Underarms Poems | Examples

Desperation

  
      Inspiration yields to desperation
        with each tick of the clock
      underarms damp as the back of your knees
        soiling even your frumpy frock... 

      Time is finite, you know it’s true
         though it seems it’s out to choke just you
      a thought races past, is it your last
         ~ an alarm goes off, the die is cast

I am a slob today

slob
unkempt
slovenly
my hair is weird
my face is dirty
my teeth are quite smelly
my underarms are screaming
I am a total wreck mama
I have worn this nightshirt for three days
there is a wood tick buried in my arm

If You Have Never Had Crutches

if you have never had crutches you do not know this
but….
they hurt your underarms in the worst kind of way
They are clumsy and difficult to use

Sometimes they pop against a rock and you go down hard
maybe harder than you did when you broke your leg
and had to have crutches in the first place

If you go to San Francisco and a homeless guy runs off with them
you get to sit on a park bench
hoping he will bring them back

This happened to me, and I was there by myself
Not a relative or a friend anywhere around
it was horrible

I frankly hope that crutches never come into my life again
using them is not half as much fun as it looks like

Meltering Sweltering

Meltering sweltering is just up ahead
Sweat soaking sheets of our double bed
Underarms are odorous
Some parts are dangerous
Don't light a match it might kill you dead

Queen of the Disgusting Underarms

Let’s do an underarm reveal, she said in a daring sort of way.
I knew at that minute that this contest would make my day.
She has not shaved since 1997; not being demure.
This was hilarious to me since I knew I would win this contest for sure.

She showed off her fur, and the crowd wailed; two did scream.
Excited that she was probably their next disgusting underarm queen.
That’s nothing I thought, but I kept it quietly to myself, smirking.
My hair was growling and snarling now, where vermin are lurking.

She turned and whirled and disgusted most of them in a big ugly way.
I was still gloating, knowing that she had no chance against me today.
My turn came and I gave a gracious spin with arms raised.
In my underarm hair were sixteen opossums, many of them crazed.

They snarled, spit, and hissed along with a woven snake.
Who had been sitting in my hair sulking since 1954’s earth quake.
They terrified the crowd who declared me the true and only winner.
Then raced to their houses to throw up their beef and turkey dinner.

Some May Be Offended, But

underarms are hairy
  unless you shave them very

often -- not to mention smelly
  most use a-p roll-on gel

ee -- gad zooks what good are underarms
  please don't bare yours in my barn!



________________________________
 Note: 'a-p' stands for anti-perspirant

Splashing Paint On a Canvas

Splashing paint on a canvas
   Is that visual art?
   Does it constitute anything resembling design?

A huge swastika as a backdrop 
for an Israeli Jew crushing a 
Palestinian Arab baby under 
one of his jackboots -- in a cartoon
               in a picture, in a film
   Is that art?
   Is there any redeeming value in it?

And what constitutes creativity?
Filming a series of loud farts, made
by breaking wind or by pumping one's
underarms against one's sides  
   What is creative about that?
   Is there anything new created? 

Filming the strewing of the rancid contents
of a dumpster over a marble ballroom floor
   Is that creative?
   What on earth does it create?

And is there anything new under the sun?
   "What has been is what will be, and
    what has been done is what will be
    done again, and there is nothing new
    under the sun"  (Ecclesiastes 1:9)  



         February 19, 2019
 Entry in "Creativity in Visual Arts" contest
        Sponsor: Line Gauthier

Poetry Contests Are Silly

Poetry contests.   How ridiculous. Silly even. It is like comparing:
dogs with underarms,
underarms with toothbrushes,
toothbrushes with giraffes,
giraffes with garden parties,
garden parties with throw pillows,
throw pillows with coffee cups,
coffee cups with light switches,
light switches with spitballs,
spitballs with cinnamon buns,
cinnamon buns with alligators,
alligators with rubies,
rubies with motorcycles,
motorcycles with sumo wrestlers,
sumo wrestlers with bubble gum,
bubble gum with swimming pools,
swimming pools with rabid skunks,
rabid skunks with toothaches,
toothaches with garter belts,
garter belts with police officers,
police officers with dinosaurs,
dinosaurs with sauce pans,
sauce pans with an art show,
an art show with a pumpkin pie,
a pumpkin pie with a speedboat,
a speed boat with a stepmother,
a stepmother with another step mother.

Poetry contests are silly.

Anxiety

Anxiety 

Awaiting results to any test,
Not knowing if you will be the best.
X-rays that look at painful places.
Ignominy from the laughing faces.
Emitting sweat from underarms,
Tense but not knowing what's wrong.
Yesterday’s fear, today’s calm.

2/25/17

Tags

TAGS

TV tells the stories that connect us,
Get the benefits you deserve.
Of course, everyone knows
There is nothing worse than dingy clothes.

Open a bottle of pop
And you open happiness.
It’s amazing what you’re capable of.
A diamond says love.

We’re going to make the world skinny
One slap at a time.
Take a fruit break.
Never give up your right to be fake.

Wear your skin proudly,
Love the skin you’re in.
Your underarms are ready when you are.
Beauty is confidence,
Get the look.
Live like never before.
What’s better, less or more?

We sell fun for less,
What’s in your wallet?

Think with your mouth,
Change your life with bacon.
Nurture your nature.
Get back to normal, whatever your normal is.
You’re gonna love my nuts.

Have a happy period.

The Source, I want that.
You gotta get it to get it.

*NOTE: I take no credit for having written any of these lines, each one is a "tagline" from TV commercials. My only contribution is the order in which they appear. It is dedicated to the memory of Marshall McLuhan who stated "the media is the massage" (not a typo) and to Freddie Robinson Jr who convinced me to post it. Hope you enjoy.

Barbie Kisses

Flicking
Like a snake’s tongue
Out and in
Long scars
From under the loose cuffs of her long sleeves
No matter the sultry summer day
Crisscrossed up and down
The banana skin of her underarms
Raw shiny and tiny stained like tomato kisses
Smeared and left from the lips
Of her childhood Barbie
Sitting propped and prepped
Cross-legged
At a miniature set dinner table
Of delectable plastic
Fruits and cakes
Shrimp and fillet
Waiting forever for her Ken.

Michael's Salon of Pits

People often say now I understand
When they hear that I'm from Paree
Not Gay Paree silly, but redneck
In the heart of Tennessee

I am the newest style of hairdressers
Here to lay out all the facts
I no longer work on the tops of heads
But straight out of the pits

It all happened when I got bored
With the every day to day
Trimming of the head left me feeling dead
That's when it hit me..."Underarm Braid"

That right there was my life saver
That right there was my turn around
If it didn't make me world famous
At least it did on this side of town

Now people come from as far as Nashville
To have their underarms done
I even gave a left and right pit Mohawk
To the Governor's daughter and son

What? Did you think I only braided?
There's so much more that I can do
Just ask the Punk Rock Chick's that wait in line
To have their armpits colored blue

My older clientele have let there hair grow out
Since it is they learned 
I'm now specializing in for both women and men
Their favorite sets and perms

So feel the freedom of the pits
That hippie chicks have long since known
Here at Michael's Salon Of Pits
We'll do something special with that growth

Chain Invitation

This stuff right here is not a poem - it just rocked up in front of me and I honestly have no idea what its supposed to be - maybe a short story.

Anyhu - here it is...

She sat there. Her buttocks numb from the cold wet tar.
 She looked as far as her eyes could take her, then down at her bruised wrists. One by one she replayed the brutal scenes of the last few hours in her mind. 
Those four men. They did it. Those four men, no - SAVAGE DOGS! did it. They took turns.
Her legs trembled. Her thighs throbbed, Before she knew it  her eyes pissed. First in clumsy squirts, then slowly, gradually they became rhythmic. No. Monotonous.
She sat upright, her back oblivious to the wet wall it leaned on
She dragged her knees up to her chest, hugging her calves as if in a delayed attempt to shield herself from the bitter world. 
She saw them again - those four men. The torn cap. the over-worn converse takkies, the yellow jacket and that unbearable stench of sweaty underarms.

**Who wants to continue?***

No Love Lost

You left me Ha!
Off you go
You think I need you
Hit the road
I can find someone else
To walk on my chest
You weren’t that good
You’re certainly not the best

I’ve seen a manikin wearing thong
But on you girl it looked all wrong
Just to let you know your underarms had a serious pong
And I’d rather kiss the likes of King Kong

As for your bra size
 I could rent them out as two unfurnished flats
Don’t forget when you leave
To take your witch’s hats
Your brooms ahead of you girl 
With my shoes up the ass of your black cat

When you were young you must have been a scary child
buy the way is that hair real makes you look all wild
You call that a weave or was it a perm
Either way it made me squirm
I always knew that I was too good for you
Consider this note expressing that we through

Yeah... I Said It

Have you ever been on the train or bus
take a sniff and sit with disgust?
There's a bad feeling in your gut
because you know you smell some butt
All you think is someone move me
cause I'm tired of smelling this ladies Coochie
It's only a few stops,
you can't loose your seat,
but it's killing you smelling 
that man's feet
You're nauceaus and there's sweat in your palms
It's the tart smell of underarms
Getting from here to there is a chore
and just when you think you can't take no more,
you talk to someone cause that's all that's left
and the whole time you can see their breath

I know that this may sound harsh
so do us all a favor...

PLEASE WASH!!!

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