Queen of the Disgusting Underarms

Let’s do an underarm reveal, she said in a daring sort of way. I knew at that minute that this contest would make my day. She has not shaved since 1997; not being demure. This was hilarious to me since I knew I would win this contest for sure. She showed off her fur, and the crowd wailed; two did scream. Excited that she was probably their next disgusting underarm queen. That’s nothing I thought, but I kept it quietly to myself, smirking. My hair was growling and snarling now, where vermin are lurking. She turned and whirled and disgusted most of them in a big ugly way. I was still gloating, knowing that she had no chance against me today. My turn came and I gave a gracious spin with arms raised. In my underarm hair were sixteen opossums, many of them crazed. They snarled, spit, and hissed along with a woven snake. Who had been sitting in my hair sulking since 1954’s earth quake. They terrified the crowd who declared me the true and only winner. Then raced to their houses to throw up their beef and turkey dinner.