yang Crystallinespiritual,
8/27/2022 Yes, My Love Free versehow i feel,love,romance,r
8/27/2022 Yell, Young Rebel Crystallinebetrayal,
8/27/2022 Writing Shall Pull Me Through Free versedepression,emo,lost love,
8/24/2022 Writing In Blood Free verseangst,death,depression,em
8/24/2022 Writer's Wishes Free versedepression,poetess,writin
8/24/2022 Woven Garden Crystallineart,beautiful,imagery,
8/24/2022 Worthless Free verseangst,death,depression,em
8/24/2022 Worth It Crystallinelonging,love,
8/24/2022 Worst Ending Crystallinedepression,mental illness
8/24/2022 Works Of Writers Free versewriting,
8/24/2022 Words Crystallinedepression,hurt,pain,soci
8/24/2022 Won't Always Be There Free verseabsence,love,
8/24/2022 Wondering Free versephilosophy,
8/10/2022 Without You Free versebetrayal,break up,lost lo
8/10/2022 Woe Is Me Free verseangst,depression,mental i
8/10/2022 Witch Doctor Crystallinemagic,spiritual,
8/10/2022 Wishfully Believing Free versecrush,how i feel,loneline
8/10/2022 Wish You Could've Seen The Beauty Of My World Coupletrepetition,sad love,world
8/10/2022 Wish I Could Be Just As Happy Free versedepression,jealousy,
8/10/2022 Wisdom Of Friendship Free versebest friend,friend,friend
8/10/2022 Winter Desert Free versewinter,
8/10/2022 Wine And Tea Free verselove,lust,passion,romance
8/10/2022 Will I Ever Be More Than Just Me Tankaphilosophy,
7/29/2022 Wildflower Crystallinecharacter,freedom,growth,
7/29/2022 Wildfire Rhymefire,metaphor,
7/29/2022 Widow Closing Windows Crystallinedeath,grief,
7/29/2022 Why Live If I'll Always Feel Like This Free versedepression,mental illness
7/29/2022 Why I Cry Crystallinecry,depression,
7/29/2022 Why I Am Who I Am Free verse9th grade,identity,
7/29/2022 Why Do I Even Try Crystallinedepression,
7/29/2022 Why Can't We Be This Way Free verseangst,longing,lost love,l
7/29/2022 Why Was I Always The Only One Crystallineabuse,bullying,depression
7/29/2022 Wholeheartedly Free versebeautiful,emotions,feelin
7/27/2022 Who We Are Now Crystallinegrowth,identity,
7/27/2022 Whole Life Ahead Of Me Free verse12th grade,life,
7/27/2022 Who She Was To Me Crystallinebest friend,crush,friends
7/27/2022 Who I Will Be Quatraingrowing up,identity,
7/27/2022 Who Cares Free versemeaningful,
7/27/2022 White Peppermint Crystallinedrink,senses,sensual,
7/27/2022 Whispering Free versedeath,night,romance,roman
7/27/2022 Whimsical Tankamoney,philosophy,work,
7/27/2022 When You're Around Free versecrush,romance,romantic,
7/27/2022 When Will We See Crystallinemeaningful,people,philoso
7/25/2022 When Negativity Attacks Me Free versemental illness,
7/25/2022 When I'm Without You Free versemissing you,
7/25/2022 When I Look At The Sun Free versespiritual,sun,sunshine,
7/25/2022 When I Am In Love Free verselove,romance,
7/25/2022 When Death Is Imminent Free versedeath,
7/25/2022 Whatever You Say Crystallinewisdom,
7/25/2022 What's Truly Sad Free verseangst,loneliness,
7/25/2022 What You Mean To Me Crystallinemeaningful,
7/25/2022 What To Write Free versepoetess,write,writing,
7/25/2022 What Our Stars Mean To Me Free verseromance,stars,
7/22/2022 What A Mother Learns Crystallinemother daughter,philosoph
7/22/2022 What Now Crystallinescience,
7/22/2022 What I've Learned Free versegrowth,
7/22/2022 What Is Broken, Still Has Beauty Free versebeauty,
7/22/2022 What I Would Give Crystallineromantic,
7/22/2022 What I Most Desire Free verseromance,
7/22/2022 What I Fear The Most Senryudeath,fear,philosophy,
7/22/2022 What Goes Around Comes Around Tankameaningful,philosophy,pol
7/22/2022 What Do I Do Free versesad love,
7/22/2022 What Could Have Been Crystallinesad,
7/3/2022 Welcome Home Free verseuniverse,
7/3/2022 Weight Of The World Crystallinestrength,
7/3/2022 Weighing On Your Mind Tankagrief,
7/3/2022 We'll Always Be Friends Quatrainfriendship,
7/3/2022 We'll Be Together Again Someday Rhymespiritual,
7/3/2022 We Are Humans Free versehumanity,
7/3/2022 We Are Friends Free versefriendship,
7/3/2022 Water Is Everything And Nothing Free versespiritual,water,
7/3/2022 Watery Free versephilosophy,spiritual,

My Photos

Fav Poems

DAUGHTER Acrosticdaughter,love,uplifting,
Frozen In Crystaline - 4 Crystallinewinter,
Seeing Autumn's oak adorn Crystallineautumn,birth,death,life,n
Sport Light Versededication,sports,

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