Soon as a shameful scammer appears
Send them off with a clip round the ears
We know what they’re after
Let them do a grafter
As we do through our working years.
One dared try it on little old me
I’m not as daft as he thought I’d be
Put the fool in the place
That was dug with no grace
Where one can prance for eternity.
Scammers must think we’re all mad hatters
That there is nowt in our grey matters
Prove it that they are wrong
In a fine shanty song
So they’ll run off with souls in tatters.
Get rid of scammers quick as you can
Flush them away, flowing down the pan
To where sun doesn’t shine
Not having a great time
Till they are a good woman or man.
This is how I am with clothes:
(Most won’t relate’s, what I suppose)
I purchase something that I like
(If it’s on sale, a lucky strike).
If in a store, I try it on,
Or if it comes from Amazon,
I grapple with the box or bag
To check the fit. (Return’s a drag.)
Then in my closet or a drawer,
I neatly place it, waiting for
The perfect time for me to wear it.
(Might be weeks or months - I swear it!)
Once it’s worn, it joins the crowd
With which my wardrobe’s been endowed
And rotates, as each day I see
Which outfit most appeals to me.
For years, most items I will wear,
But when they’re old or need repair,
They transfer to my country place
Where, in my drawers, I find some space.
To do that, other things must go.
I fill a bag of items, so
I have enough to donate to
Collection boxes (which I do).
Of course, some things I have to toss
And doing so is no one’s loss,
But maybe someone I don’t know
Wears something I bought long ago.
The way I am, I know is strange,
But at this point, I’ll never change,
Although, in logic that’s reversed,
I’ll wear the clothes I least like first.
have you seen the diamond dream bra?
You will not be allowed to try it on.
It was created by Harry Winston in 1997.
Made by Victoria Secret
a forty-two carat pearl-shaped flawless diamond in the center
with one hundred diamonds on each side.
1997 price was three million dollars.
Worth much more today.
Everything’s been said before;
The goal’s to find a way
To tailor those familiar thoughts
To fit beneath your sway.
You choose a pattern and a swatch
Of fabric that appeals,
Then cut and stitch until, at last,
Your feelings it reveals.
Along the way, you change a word
Or rearrange a phrase,
Then try it on, assessing with
A slightly biased gaze.
When done, you snip the final thread
And put it on display,
Content to know you’ve said exactly
What you meant to say.
May I suggest trying a strong cup of tea
When I am distraught, my go-to remedy
A soothing tincture for the addled brain
After a cup or two, I really can’t complain.
I shall take the English at their word
A spot of tea, especially in the afternoon,
Can shed new light on the simply absurd
Restore to normality quicker than soon.
Nothing so hits the spot, I’ve found it so
I enjoy trying the hundreds of varieties
From around the civilized world, though
I most appreciate the Wuyi Oolong teas.
Relaxing, this grand old custom, you know
If you try it, on you it will certainly grow.
Written October 3, 2022
Ol' Nellie Bramble; she loved to drink
She never washed and boy she did stink
In every bar in town, she'd cause a scene
And her rich language was quite obscene.
She spent many a night in a police cell
And all night long she'd scream and yell
She'd cuss and sing throughout the night
Then challenge all the duty cops to fight.
Every day when the jail clock struck noon
The police let her go saying "see you soon"
She'd then head for a bar and order whiskey
Try it on with the barmen and get frisky.
One dark wet night Nellie ran out of luck
When crossing the road didn't see a truck
The driver braked hard but he was too late
and poor old Nellie met with a terrible fate.
She was cremated, and ashes put in an urn
The bars proudly displayed it, each took a turn
And at the end of the night they'd raise a glass
To toast ol' Nellie that 'sweet' smelling lass.
Written 9th June 2022.
The Way You Sing My Song
David J Walker
I remember falling in love with a song
And then searched for someone to
Try it on
While you were singing the words
Of your hearts desire
The fire
The fire
The words of arrant desire
If I write another love poem
It will have to be
an apology
for not believing
someone could love me
the way you sing my song
I wasn't their for your wedding
you won't be their for mine
right you are
right you are
aint nobody inviting you
bet' not come up in here
aint nobody getting
maried round here
aint no body getting married round here
that chic you wiff she's ah sucka
punk like you
wiff ah gal like that
man that's a pretty gown
did you try it on
aint noibody getting married round here
aint know body getting married round here
whats dat is
them lacey drawers you got on
aint nobody gettin
married round here
aint nobody getting married round here
said we gone practice
you showed me your thong
aint no body getting married round here
aint no body gettin married round here
i don't like you
geuss you know I never did
aint nobody getting married round here
aint nobody gettin married round here
shuff damn and shuffle man
bet you thanking diss
aint nobody gettin married round here
aint nobody gettin married round here
I bought a bag on holiday
Deep red
Gorgeous
Stylish and petite
Neat
I couldn't wait to use
Then I realised
I had no matching shoes
Whats a girl to do
Without the matching shoe
Throw conformity to the wind
Or begin a search that might never end
The hunt began
But the shoes had to match
Right colour right style
I am prepared to wait a while
Time passed by
I was beginning to despair
Would I ever get my matching pair
Then one day out of the blue
I see the matching shoe
On a shelf all alone
Beckoning me to try it on
Tentatively I put it on
Then I request the second one
Will this be a success
Have I found the matching shoes
Or am I going to get the blues
No blues for me
Yes they are the one
Now I am ready to stun
My epic journey is over
Treasure found
Happiness all around
My red shoes
You in there
Don t ever hide
at cost of fighting through this,
don t prefer the comforting bed side.
Day by day don t enter into that shell,
To catch up try breaking the routine
you have unconsciously set.
After all your smile is just not out to fake
It surely has the power of goodness
Try it on You for goodness sake.
Letting it engulf you completely
while you wait for someone of trust
My dear you are the break through
Spirit of fighting back in you first is a must.
I’m adjusting fixed positions
On opinions and deductions
From now on breathing other airs
I have a stack of fresh instructions
I let go of once held handle bars
Veering off from straight line steering
Riding curves requiring nerves
Whilst watching stances disappearing
Chancers wait to try it on
Consider risk-maintaining stakes
Ask what can we afford to lose
Whilst still expecting lucky breaks
You work all your life
Trying to avoid another's knife
For they will try it on
And then be gone
To scheme and to plan
To make them grand
But just telling the truth
And they will retreat saying 'struth!
© Paul Warren Poetry
The eyeglass store’s brand new; it moved
From just across the street.
The stock is current, fresh and cool;
Displays are nice and neat.
But unlike some establishments,
Its style is from the past.
The frames are under lock and key,
Although the choice is vast.
So every time I saw one
I’d consider for myself,
A store employee with a key’d
Unlock the drawer or shelf.
He’d watch me as I’d try it on
And wait for my decision.
My interest waned beneath the weight
Of constant supervision.
In other shops the customer
Is left to his devices
To try on every single pair
That possibly entices.
I left the store with my old glasses
Perched upon my face.
My search will now continue
At a far more trusting place.
AFTER YOU
Call me weird ’cause I’m a goth, ’cause I’m tattooed
and love war like a brother –
does this shock you? Piss you off?
Good, I’m glad it does! Feel your anger burn, do you feel alive?
C’mon, try it on, I’ll smash your face in, beat you down.
I’m proud of me, being one to piss you off and to make you dislike me.
I have power over you, I speak my opinion and dress how I want.
You’re all sheep, herd animals that know no other way!
So I say to you, kiss my butt and go to your graves and watch your back –
Ill be after you…
if sanity was a new dress,
i would buy it for you
you would try it on,
and i would cherish the pleasure of your company
i would buy you matching heels
perhaps a necklace and two bracelets
i would tell you how beautiful you looked....just so I can see you smile
then i would brush my lips against yours and whisper in your ear a soft, but sincere....
Thank You
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