Funny Wife Poems | Examples
These Funny Wife poems are examples of Wife poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Wife Funny poems written by international poets.
I tell my wife’s choice of spouse is fine,
She feels as if she is on cloud nine.
I tell I’m a zero in this art,
She thinks she’s so smart ~
A wife so benign!
I said, "Since I got my brand-new dentures today,
can we maybe try some new adventures today?"
She said, "I think I have to wait a bit ~
That new smile! I just can't get used to it.
So, let's do the same old adventures tonight, okay ~
after we pray?"
For twenty years of nearly happy married life
he heard the harping voice of high decibel wife,
and in the process lost half of his hearing sense,
the other half now gets tense in wife’s presence.
He wouldn’t start any conversation with her ever,
for over the years the ears have become clever.
They have learnt to save the strained ear drums
from the cracking sound of wife’s vocal drums.
She once asked him to buy a kilo of tiny potato.
He rushed to the shop, bought a bag of ripe tomato.
When he found himself flushed in a hot soup bowl
the failed ears silently fanned his head to console.
The first time you kissed me, it was such a shock,
I literally saw time stop on the old kitchen clock.
But before you accuse me of over-the-top flattery,
let me assure you, it turned out to be just a dead battery.
And once replaced, time started again with the same old tick-tock.
Donna was a second-hand wife to Larry.
Larry always mentioned it to people.
At church, on the street, at a bar.
He thought it was hilarious!
“Slightly used,” he would say.
Then he would laugh a donkey bray laugh.
She asked him more than once to stop.
Told him she did not think it was funny.
Today he is a second-hand husband.
And his new wife is making the jokes.
John did not try hard with his first wife
she was married, he was not
second wife cheated on him
served him right, he deserved that.
third wife was an accident.
They had gotten drunk in Vegas
Too many chapels there
and too many drinks
Fourth wife thought saying “I am his fourth” was funny
Her disposition was dour, she stopped being sunny.
He got tired of her sense of humor.
Fifth wife died of a cancerous leg tumor.
At age ninety-two he just married wife number twenty-one.
Wishing he had tried harder with wife number one.
The man married a wife
Who was the love of his life
He was oh so proud
Despite her uni brow
You see true love in his eye
In a church where hymns soar high and free,
A mouse embarked on a daring spree,
Up the stockinged leg, it did dare,
Past the congregation's wide-eyed stare.
The preacher's wife felt a tickle, then a squirm,
Her face turned red, as it rounded a turn,
She jiggled and wiggled trying not to shout,
As the mouse explored, in and out, and about.
"Dear Lord," she prayed, "keep my composure tight,"
While the mouse ascended in silent flight,
A sermon on chastity, unintended yet wise,
Unfolds with a mouse, in disguise.
The congregation gasped, chuckled, then roared,
As the mouse's adventure became church folklore,
A tale of a climb, so bold and so high,
A mouse and a lady, under God's watchful eye.
in this mug chicken noodles
spousey makes whole caboodles
evry single day
chases colds away
gets me back to my doodles.
while I am sitting here writing to you
people are trying to steal
your car, your house,
your business , your best friends, your reputation,
and your savings,
not to mention your wife
Try not worry too much about it
It is just becoming part of everyday life
My days are numbered now,
Since I married the greedy sow.
She thought it was funny,
Spending all of my money,
I'm back where I started,some how.
She took me off to court,
Fair trial,I hoped,I thought.
But not on your nelly,
It's not like the telly.
She's taken everything I bought.
Everything will work out just fine,
Leaving a CD, thinking it was mine.
She's taken the deep freeze,
Even my pound block of fresh cheese,
I'm sure what she's doing is a crime.
At least we're on speaking terms,
My new flat is clean, without germs.
But I got the last laugh.
Fresh water,in a clean bath,
And get to keep all the money I earn.
A Bawdy or Funny Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Tania Kitchin
Placed 3rd
___________________________________________________
She is a very frustrated wife;
Has a very disturbed married life.
Like her, she wants all to be;
No one under her is free.
She has a tongue sharper than a knife.
Miss Scrooge dressed her Christmas tree to the nines
She hoped her "hum bug" hub reads thru the lines
She laced the tree so sweet
To knock him off his feet
She sprayed Chanel number five thru the pines
11/14/22
A Fun Holiday Limerick Poetry Contest
Sponsor-Tania Kitchin
2nd
The king announced he might abdicate,
but first his enemies he would castigate.
He thought slowly and did concentrate
before he sought them to intimidate.
His comely wife he did adulate.
He did not wish to deprecate
her reputation so he did hesitate,
himself or her, to incriminate.
She had no thought to duplicate,
no desire at all to replicate
and he was willing to extricate
himself from the desire to procreate.
His enemies ready to infiltrate,
he sought the wisdom to meditate
on how he might obdurate
and keep his kingdom inviolate.
retirement close, Arthur sadly wonders,
ponders ruefully what his passions are!
to merrily spend the days...
golf or pool! dearest wife says -
must get my tea in bed, whatsoever!
May 31, 2022
A Funny Limerick - Any Theme Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Syllables (!0 and 7) checked by HMS.com